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Found poetry in The Office
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31 to 55 of 55
Nov 20th 2006 edited

Distractions, But

It's been a little
chaotic, but it's
fine. It's great.

A lot of distractions, but
it's good.

Nov 20th 2006

Inside jokes aside (ahem), this is fun.

Nov 20th 2006

Is the fact that I've
participated in both
covert operations,
weeks ago
and today,
a comment on the frequency
of my visits here?

I regret so.

(not poetry at all. But I like the short margins.)

Nov 20th 2006

An Ode to Pam's Breasts: A Michael Scott Perspective

by Michael Scott

with Jenna Loves Josh

What do you like best
about Pam?
Is it her
legs, her
Boobs?
Her
Boobs
definitely.

The next time
you're in the shower,
you should check
yourself out.
You know,
give yourself an exam.
Those things are like
Ticking Time Bags.

Unbutton
that top button.
Let those Things
breathe.

Nov 20th 2006 edited

Let me describe the perfect date.
I take her out to a nice dinner.
She looks amazing.
Some guy tries to hit on her.
Now he wants to fight.
So I grab him,
I throw him into a jukebox.
Then the other ninja’s got a knife,
he comes at me,
we grapple,
I turn his knife on him.
Blood on the dance floor.
She’s scared now.
I take her home.
I’m holding her in my arms.
I reach in for a kiss.
I hear something in the leaves.
I flip her around,
she gets a poison arrow
right
in
her
back.
She was in on it the whole time.

But I knew.

Hehe. This is fun.

Nov 20th 2006 edited

now we're friends

Sometimes,
what brings the kids
together
is hating the lunch lady.

Although that’ll change.

Because,
by the end
of the fourth grade,
the lunch lady was
actually
the person
I hung out with
the most.

Nov 21st 2006 edited

Basketball Machine

When I am playing hoops
all of the stress
and responsibility
of my job here
just melts away.
It's gone.

I'm in the zone.

Who am I?
Am I Michael Scott?
I don't know...
I might just be
a basketball machine.

What’s Dunder Mifflin?
I’ve never heard of it.
Filing?
Paperwork?
Who cares?

Possible downsizing?
Um…

Nov 21st 2006

Football and basketball

Football is like rock and roll
It's just bam bam boom

and basketball
is like jazz, you know?
You’re kind of
dupa-do, dupa-do,
it’s all downbeat,
it’s in the pocket,
it’s like
blipalee
bludaloo
blalala
da doo duh doo doo do do-doo...

Nov 21st 2006

It Was Packer

Who has two thumbs
and likes to
bone
your mom?
This Guy.

Where is Michael
Snot?
Sniffing some dude's
Thong?
Probably.

Nov 30th 2006

Prison Mike

Dou you really expect me
to not push you up against the wall, biatch?
All right, hey, hey, hey, hey...
that's just the way we talk in da clink.

Been a lot of fun talk about prison today,
but I am here to scare you straight.
I AM HERE TO SCARE YOU STRAIGHT.

In prison you are somebody's bitch.
Oh, and you, you, my friend,
You'd be da belle of da ball.
Don't drop the soap!
Don't drop the soap!

Look.
Prison stinks,
is what I'm sayin'.
It's not like you can go home
and recharge your batteries
and come back in the mornin'
and be with your friends
having fun in the office.

The worst thing about prison
was the--was the dementors.
They--were flyin' all over the place
and they were scary and
they would come down and
they would suck the soul out of your
body and it hoyt.

...No, not Hawy Pottuh...
there are no movies in prison.

This is my point:
You guys got it soft.
And cushy.
This place is freaking awesome;
the people are awesome;
your boss is nice;
everybody seems to get along;
people are tolerant.
People who would jump to conclusions
can redeem themselves.
Nobody's nobody's bitch.

I hope that this scared you.
And from me, Prison Mike, to you
I just wanna thank you
for listening to me
and letting me be a part of ya life today.
'Cause you got a good life!
You got a good life.

A good life.

Nov 30th 2006

Awesome. Now we can relive the inspirational words at will.

Dec 1st 2006

Baby Mike

Hey, look at me,
I’m a baby!
I’m one of those babies
from “Look Who’s Talking.”

What am I thinking?

Look at all those staplers.
What’s a stapler?
I don’t even know.
I’m a baby.

Hey mom
I’m thirsty.
I’m thirsty.
Mama, I want some milk.
And you know
where milk comes from.

Breasts.

Dec 2nd 2006 edited

What Are You Supposed To Be?

I'm a

*three
*hole
*punch

version of Jim. 'cause you can have me either way.

Plain white Jim , or

three

hole

punch


JIM

Jim
Is Jim
My Name is Jim

Dec 2nd 2006

That's a total waste of an M

Jan 19th 2007

This is a good thread for people like me who are too intimidated to try haikuing....

What Andy Wants to do With Michael on Saturday

Bars
Beer
Buzzed

Wings
Shots
Drunk

Waitresses
Hot

Football
Cornell/Hofstra
Slaughter

Jan 19th 2007

Heartbreak, in a nutshell

Do you
still have
feelings for
her?

Yes.

Jun 18th 2007 edited

The foul-mouthed Will Shakespeare used an expletive in sonnet 20:

A woman's face with nature's own hand painted,
Hast thou, the master mistress of my passion;
A woman's gentle heart, but not acquainted
With shifting change, as is false women's fashion:
An eye more bright than theirs, less false in rolling,
Gilding the object whereupon it gazeth;
A man in hue all hues in his controlling,
Which steals men's eyes and women's souls amazeth.
And for a woman wert thou first created;
Till Nature, as she wrought thee, fell a-doting,
And by addition me of thee defeated,
By adding one thing to my purpose nothing.
But since she prick'd thee out for women's pleasure,
Mine be thy love and thy love's use their treasure. *

Trash like this is why you only study sonnet 18 in high school. And that concludes my insertion of expletives into perfectly innocent threads.

Jun 18th 2007 edited

Succession Planning

Jim Halpert.
Pros: smart, cool, good-looking.
Remind you of anybody you know?
Cons: not a hard worker.

I can spend all day on a project, and
he will finish the same project
in a half an hour.
So that should tell you something.

Dwight is an obvious candidate
for my job.
He has the best sales record in the office.
He loves the work.
He is, however, an idiot.

Andy Bernard.
Pros: he’s classy.
He gets me. He went to Cornell.
I trust him.
Cons: I don’t really trust him.

edited to add the Bernard stanza

Jun 18th 2007

I'm Sorry

What

was

the

question?

Jul 8th 2007

Bros before hos.

Why?
Because your bros are always there for you.
They have got your back
after your ho
rips your heart out
for no good reason.

And you were nothing

but great to your ho
and you told her
she was the only ho for you. And
that she was better
than all the other hos in the world.

And then...

and then suddenly
she's not yo' ho

no

mo'.

Feb 27th 2008 edited

The Confession
I was just...
I'm in love with you.
I'm really sorry if that's weird for you to hear,
but I needed you to hear it.

Probably not good timing,
I know that. I just...
I just needed you to know.

Once.

Don't do that.
Come on. I don't wanna do that.
I wanna be more than that.

Not your fault.
I'm sorry I misinterpreted...

our friendship.

Acceptance
I haven't heard anything,
but I bet Jim got the job.
I mean, why wouldn't he?

He's totally qualified,
and smart,
everyone loves him...

and, if he never comes back again...
that's OK.

We're friends.

And I'm sure we'll stay friends.
We just, we never got the timing right.
You know?

I shot him down,
and then he did the same to me,
But you know what?

It's OK.

I'm totally fine.
Everything is gonna be totally---

I'm sorry, what was the question?

eta: I don't know if I did it right

Feb 28th 2008 edited

The Stairwell

We are in the stairwell.

We are climbing some stairs.

I am breathing heavily

The Ex

If you wanted to see me you could've just called me

Like an adult

Oh no

I didn't want to see you.

Not that I'm not,

happy to be seeing you,

right now.

I'm just saying,

ultimately I was here for the copier.

Equal.

I'd say it was equal. So,

good to see you

I mean it's just that,

you know Pam and I are still dating so,

and I just mean that things are going really well so

I didn't want to see, you

Oh things are going really well.

Are they?

They are?

That's great that's so great.

I wanna hear more about how happy you are,

with Pam.

Can you tell me more about that?

Thank you so much for coming to Utica and breaking my copier and telling me how well things are going in your relationship, really.

Thank you

Ah.

Alright.

You are welcome.

I'm going to go,

because of, um... traffic

Dwight Are You Peeing?

Dwight are you peeing?

I'm peeing in this empty can.

Oh my God.

That is disgusting Dwight!

You said we couldn't make any more stops and I really had to go

Feb 28th 2008

I don't know if I did it right

There no wrong way, that's the fun of it.

The Reveal

Oh, ah...
No that's not...
I mean that wasn't, ah...
Yeah...
That was um...
I mean
I can see
How it would seem
A bit like we uh...
How it looks like um...
I mean now a days you can edit
Anything
Right?
I mean
You can edit anything to look like
Um...
Anything
Yeah, I gave him a ride
Home
Because...
Right!
... We're dating.
Wow!
There it is.
Ah, yeah
We haven't told anybody
But
It's going really
Great
Right?
It is going
Really
Great

Feb 28th 2008 edited

Someone said they could watch a whole episode of this...

I just want Phyllis
to have a great day.
Phyllis and you will be great
together.
We are great
together.
We are a great team.
The Celtics were a great team.
Yes.
Yes. They were.
Robert Parrish!
I should talk to
her.
I don't want this to ruin
her honeymoon.
Nobody ever helped me.
I had to do it myself.
Even the doctor didn't know!
Dude,
keep it together.
I listened to you for half an hour
even though
most of that stuff went right over my
head.
Phyllis. Phyllis!
Wait!
Please. I'm sorry.
I just...
I just wanted to make this
a day to remember.
You found Uncle Al!
Yeah.
Yeah.
He's kind of a weirdo.

Feb 28th 2008 edited

Brain-breaking

I need to know

who put my stapler

in jello,

or I'll

lose my

FREAKIN'

mind!

Did you

Check

Your Butt?

Maybe you're in the ceiling!

It's pretty

freakin'

unfunny!

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