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I confided in the world's worst confidant: Advice
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Apr 20th 2007 edited

I'm getting a bad vibe. I think the no response to your invitation and no happy eye contact don't bode well, and it's not anything anyone did to mess stuff up. It's just sort of a blank.

Yep. It was just so weird, how a few weeks ago things were going so well, and then it all just stopped. In trying to get back into it, I was trying to determine if it was my fault for not being more proactive, or whether she actually decided I wasn't it. It looks like the latter.

Comfort tonight has come in the form of a bowl of popcorn, a couple cans of Sun Drop (does anybody else know what Sun Drop is? It's sort of like Mountain Dew, only with real flavor, not just sugar water--a thousand times better), and Series 1 of the BBC Office. As in, the first five episodes so far. And maybe I'll pop in "Valentine's Day" for the Jim speech too.

Back to the drawing board...

Apr 20th 2007

To clear something up, it's not a job per se. She's just one of the people who makes the drinks at the activity. Not that it matters much; I guess, if anything, it makes it worse by granting her a little more leeway to converse, if she actually wanted to.

Apr 20th 2007

Nathan, it seems to me like you're letting your insecurities get the better of you. You seem willing to throw in the towel over something that I think (judging from your description of it) may very well be just bad timing tonight (at least I hope so; if it is as bad as you seem to think, I can't really blame you).

Listen to me: I've been there in "thinking too much" land, you can easily talk yourself out of something because you think it's bad news. I'm just now realizing that just because things might go bad, it doesn't mean the chance you have is gone.

Take a minute and think about why it is that you're so hung up on her in the first place. Why, out of all the women in your circle of friends or acquaintances, did you decide to pursue something with her? It could be anything (it is, after all, your crush and not mine), but whatever that is should be enough to get you through this rough patch. Don't obsess over "where you went wrong", just focus on trying to make it right.

Right now, the best thing you can do is not to shut her out, but not come on too strong. If you guys were friends before you decided to pursue this, try and take that route. Or just be around in case she calls you and sends you an email. She might just be afraid of a commitment, and you spending so much time thinking about it isn't attractive. I'm not saying don't think about it and why things might suck right now, but don't make it the sole focus of what is on your mind. Distractions are good, in this case.

You do what you have to do, when it's all said and done. But I really think you're throwing up the white flag a little early. That's just one guy's opinion, based on years of experience.

Apr 20th 2007

And if you need some further inspiration to not give up...things are looking up for me and Mix-CD Girl. I won't go into it here because I would like to keep some things personal, but suffice it to say that there's always hope.

Apr 20th 2007 edited

I've been there in "thinking too much" land, you can easily talk yourself out of something because you think it's bad news.

This is quite possibly the best thing said in this thread so far.

The following is just one line from a long verse that was given to me by an ex-girlfriend's father after we broke up (the girlfriend and I, that is, not the father :P).

I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me, and 90% how I react to it.

At the time I didn't think much of it, but as more time has passed I realise just how true this is. Just like Andy (or is it Drew?) said, you can't change what other people will do. The only thing you're in charge of is what you will do about it.

Don't interpret one setback as a failure. If you think it's worth it, try again. And again and again if necessary. Another famous someone (I don't remember who) said "A failure doesn't make you a failure. You're a failure if you don't stand up and try again" (Very rough paraphrase there).

So, my advice? If there's still doubt in your mind, continue to pursue this girl until she gives your certain evidence one way of the other. Don't give up until you know for sure! Anything after that falls under "Stalking" :P

Apr 20th 2007

Right now, the best thing you can do is not to shut her out, but not come on too strong.

Well, there's no danger of shutting her out. I may have said this earlier, or I may have typed it and erased it, but we don't see each other on a regular basis--no classes, no just-hang-around time...she doesn't even eat at the same cafeteria I do most of the time.

And there's not much chance of coming on too strong either. Tonight she just seemed...polite. And that's not "certain evidence", but it's enough to make me want to back off. I'll be friendly, I'll keep my eyes open for positive signs and for legitimate chances to move forward, but for the moment I'm content to just sit back and try to move on.

Don't interpret one setback as a failure. If you think it's worth it, try again. And again and again if necessary.

There've been multiple setbacks. And it's not worth it.

Apr 20th 2007

I'll be friendly, I'll keep my eyes open for positive signs and for legitimate chances to move forward, but for the moment I'm content to just sit back and try to move on.

Nathan: sorry about the disappointment(s). I wasn't gonna offer any advice but the above sounds like what I'd be comfortable doing in your situation. I get the feeing you're pretty intuitive, and though miscommunication can certainly happen, from what you've related here the signs show that the above course of action may be the best for now.

And the evening of BBC Office sounds great; I may have to follow your lead soon with that one.

Apr 21st 2007

No one ever has figured out a way to make a girl like them. They either do or they don't. If they do, they know it within minutes. And they will find a way to let you know.

Apr 21st 2007

No one ever has figured out a way to make a girl like them. They either do or they don't. If they do, they know it within minutes. And they will find a way to let you know.

And she did like me. I am quite certain of that. That's what makes this such a pain. If this was straight-up unrequited feelings, it would still suck, but I'd understand what was going on.

Apr 21st 2007 edited

So sorry, Nathan. I do think if a guy I had liked had shown up at work I would have made it obvious that I was glad to see him. But if she did seem to like you before, there could have been something going on that made her feel unsure of what to do. A guy who I had really liked in the past just contacted me this week and I found out he's single now. He lives about 4 states away so I don't think anything is about to happen between us, but it was enough to make me feel really confused as to what I really want when I saw the guy I like who is actually on the same campus today. :-(

I don't need to be all depressed and moody when I'm trying to get my last three weeks of schoolwork done!

Apr 21st 2007

No one ever has figured out a way to make a girl like them.

Name repetition, personality mirroring and positive reinforcement always worked for me.

Apr 21st 2007

Did you also try paying someone to play her favorite song?

Apr 21st 2007

I could get her a ham. Or ask to be set up with someone with her standing right there. Or I could just slowly, and painfully, wear her down.

Thanks guys...you're the best.

I don't need to be all depressed and moody when I'm trying to get my last three weeks of schoolwork done!

Hear, hear.

Apr 22nd 2007

Have you tried a bobblehead doll? ;-)

Apr 22nd 2007

Wait till she's drunk, offer her a ride home...

OK, that one sounds kinda bad if you don't know the reference.

Apr 22nd 2007

You could draw her a picture, bake her a cake, or catch her a sweet bass, too.

Apr 22nd 2007

Everyone loves a bologna-tomato-and-ketchup sub sandwich ;-)

Apr 22nd 2007

Two-Hole Punch Jim, I can tell that we are gonna be friends.

Apr 22nd 2007

Take her out for a nice dinner, walk her to her doorway, where you are suddenly assaulted by several ninjas. Take turns dispatching each of them, and killing them with ease. As she leans in to kiss you good night and thanks for saving her, snap her neck...because she was in on the whole thing.

And yes, KarenM, we'll be amigos ;-)

Apr 23rd 2007

So, Nathan...any news?

Not that this is the "Nathan's Love Life" thread, but it has fueled discussion this past weekend so I feel it's only fair to continue if Nathan does.

Apr 23rd 2007 edited

Her jacket is in my room.

UPDATE: Or is it? My roommate's fiancee might have one like that too. Either way, my room's clean now.

Apr 23rd 2007

Nathan, king of the vague innuendo ;-)

Apr 23rd 2007

So is there an ooh-la-la in that post or not?

Apr 23rd 2007

Her jacket is in my room.

UPDATE: Or is it? My roommate's fiancee might have one like that too. Either way, my room's clean now.

I don't get it! What happened?

Apr 23rd 2007

Wink, Nathan is obvious not kissing and telling. So that leaves us with two options:

  1. He kissed but won't tell.
  2. He is trying to tell us that he didn't kiss.

Plus he doesn't want to malign the nice lady's reputation because he is a tidy gentleman. I hope that clears everything up for you.

Apr 23rd 2007

Yeah, gentlemen don't kiss and tell. And neither does Nathan.

Apr 23rd 2007

She cleaned your room and left her jacket?

Apr 23rd 2007

He could be holding her hostage...

Nah, that couldn't be it...could it?

Apr 23rd 2007 edited

Hahaha, I wish it was some sort of innuendo. (But then what would the bit about the fiancee mean? I made out with her!...or was it...my roommate's fiancee?)

OK, here's what happened (and it's not much): I come back to the room a little after six and the first thing I notice is a bright red jacket draped over my roommate's chair. She has one just like it. It caught me off guard, made me sting a little. She's a friend of my roommate (that's how we met), and she has been known to eat with the happy couple on some Mondays (I occasionally joined the three of them too, in happier times :'-( ); I concluded that she had stopped by or something and left her jacket. Whereupon I decided that it was high time I tidied up my area, if she was going to be coming back for it.

Only after I had straightened everything up did it occur to me that my roommate's fiancee, whom I see every day, also has a bright red jacket that looks like that. Through some sort of tunnel vision, I had totallly overlooked that--just took one look at the thing and thought "Her." The jacket is still there, and the fiancee has been over, so it must be hers.

But hey, it got me to clean my room.

Apr 23rd 2007

Ouch, the classic "mistake the jacket of your roomie's finacee with that of the girl you're hot for" move ;-)

Yeah, you're still hot for her (the girl, not the fiancee).

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