"I'm going to drop a deuce on everybody."

My favorite quote from Michael is from Casino Night,

"I hate so much about the things that you choose to be"

I think Michael was trying to use "I" messages so as not to be judgemental. He is so mean and judgemental to Toby though.

"I'm a great philanderer"

My favorite UNBOTCHED Michael-isms are:

"Never, ever give up" and "Engaged isn't married"

I like the "Quote, then Cite" contest that Lifeintheoffice.com had. Like when Michael goes "It's Pam! Ms. Beesly if you're nasty! Janet Jackson.." or "I promise to kick it up a notch. Bam! Emeril..".

Sometimes, he even gets it wrong. "You talkin' to me? Raging Bull, Pacino." or "My lips are sealed. Bangles.." My favorite (as least, it's my favorite one that I can think of) one is "I am Pam. Ha! Spicoli guy."

"Are you talking to me" - Raging Bull, Pacino

I don't know that this is even a phrase to botch but I love when he says, "You’re totally harshin’ the office mellow."

and

"What you don't know can hurt you but if you don't know it will hurt you can at least be happy for a little while."

"As a doctor, you wouldn't tell your patient that he has cancer."

Along those same lines..."You wouldn't arrest some guy just for delivering drugs from one person to another"

Would I rather be feared or loved?...Both. I want these people to be afraid of how much they love me.

"...incalcacable."

Ok, not a phrase, but hilariously botched just the same.

I always thought it was funny when he was talking about donating (or not donating) a kidney to his co-workers, he said he would've "reached right into his stomach and gave it to them."

(For anyone who doesn't know, the kidneys aren't in the abdomen, but more in the back, hilarious).

All the Clovers, I think the joke was that he says "Go get yourself a monkey kidney". though the stomach thing is still funny.

Thanks Mixed Berries. I just always found that funny, being a nurse I find there are common misperceptions of where organs are located, and that's one of them. I love how the writers can squeeze all kinds of jokes in.

The previously mentioned You talkin to me?/Raging Bull/Pacino is another one of my favorites. It's just all so deliciously wrong and I love it!

Phyllis: "I had scoliosis as a girl" Michael: "Never heard of it. A real disability, not a woman's trouble"

Michael: "I'll be playing for Comic Relief" Jim: "That doesn't exist anymore" Michael: "Comedy is very much alive, as are homeless people"

The entire "drug seminar" scene was hilariously wrong..

Everyone knows Cheech & Chong are funny. Imagine how funny they would be if they didn't smoke pot.

Everyone take a look to the left & right. One of those people will be dead of drug use.

This year more people will use cocaine than will read a book to their kids.

Do you think smoking drugs are cool? Do you think doing alcohol is cool.

Considering Hookah a drug...

Mine would have to be from "Drug Testing," when he says his employees like him, but he has to be more approachabler so they're more comfortable around him.

Mine would have to be from "Drug Testing," when he says his employees like him, but he has to be more approachabler so they're more comfortable around him.

That was from "Email Surveillance." :)

Phyllis: "I had scoliosis as a girl" Michael: "Never heard of it. A real disability, not a woman's trouble."

Ha! I loved this one. This is such a great list, it's making me laugh out loud.

I'm going to change my answer to the boardroom scene in "Booze Cruise," when Michael is trying to draw the correletion between "leadership" and the word "ship." He uses the phrase "its derivation." The usage is somewhat off, the phrasing is awkward, and it's corporate double-speak from a person trying to sound smarter than he actually is. I hate it. And I love it.

He uses the phrase "its derivation." The usage is somewhat off, the phrasing is awkward, and it's corporate double-speak from a person trying to sound smarter than he actually is.

I know...painfully funny. Jim's look at the camera there says it all.

I love whenever he says something and realizes it doesn't sound good, and stumbles over himself trying to correct it...like when he tries to figure out how much work his employees should do when he's gone in "The Client", or the "wham-bam" sequence in "Performance Review".

Ah here are a few classics:

Michael : Abraham Lincoln once said that, “If you’re a racist, I will attack you with the North.” And those are the principles that I carry with me in the workplace.

Michael: I’m an early bird and a night owl. So I’m wise and I have worms.

I love whenever he says something and realizes it doesn't sound good, and stumbles over himself trying to correct it

My favorite one of that is when he wants Jim to punch him, Jim: "Oh no I just got my nails done" Michael: "QUEER! ........ eye.... Queer Eye for The Straight Guy, good show, important show..."

From Valentine's Day when Jan says to him "Surely you can't be serious." He replies, "I am... And don't call me Shirley: Airplane"

He's referring to the movie Flying High with Leslie Nielson, not Airplane...

But someone does say it in Airplane, in exactly that context. I don't know Flying High. Is Airplane partly a parody of Flying High?

I think the right answer to Jan's question would be "The smae amount of work is done whether I am here or not"

THink about it. Michael does his work. He isn't there, so the workers pick up the slack, and do the rest. They supplement his absence.