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A guy at a bar got up and yelled "All lawyers are assholes! Am I right?" and someone yelled back "Hey! I take offense to that!" To which the first guy said "Why? Are you a lawyer?", and the second guy replied back "No! I'm an asshole!"
What do you call it when a 60-seat bus goes over the cliff with 59 lawyers on board?
A wasted seat.
I felt a tangent coming on so I gave the answer. carry on.
That's a great one! I'll have to remember that one to tell my brother. He's my source.
Q: Why did New York get all the lawyers and New Jersey all the toxic waste dumps?
A: New Jersey got first pick.
Did you guys know I spent one horrible semester in law school?
One horrible semester? Why didn't you stay for the other five horrible semesters?
What's the difference between God and an attorney?
God doesn't think he's an attorney.
You know how you can tell if it's cold outside? The lawyers have their hands in their own pockets.
What do you get when you cross a lawyer with a demon from hell?
There's no change.
You know what happens when you give Viagra to lawyers? They grow taller.
That's my favorite so far. I'll have to share that with the Mr.
One horrible semester? Why didn't you stay for the other five horrible semesters?
Because the Catholic Church forbids suicide.
Actually the first one is the worst, and it gets better after that. But I'm sorry it was such a bad experience for you.
Actually the first one is the worst, and it gets better after that. But I'm sorry it was such a bad experience for you.
It wasn't law school. It was me. I just didn't have a passion for what I was doing, and I have to be passionate to be any good at something.
Fortunately, I was at Notre Dame Law, so I just walked across the campus and entered the Medieval Institute, where I got a master's in theology.
Much better.
Law bored me. I only went into it because, in my last year of undergrad, I had decided not to go to seminary and didn't know where else to go. Most of my friends were taking the LSATs so I took them on a whim, did really well, applied to several schools, and got into my first choice.
But it's not like I had grown up with a passionate desire to be a lawyer.
But it's not like I had grown up with a passionate desire to be a lawyer.
Did your interest in politics come later in life?
Did you guys know I spent one horrible semester in law school?
Is there a profession you haven't pursued? You should write a book. Or a reality show spec.
I've never been in medical school. Or law enforcement. Or prison.
Can't think of many others I've missed, though.
Q: What do you call 25 skydiving lawyers?
A: Skeet.
Very funny.
I hope you enjoyed your personal tribute, gbone. With our insensitivity, we honor you.
eta I missed this. I loved this one too.
Q: Why did New York get all the lawyers and New Jersey all the toxic waste dumps?
A: New Jersey got first pick.
Cool! gbone's own thread. So, I will end your roast with this one:
When lawyers die, why do they bury them 600 feet underground?
Because deep down, they're really nice guys.
Did your interest in politics come later in life?
I emerged from the birth canal interested in politics. In my family, it wasn't optional.
ETA: A Happy gb-Day to all, and to all a good night!