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I confided in the world's worst confidant: Advice
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May 2nd 2007

I hate to quote this stuff, since I am confiding in the world's worst confidant: the Internet.

That was kind of her problem to begin with, since now you have a hold of the info. Maybe they were just bored ever since March Madness ended.

May 2nd 2007

Yeah, I try not to look at other people's walls too much (emphasis on try). It's a bit like overhearing someone's cellphone conversations; you can't really turn away, but you know it's none of your business.

Consequently, Nathan...bravo on finally overcoming that addiction to prescription meds! ;-)

May 2nd 2007

Consequently, Nathan...bravo on finally overcoming that addiction to prescription meds! ;-)

I don't get it :( Oh...performance-enhancing drugs?

May 2nd 2007

Nathan, is your concern this alleged "bet," or simply her comment that "nothing's happening there"?

I'll address both:

  1. It sounds to me like their "bet" is probably just something along the lines of "whoever gets a boyfriend first has to buy a steak dinner" (incidentally, I am still owed a steak dinner from the SuperBowl). It's not like she's looking for a stooge to help her swindle the prince of Nigeria.

  2. Isn't it kind of true that nothing's really happening? You yourself said that you probably won't see her again until next school year. My point is that I don't think you should let it change your outlook on the situation.

May 2nd 2007

Nathan, I was just poking fun at myself saying I don't read other people's walls. Of course, if I had read yours, I might have come up with something shockingly accurate but funny to show that I in fact respect no one's privacy.

Don't worry too much about it, anyway.

May 2nd 2007

Young man, do not engage in any drinking games!

(see, I jumped to conclusions about your wall-postings...)

May 2nd 2007

No, the terms of the bet seem pretty straightforward and do not concern me; the existence of the bet just caught my interest. As for the statement...In my original post, I ended with it and didn't post a reaction. (That it caused some distress is correctly inferred by its content and by my running here to post it.) I think the reason I didn't say anything about it at first is because part of me knows this to be true.

It's an accurate description of what has happened; what bothers me most about it is the implication that it is a closed matter. I feel like I've been placed squarely in her rear-view mirror. I took away some hope from our last meeting; there wasn't any loophole in what she said to support that hope.

Another thing that worries me...when we had breakfast, I worry that something I said served as some sort of reminder of why I had been kind of rejected. For example, we were talking about finals week and I was open about some bad work habits...I had just pulled an all-nighter writing a paper. She is a lot better about that stuff than I am (as are most people), and I hope she wasn't put off by it.

May 2nd 2007

Staying up all night to write a paper is a time honored collegiate tradition. And seriously, if she thinks less of you for that, that's pretty lame.

May 2nd 2007

Staying up all night to write a paper is a time honored collegiate tradition. And seriously, if she thinks less of you for that, that's pretty lame.

Not the fact that I had pulled an all-nighter, but the fact that I needed to pull a couple more to turn in late work...

May 2nd 2007

That is very normal college student behavior, she's definitely never winning the bet if she's looking for someone who has never procrastinated during college.

May 2nd 2007

It was just my worry...

May 2nd 2007

That is very normal college student behavior, she's definitely never winning the bet if she's looking for someone who has never procrastinated during college.

I still do this every couple of months. It sucks but what can you do?

May 2nd 2007

I do better pulling all-nighters. I seem to need the external motivator of an impending deadline to perform to the best of my abilities. If I work on a project way ahead of time, I do it half-heartedly, and I end up redoing most of it right before the deadline anyway. I had teachers/professors who actually pointed me out in class and said "Why can't you be more like Christina? You can tell she put a lot of time and preparation into this paper/project/lesson." Then my friends would all snicker 'cause I'd called them at 10 o'clock the night before in an attempt to put off still further the reading of the research materials I'd need to begin the assignment.

If your girl-of-interest is put off by your all-nighters, then she's some sort of anti-procrastination freak, and you don't want her anyway.

Now maybe I should get off NA so I can go print that background material for the meeting I'm supposed to lead in 90 minutes.

May 2nd 2007

I concur. I've had literally over a month to work on a final, a paper, and a project, all due in the next 5 days. Did I work on those things at all during the last month? No. Am I working on them now? No. Do I plan on working on them today? Yes. But that is just a lie that procrastinators tell themselves.

May 2nd 2007

Top Ten Things That Are Great About Procrastinating:

10.

May 3rd 2007

It's an accurate description of what has happened; what bothers me most about it is the implication that it is a closed matter. I feel like I've been placed squarely in her rear-view mirror. I took away some hope from our last meeting; there wasn't any loophole in what she said to support that hope.

Another thing that worries me...when we had breakfast, I worry that something I said served as some sort of reminder of why I had been kind of rejected. For example, we were talking about finals week and I was open about some bad work habits...I had just pulled an all-nighter writing a paper. She is a lot better about that stuff than I am (as are most people), and I hope she wasn't put off by it.

Nathan, listen to me very carefully...you're thinking too much about this.

I know, I did the same thing on numerous occasions. You're letting that part of you that maybe isn't the most confident part get the better of you when you start agonizing over stuff like this.

You can talk yourself into the worst possible scenario if you obsess over something as trivial as what you are now. Yeah, it might be that she's moving on, and if so then it sucks. But it could just be she doesn't know how to handle it any better than you seem to.

May 3rd 2007 edited

Yeah, I really know this whole episode doesn't mean much, but as it was her first overt acknowledgement of the nature of our relationship that I witnessed firsthand, I sort of felt compelled to dwell on it a little bit. It's in the contract, you know.

Man, four months is a long time.

May 3rd 2007

I sort of felt compelled to dwell on it a little bit. It's in the contract, you know.

Yeah, understood. There's worry, and then there's worry. I just hope you can avoid worrying about it, if you catch my drift.

May 3rd 2007

Four months is a lot of time to flirt with that girl at the frozen yogurt shack, too, though. Summers are great for that sort of thing!

May 4th 2007

Four months is a lot of time to flirt with that girl at the frozen yogurt shack

Just make sure she's legal! You know how those part-time frozen yogurt chefs can be less than honest about their ages...

May 4th 2007

Got a personal issue/problem/thing.

I have a cousin 4 years older than me, named "Anita." My whole life, I've called "Anita," or sometimes just "Nita," dropping the first "ahh" sound. I haven't talked to her in a long time, like maybe a year or 2. She lives in KC, and we don't see each other often.

Anyways, recently I've been e-mailing her about this trip we're going on together in the fall. She's been signing her e-mails, "Ani." When I see her in the fall, will she expect me to call her that?

May 4th 2007

Just ask her about it, but don't make it sound like it's a big deal. "So, are you going by Ani now?" and if she says no, then you're set, but if she says yes, then you can say "Oh. It's cute." Or you could just admit that you might still call her Anita sometimes, since that's what you've called her your whole life. She'll understand. (Well, I can't guarantee that, but that's my best guess.)

May 4th 2007

Or you could call her something completely different, like Steve. Then when she say, "Why are you calling me Steve?" you can say, "I'm sorry. What would you like me to call you?" If she says something like, "How about Ani?" or "It's Drew. You can call me Drew," you can say, "No, I'm not going to do that."

May 4th 2007

Just ask her about it, but don't make it sound like it's a big deal.

Should I mention it in the next e-mail, or wait till I see her in person? 'Cause I've kept calling her Anita by e-mail, like, for a few weeks.

If she says something like, "How about Ani?" or "It's Drew. You can call me Drew," you can say, "No, I'm not going to do that."

That's what I want to do.

May 4th 2007

Staying up all night to write a paper is a time honored collegiate tradition

Pressure = inspiration. I've gotten better grades for last minute crap I pulled out of me bum then I did for work I meticulously labored on for weeks.

Odd advice question: Has anoyone ever done the lease-to-own thing for a car? I want/need to buy my car (really went over the mileage on it) but can't find anyone else that has done it. Any suggestions?

May 4th 2007

Odd advice question: Has anoyone ever done the lease-to-own thing for a car? I want/need to buy my car (really went over the mileage on it) but can't find anyone else that has done it. Any suggestions?

I did it. Probably not the most financially prudent thing to do, because it meant I made a car payment for eight years, but it enabled me to get what is basically my dream car, the one material possession in life that is exactly what I want. I don't really have anything to suggest, I just went back to the dealership a couple weeks before the lease was up, told them I wanted to buy it, and they set up the financing. Easy process.

May 4th 2007

Thanks, JLJ, I'm just nervous... first time I've done this lease thing. I'm hoping I won't hit any unseen bumps

May 4th 2007

You are leasing for the first time or you are thinking of buying the car you've been leasing? Husband leased an Acura and then bought it and had it for more than ten years total. It was a very good investment.

It's not prudent to lease, but if the lease is your one luxury, it's really no more expensive in the long run than taking a couple ski trips a year or golfing a lot or having lots and lots of television channels and services. You don't end up with anything to show for those things, either. If you can afford it, it doesn't matter much.

May 4th 2007

I'm hoping to buy my current lease. I started out leasing because with several things going on at the time (3 years ago) it was easier and I intended to buy the car afterwards. It's my little honda and I love it...you know you go through a lot with a car. It was a pseudo-first time buying experience, I definitely learned some things but it's still scary.

I know I'll have to finance it a little, there's a fear that they'll make me pay it all up front or they'll make it hard for me to buy it. I just look at the sales people and see devil horns because if I'm forced to turn it in, I'll have major penalities for mileage and what not. Glad to know someone out there has done it before. But after this worrying I'll try to never do it again and just buy outright.

May 4th 2007

I've never leased, but it seems to me that if you've already gone through the lease, and you like the car, you might as well buy it. (I gathered from you post that you've been leasing this car, and it's almost up.)

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