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Dropped Storylines: Always has been, always will be
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Jul 18th 2008

A guy at a bar got up and yelled "All lawyers are assholes! Am I right?" and someone yelled back "Hey! I take offense to that!" To which the first guy said "Why? Are you a lawyer?", and the second guy replied back "No! I'm an asshole!"

Jul 18th 2008

What do you call it when a 60-seat bus goes over the cliff with 59 lawyers on board?

A wasted seat.

I felt a tangent coming on so I gave the answer. carry on.

Jul 18th 2008

You know what happens when you give Viagra to lawyers? They grow taller.

Jul 18th 2008

That's a great one! I'll have to remember that one to tell my brother. He's my source.

Jul 18th 2008 edited

Q: Why did New York get all the lawyers and New Jersey all the toxic waste dumps?

A: New Jersey got first pick.

Did you guys know I spent one horrible semester in law school?

Jul 18th 2008

One horrible semester? Why didn't you stay for the other five horrible semesters?

Jul 18th 2008

What's the difference between God and an attorney?

God doesn't think he's an attorney.

Jul 18th 2008

You know how you can tell if it's cold outside? The lawyers have their hands in their own pockets.

Jul 18th 2008

When lawyers die, why don't vultures eat them?

Even a vulture has taste.

Jul 18th 2008

What do you get when you cross a lawyer with a demon from hell?

There's no change.

You know what happens when you give Viagra to lawyers? They grow taller.

That's my favorite so far. I'll have to share that with the Mr.

Jul 18th 2008

One horrible semester? Why didn't you stay for the other five horrible semesters?

Because the Catholic Church forbids suicide.

Jul 18th 2008

Actually the first one is the worst, and it gets better after that. But I'm sorry it was such a bad experience for you.

Jul 18th 2008

Q: What do you call 25 skydiving lawyers?

A: Skeet.

Jul 18th 2008

Actually the first one is the worst, and it gets better after that. But I'm sorry it was such a bad experience for you.

It wasn't law school. It was me. I just didn't have a passion for what I was doing, and I have to be passionate to be any good at something.

Fortunately, I was at Notre Dame Law, so I just walked across the campus and entered the Medieval Institute, where I got a master's in theology.

Much better.

Jul 18th 2008 edited

never mind.

Jul 18th 2008

Law bored me. I only went into it because, in my last year of undergrad, I had decided not to go to seminary and didn't know where else to go. Most of my friends were taking the LSATs so I took them on a whim, did really well, applied to several schools, and got into my first choice.

But it's not like I had grown up with a passionate desire to be a lawyer.

Jul 18th 2008 edited

But it's not like I had grown up with a passionate desire to be a lawyer.

Did your interest in politics come later in life?

Jul 18th 2008

Did you guys know I spent one horrible semester in law school?

Is there a profession you haven't pursued? You should write a book. Or a reality show spec.

Jul 18th 2008

I've never been in medical school. Or law enforcement. Or prison.

Can't think of many others I've missed, though.

Jul 18th 2008 edited

Q: What do you call 25 skydiving lawyers?

A: Skeet.

Very funny.

I hope you enjoyed your personal tribute, gbone. With our insensitivity, we honor you.

eta I missed this. I loved this one too.

Q: Why did New York get all the lawyers and New Jersey all the toxic waste dumps?

A: New Jersey got first pick.

Jul 18th 2008 edited

Cool! gbone's own thread. So, I will end your roast with this one:

When lawyers die, why do they bury them 600 feet underground?

Because deep down, they're really nice guys.

Jul 18th 2008 edited

Did your interest in politics come later in life?

I emerged from the birth canal interested in politics. In my family, it wasn't optional.

ETA: A Happy gb-Day to all, and to all a good night!

Jul 21st 2008

i think the roast went very well after all.

Jul 21st 2008

Yes, indeed. I think even gbone had fun. Thanks for the starting it, ferd.

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