Not signed in (Sign In)
Welcome to The Watercooler, the companion forum to Northern Attack and all things concerning The Office on NBC.

Guests are free to browse the forums, although you will need to register for an account if you wish to participate in the discussions or use any of the advanced features of the forum (bookmarks, history, etc).

If you already have an account, please sign in now.

The Watercooler is powered by Vanilla, the sweetest forum on the web.

Bottom of Page
[Closed] Summer Contest Challenge #2: So Much for Sunday School
  1.  
1 to 27 of 27
Jun 11th 2007 edited

This week's challenge is submitted by our host, James. We appreciate his generosity both in keeping the North attacking and contributing to this summer's contest.

Writing prompt:

Dwight and Angela's romance is exposed to the entire office.

Challenge details:

The prompt is intentionally vague. You may write about the event itself (who exposes them and how), the aftermath (reactions), or a combination of both. The same freedom applies to the format of your entry: prose (with or without dialogue) is acceptable as is poetry. Use whatever suits your fancy.

Judging criteria:

Responses are to be evaluated on the following:

  1. Overall impact
  2. True to characters
  3. Appropriate to challenge prompt
  4. Creativity

Reminders:

  • Deadline for submitting entry #2 is midnight PST, Sunday, June 17
  • Voting for challenge #2 begins Monday, June 18
  • This thread is for challenge topic and entries only; please go to contest description thread for questions/discussion.
  • No Editing Allowed on entries once submitted. Double-check word count (250 word max) and content before posting.
  • Please review contest description for other details.
Jun 11th 2007

From: amartin@dundermifflin.com

Sent: Thurs 09/20/07 9:36 AM

To: mscott@dundermifflin.com, omartinez@dundermifflin.com, kmalone@dundermifflin.com, dschrute@dundermifflin.com, jhalpert@dundermifflin.com, pvance@dundermifflin.com, shudson@dundermifflin.com, abernard@dundermifflin.com, tflenderson@dundermifflin.com, kkapoor@dundermifflin.com, cbratton@dundermifflin.com, mpalmer@dundermifflin.com, pbeesly@dundermifflin.com

Subject: Use Cover Sheets on Your Expense Reports!

Lately the Dunder-Mifflin Scranton Accounting Department has received numerous expense reports without cover sheets. All of you have been told over and over again that your expense reports must include an official Dunder-Mifflin cover sheet, Official Form #DM-48726542. Going forward any expense reports without this form will not be processed. I’m tired of being nice about this. The rules must be followed!

Sincerely,

Angela Martin Head of Accounting Dunder-Mifflin Scranton


Dwight clicks Reply to All and begins typing a message.


From: dschrute@dundermifflin.com

Sent: Thurs 09/20/07 9:42 AM

To: amartin@dundermifflin.com, mscott@dundermifflin.com, omartinez@dundermifflin.com, kmalone@dundermifflin.com, jhalpert@dundermifflin.com, pvance@dundermifflin.com, shudson@dundermifflin.com, abernard@dundermifflin.com, tflenderson@dundermifflin.com, kkapoor@dundermifflin.com, cbratton@dundermifflin.com, mpalmer@dundermifflin.com, pbeesly@dundermifflin.com

Subject: Re: Use Cover Sheets on Your Expense Reports!

Monkey, you know I love it when you use your authority. I’m so turned on right now. When you come over tonight, I will make sure Mose is in the barn. Please wear the matching bra and panties I purchased for you at the outlet mall. I would also like it if you do that thing to me that I like so much.

Love,

Possum


From: kkapoor@dundermifflin.com

Sent: Thurs 09/20/07 9:44 AM

To: amartin@dundermifflin.com, mscott@dundermifflin.com, omartinez@dundermifflin.com, kmalone@dundermifflin.com, dschrute@dundermifflin.com, jhalpert@dundermifflin.com, pvance@dundermifflin.com, shudson@dundermifflin.com, abernard@dundermifflin.com, tflenderson@dundermifflin.com, cbratton@dundermifflin.com, mpalmer@dundermifflin.com, pbeesly@dundermifflin.com

Subject: Re: Use Cover Sheets on Your Expense Reports!

OMG!!!!!!!!! Dwight & Angela are having sex!!!!!!!!! LOL!!!!!!!!!!

Jun 11th 2007

DWANKY PANKY

Pam motions Jim to her desk, quietly. Video plays. Pam contains a smile as Jim’s jaw drops. Angela enters. Jim clamps his mouth closed. Angela pauses, uncomfortable.

ANGELA: Hello, Jim. Pam.

JIM/PAM: (together) Hello, Angela.

Jim gets a grip and walks casually back to his desk. Dwight enters moments later.

JIM: Hey, Dwight. How was your weekend?

DWIGHT: (smirks, glancing at camera) Not that you need to know, but I had a particularly pleasurable weekend…on the farm.

Jim nods, raises eyebrows at camera.

Cut scene: Local television reporter in front of a non-descript building.

REPORTER: Unconfirmed reports have surfaced that this building harbors a new facet of the sexual underground in our town; a bondage club…

Reporter fades off as a couple, in the background, is seen exiting from building in trench coats. Zoom in as they run off right. Dwight, holding a coiled up whip and Angela, holding her trench coat closed as sexy green lingerie peeks through.

Michael calls Dwight and Angela into his office. Everyone waits. It is clear they have all seen the video. Moments later, Angela bursts out, glaring at everyone.

ANGELA: I’ll have you know I am NOT a charlatan! We were on our honeymoon!

PAM: Um. Congratulations?

ANGELA: (yells) Thank you, Pam!

CREED: (raises hand) I, for one, have a newfound respect for you, Angela.

Kevin snickers.

Angela makes a sound of disgust, with high head, grabs her things from her desk and heads out, grabbing Dwight by the ear as she passes.

Jun 11th 2007

Kelly (at her desk)
Customer service, this is Kelly… Oh my god! How are you?!... It was so much fun. I totally thought that this guy would be a loser because our parents arranged it. We went to Crescent Lodge.

<Angela looks startled>

Programmer, but he’s starting his own company… You don’t need an MBA to do that. He says it’s a total waste of time. Anyway, the rooms were SO. NICE…. And his brother totally hangs out with M. Night Shyamalan… You think Bruce Willis is hot? Really?...

Angela (panicked)
I can’t hear myself think! Kelly, you are talking too loud.

Dwight (stands)
As third in command, I hereby announce that there are to be no personal conversations on company phones!

Kelly
Well, it rained, so we couldn’t go horseback riding. Also, I saw two people from my work there, but I had a massage after that, so it was OK… Angela and Dwight.… No, the guy with glasses.

Dwight
Effective immediately!

Phyllis
Even if we don’t mind hearing them?

Dwight
Especially then.

Pam
We didn’t hear anything.

Jim
Nope.

Meredith
I heard.

Stanley
Wish I hadn’t.

Phyllis
Bob Vance proposed to me there. It’s lovely.

Kelly
We went outlet shopping. He got me this totally cute pink sweater set. He said it makes me look like Jackie O. I don’t know if that’s a compliment… Cashmere.… No, we didn’t… He’s gay…. His parents don’t know.

Oscar (TH)
Not if he’s friends with Kelly. But Bruce Willis is hot.

Jun 11th 2007

Jim (TH): Dwight won a “Battlestar Gallactica Script” contest but he’s been grouchy all week. I think he got into a fight with his “girlfriend.” The big office mystery surrounds Angela, she’s been finding presents at her desk: a rose, a bible. Everyone is dying to know who it is because clearly they work here.

Angela: (Finds a ticket stuck in her keyboard) Okay! Who’s doing this?

Dwight: (angrily) Yeah!

Michael: Office romance! Angela I see you got your sex heels on. (sings “Sexual Healing”) When I get that feeling I want... Jim?

Jim: Umm, I think you mean…

Michael: Get with the program; she’s got her special high heels on, her “sexual heels”… Okay! I’ll handle this (snatches ticket, hands to Pam) Pam, fingerprint this.

Pam: Why me?

Pam (TH): Because Finger-painting is an art form??? Hope they enjoy the (reads ticket) “Scranton Yankees AAA game?” Well that doesn’t add…Oh. My god. (runs out of room…straight into Roy)

Roy: (walks up to Angela) Uh, hi Angela. What’s…going on?

Angela: Excuse me, what?

Roy: Umm, have you found anything…surprising?

Angela/Pam/Dwight: You?

Roy: I think you’re really cute. If you’re not doing anything later…

(Roy gets tapped on shoulder, turns to see Dwight wearing smoke mask, with grenade)

Dwight: She has plans. With Me. Her Boyfriend. (drops smoke grenade)

(smoke clears, Dwight and Angela are missing, Michael is standing with a smoke mask on)

Michael: Now I get it! I always thought this was for a Kevin fart joke!

Jun 12th 2007

Pam (TH): Michael’s called a meeting today, but nobody’s quite sure what it’s about. I hope he doesn’t bring up mine and Jim’s relationship. We’ve been dating a month now, and Michael has been pretty quiet about it so far. So...yeah, I’m a little nervous. I should go talk to Jim.

Kelly (TH): I think I’m in trouble because I screwed up a service call yesterday. I really don’t want to be the centre of attention today. My shirt is totally lame, and I haven’t plucked my eyebrows since Friday.

Kevin (TH): Angela said it’s probably about me jamming up three keyboards in the last month with donut crumbs. I can’t have another meeting about me and donuts. It’s getting a little embarrasing.

Meredith (TH): Last Wednesday I may have mentioned something to Michael about me going through menopause. At least I think that’s what I said. It was pretty early in the day, and I was still pretty trashed...

Creed: (* standing at paper shredder, furiously destroying pictures of scantily clad anime characters in compromising positions.*)

Later, in the conference room

Michael: Ladies. Gents. I’m sure you all know why we’re here-

Jim, Pam, Kelly, Kevin, Meredith and Creed: (all together, interrupting): Angela and Dwight are dating!

(Silence. Camera pans to Dwight and Angela, who are red faced)

Michael: What? Really?

Jim (TH) : Pam and I have known for a while, and we may have told a few people today. It was definitely worth the wait.

Creed (TH): (relieved) Whew!

Jun 12th 2007 edited

INT: Breakroom. Dwight and Angela stand by the drink machines. The two of them are talking back to back as usual when Kevin walks in. He looks at Angela and nods approvingly at Dwight.

Kevin: Niiccceee.

Angela: What do you want Kevin?

Kevin: Why don't you ask your boyfriend? (Kevin looks at the camera and stiffles a laugh)

Dwight: What are you talking about?

Kevin: Everyone saw you in the parking lot this morning. It waws on the security cameras. It's going all around the office.

Dwight: Did Michael find out yet?

Kevin: Yeah. Everyone knows now...

Angela puts her head in her hands. Kevin grabs a soda and walks out. Dwight puts his hand on Angela's shoulder and she shrugs him off.

Angela: What are we going to do, Possum?

Dwight: Turn in an official statement, Monkey.

Angela turns to Dwight.

Angela: This wasn't supposed to happen. Not now. We're so careful.

Dwight: Maybe it's time.

Michael(TH): Dwight and Angela? That's surprising. I always thought Angela was a lesbian. And Dwight...Well...I don't know. Come here. I want to show you the video. Good stuff...

Jun 12th 2007

(Dwight, sweating, pushes his glasses up and shouts):

Ok everybody—attention, please. Listen up!

Angela looks pale: Dwight…

Dwight: It’s ok… Michael said I could. Is there a podium? Pam—check on that.

(Pam glances quizzically at the camera)

Dwight: Recently one of you has been made aware of an intimate… situation… regarding myself. And a woman. And a weekend trip to an out of town collectible toy convention. Now I wouldn’t waste my breath on 90% of you but I feel I must protect the lady’s honor, as any sempai would, before women’s gossip begins, and show you all that this is not a tawdry case of two attractive co-workers lusting after each other. Angela Martin—will you please step forward?

(Angela shakes her head then rises dejectedly)

(Dwight takes her hands in his and speaks tenderly):

Monkey, I know this isn’t how we’ve rehearsed it, and that it’s not the best time of the month but it’s time for me to ask. I’ve thought about it long and hard…

(Michael looks stunned but finds the words): That’s what she…

Dwight: … and I have imagined sharing life and a baby Ruth—or Kurt—with you and I think we would make an unstoppable team. Mose said he’d consider that above-ground bathroom, and that the thought of having a cousin-in-law, even one with paltry upper body strength, seems nice.

(Dwight takes a knee)

Dwight: Question: will you marry me?

Angela teary-eyed: Yes, Dwight, I will.

Jun 12th 2007

Kelly steps out of the bathroom into the kitchen area and sees Ryan walking into Michael's office.

Kelly (Talking Head): It's been tough since Ryan broke up with me. I've been trying to show him what a huge mistake he made, but he won't return my calls or emails. I'm going to have to find another way to get his attention.

Kelly unbuttons the top button of her blouse, goes through the door to the main office area, and walks toward Dwight, who's sitting at his desk.

Kelly: Hey, Dwight. How's it going?

Dwight: Okay. What do you want?

Kelly: Nothing. Except oh my god, did you see Andy Stamberg on SNL the other night? He is so funny! Rap song, rap song...

Angela looks over at Kelly talking to Dwight. Concern crosses her face.

Dwight: I'd like to see Andy Stamberg spend a week at my farm picking beets during the harvest.

Kelly: Oh.

Kelly looks to Michael's office and sees Ryan getting up, then turns back to Dwight.

Kelly: (Under her breath) Here I go again.

Kelly grabs Dwight's head and kisses him on the lips. Dwight's eyes bulge as Kelly's kiss caught him by surprise.

Angela stands up.

Angela: (Shouts) Get away from my man you hussy!

The office goes silent. Angela gasps, then looks around. Everyone is staring at her.

Angela: Frak.

Jun 12th 2007

MICHAEL [TH]: (Opens mouth to speak. Giggles. Breathes. Snorts. Laughs.)

DWIGHT [TH]: (Glares at camera with palpable hostility.)

JIM [TH]: (Makes a face as if thinking. Opens mouth, but says nothing.)

TOBY [TH, break room]: Did I know that Dwight and Angela were an item. Well. Dwight had said . . . some things. Have you ever seen a little kid who just learned a cuss word and can’t wait to say it out loud, but is scared to do it? It was a lot like that. But scarier.

CUT to interior JIM’s apartment. People enter, bearing party favors -- TOBY brings wine, KELLY some potato chips, DWIGHT a jumprope and a squirt gun -- as we hear PAM’s voice.

PAM (VO): So, Jim had a party last night. A viewing party. For the first part of your documentary. [CUT to Pam TH.] There were some revelations.

CUT to a montage of DWIGHT & ANGELA together: Feet entangled in the bushes at Jim’s last party, DWIGHT patting ANGELA’s butt when he had a concussion, JIM stumbling in on them making out.

MICHAEL [TH]: (No longer in control of his laughter.)

CUT to: ANGELA entering the office. She wears a coat with collar turned up, and big sunglasses. She shies away from the camera as she crosses to her desk. She sits in silence and looks at no one.

MICHAEL [TH]: (Gathers himself.) I’m sorry. But I keep seeing Dwight . . . kissing. (He begins to laugh again.)

DWIGHT [TH]: James P. Albini. (Stands and storms offscreen.)

Jun 13th 2007

angela spins around as the break room door opens. “ryan!... uh, mr. howard,” she corrects. her hand disappears behind her.

a brief pause begins weighing on her and she’s compelled to fill it with, “oh, this?” a handful of lace comes forward. “i stayed at a friend’s last night… a girlfriend’s. she brought by some... things... that i forgot.”

ryan’s interest is only slightly piqued. then he notices something.

samuel l. chang scanned the room. the blonde held her smile out for him to see, its presence far more suspicious than its absence could have ever been. something was rotten in scarn’s house.

ryan asks, “what’s that smell?”

“smell?” she repeats loudly.

knowing which innocent question to lay in front a guilty woman is what made chang chang. he was close. this puzzle was just missing one piece.... but where did it fit?

then it hit him like a big old hudson. that smell!

startled, ryan asks, “are you dating... dwight?”

there it was. her perp face. mouth open... a sign the truth would soon come pouring out.

suddenly mose bursts from the bathroom and runs out the door.

ryan says, “i’m going to need you guys to sign a waiver.”

epilogue
the four-armed monkey case left no doubt, chang was scarn’s houseboy no more.

people ask how he knew. agent chang replies, “once you’ve smelled fear, you never fo’get it, brotha” they can’t understand. they haven’t been to hell in a trans am.

but that’s another story.

Jun 13th 2007

Andy at Angela's desk. She isn't amused. Dwight is not at his desk.

Andy: Just wanted to say grrreat prank at the beach. You're my kind of girl: mischievous, blonde, cat-lover.

Angela: Go away.

Andy: I have a poster of little kids playing Frolf--

Kevin: That's creepy.

Andy: No, it's not, Big Hot Dog. (to Angela) Maybe we could get together sometime?

Camera sweeps to Michael's door. Dwight fiddles with an iPod.

Dwight: I told you not to buy--(sees Andy, rushes over) What is going on here?

Angela: Nothing. (looking at Dwight) Nothing is going on here.

Dwight (to Andy): Unshun. What do you think you're doing?

Andy: Nothing. Just asking this special lady--

Angela rolls eyes.

Dwight: You stay away from her--

Michael: Dwight, can I have-- (notices people) Oh, hey, what's happening, guys?

Dwight: Michael, tell Andy he cannot date Angela.

Angela: That's not necessary.

Kevin: Why do you care?

Michael: Yeah, what's the dealy-o?

Dwight: Nothing. Just that-- (tiny head shake from Angela) It is unproductive. Look at Jim and Pam.

Jim and Pam at her desk, perplexed by this.

Oscar: You didn't say that with them.

Dwight looks at Angela, who mouths 'no.' Everyone watches.

Andy: Anyway, Angela, have you ridden in the best car--

Dwight: Actually, she has. A lot. The TransAm.

It clicks.

Oscar: Oh. God.

Kevin: No way.

Angela: Thanks, Dwight. (storms out)

Dwight: Angela! (exits)

Everyone, but Jim, is stunned. Kevin walks to Jim, hands him $50.

Michael: I don't understand.

Jun 13th 2007

Dwangela: A Limerick

There once was a salesman from Scranton, Who loved an uptight blonde accountant. Few knew the mystery Of Dwangela's history, 'Til someone told Kelly about it.

Jun 13th 2007

I hoisted the camera up on my shoulder waiting for something to happen—talk about a slow week.
Dwight stood up and cleared his throat. Well, at least this should be good.
“It is time you all be made aware of the situation with myself and my lady love.”
“Dwight-” Angela pursed her lips.
“Angela, we talked about this. It’s time. As some of you may know, I have been dating a woman for just under two years now--635 days, to be exact--and that woman is Angela Martin.”

Oscar pulled a bill out of his wallet and tossed it on Kevin’s desk.
“Didn’t think he’d win that one,” Oscar grumbled.

“Anyhow, I have written a sonnet in honor of the occasion. Ahem…”
Jim and Pam choose that exact moment to walk in from the annex, clearly unaware of the current situation. I panned over to them and zoomed down to their clasped hands. Jim announced, “Hey, everyone? Pam and I would like to say that under the eyes of Dunder Mifflin Human Resources, we are now officially a couple.”
At this, the office came alive. Everyone was shouting congratulations and saying how they knew it all along.

Dwight and Angela skulked in the corner back by accounting. I tiptoed over, eager to capture their conversation.
“Monkey, I’m sorry that didn’t go as planned.”
“It’s not your fault. Jim sure didn’t waste anytime moving in on Pam. Man-whore.”

Now this was footage I could use.

Jun 14th 2007

Jim and Pam come in from lunch holding hands and giggling.

Dwight: (looks over, irritated) That’s digusting.

Jim: Who is, your mom?

Dwight: No, THAT! Carousing with your girlfriend at work.

Pam: Dwight, you can carouse with your girlfriend at work.

Dwight: (flustered) Don’t have one, wouldn’t happen.

Angela: (walking by) SOME people are here to WORK.

Jim and Pam look at each other, annoyed. Later, they are seen whispering and hatching a plan at Pam’s desk.

Jim: We gotta do this. He’s such a hypocrite.

Pam: OK. Angela definitely has it coming, too.

Jim: (loudly) Dunder-Mifflin.

Pam: Paper.

Jim: Scranton.

Pam: Home.

Kevin: (Walks up) What are you doing?

Jim: Free association. I say something and you say the first thing that pops in your head.

Michael: (from his office) That’s what she said!

Jim: (shaking his head) You gotta think fast…ready?

Kevin nods.

Jim: Popcorn.

Kevin: Umm…cookies.

Jim: Albany.

Kevin: New Jersey.

Jim: Skyscraper.

Kevin: Cookies.

Jim: OK, Kev…interesting responses.

Dwight: Moron.

Jim: Think you can do better?

Dwight: Uhh, only a thousand times better.

Jim: All right, Dwight Schrute is up. Genocide.

Dwight: Justified.

Jim: Pencil.

Dwight: Weapon.

Jim: Pita.

Dwight: Fire hazard.

Jim (voice rising): Money!

Dwight: (also getting louder) Beets!

Jim (yelling!): Girlfriend!

Dwight: (at the top of his voice) Angela! (claps hand over mouth)

Jim sits back in his chair with folded arms and a smug expression as the rest of the office reacts. Angela shrieks and runs out of the room.

Jun 14th 2007

(Dwight is bent over at the back shelves in the main office looking for something. Seeing Dwight in a vulnerable state, Michael slaps Dwight’s butt very hard.)

Dwight: Monkey!

Angela: What?! (Then panicking, shuffling papers rapidly and speaking too loudly) What did you say Dwight? Did you say you needed some money? Some money from accounting?

(Dwight swings around)

Michael: (Realizing who Dwight meant) Dwight, you can’t call a gay woman a monkey. That’s racist.

Dwight: (Unable to contain himself) Angela is not gay, Michael!

Michael: Oh, how would you know? You couldn’t tell a lesbian from a stripper. I could, because I have many times myself wished to be a lesbian. And maybe Pam, too.

Angela: Michael, I’m not gay. I’m involved in a long-term relationship with a very noble man whom I hope to someday marry.

Dwight: (Delighted) I, too, would like to marry my lover one day.

(Dwight and Angela stare meaningfully at each other.)

Meredith: (From desk) Oh my God. You two are doing it.

Kevin: That’s impossible – they’re like 10 ft apart. (To Oscar for verification) Right?

Dwight TH: Am I upset that my lover’s identity was revealed today? Not really. When Luke and Lea’s love is revealed it sets them on a path of discovery. I’m hoping our “outing” will send us on a similar journey (thoughtful pause) because if she’s my sister, I would at least like to take that into consideration before asking her to join the Schrute family.

Jun 14th 2007

Dwight and Angela in kitchen standing back to back.

Dwight (in a low voice): Our position has been compromised.

Angela (speaking through clenched jaw): You told me you liked that position.

Dwight: Not the position from last night. (pauses) That took incredible discipline.

(Angela looks pleased, slight smile.)

Dwight: They know.

Angela (confused): Who knows...wait, what?

Dwight: The Others.

Angela (annoyed): Are you already setting the theme for tonight? I thought it was my turn. And I told you, I do not like wearing the brunette, curly wig-

Dwight (interrupting): No time. We need a distraction. Question: Do you have the gun powder I gave you for our 6 month anniversary?

Jun 15th 2007

(At the Office, Dwight’s Desk)

Dwight: Michael, are you coming over tonight or not?

Michael: I told you when you invited me over. I’d rather die than come to your Lost season premiere viewing party. (whispers) But maybe.

Dwight: (whispers, desperate) I need to know for sure by 3:30, ok?

Michael: Sighs. (Storms away.)

(Later that day, Michael’s Office)

Michael: (on the phone) Ok, Mom, tell Jeff I’ll be there at 6:00.

(Same day, 3:30, Dwight’s Desk)

Michael: Dwight, I can’t come, all right? Find some other loser friends.

Dwight: (Looks sad.)

(Same day, 8:30, Schrute Family Farmhouse)

(All the lights are out.)

Michael: (walking to the front door) Dwight’s gotta be home. Must be in the back. (opens front door, turns on light)

(Screams from inside)

Michael: Hi Angela. So you do shop at Victoria’s Secret.

(Next day, Morning at the Office)

Michael: (walking in) Hey everybody! Dwight and Angela are doin’ it!

Jun 15th 2007

Monday, 10:15am

Voicemail: “Angela Kinsey”…is not available. Leave a message.
Dwight: Possum? It’s monkey. This is my third call. Where are you? Mose is frantic. I assure you, Michael is very sorry.

11:23am

VM: This is Pam, leave a message!
Jim: Hey. The meeting ran long. Michael started telling war stories. Did you know he fought in Grenada? Anyway, let’s meet at Cooper’s. And hey, was that Angela crying in the parking lot this morning when I met Michael?

12:18am

VM: Leave a message for…“Jim Halpert”…
Pam: You’re gonna kill me. I can’t make lunch. Angela’s bawling. Dwight’s freaking out. Michael’s called a staff meeting. And Kevin ate 11 Twinkies. So much to tell! Does your cell ever work?

2:32pm

VM: Press 1 for…“Ryan Howard”
Michael: Got your message, and you’re overreacting, OK?. When I arrive early to get a jump on the day, I do not expect to find my head accountant in a cat suit, engaging in unspeakable, though gymnastically impressive activities on my desk with my top salesman. Fine, “hussy” was a bit strong, but Dwight’s a big boy. Besides, we met, hashed things out, did a little reenactment. Angela even came out of the ladies room. It’s all good.

5:17pm

VM: Dwight Schrute is too busy to be bothered with your call.
Angela: Monkey? It’s Possum. Toby says we just need to sign a form. But that’s not why I called. You need to break into Michael’s office. Part of my, umm, costume is missing.

Jun 15th 2007

Found on Angela’s desk. Neither she nor Dwight are at work.

A Poem of Proposal

Written in Quenya, ancient Elvish tongue of the noble peoples of Vanyar, used in ceremonial pronouncements and oaths. Reluctantly translated into English, due to an obstinate refusal to memorize the language tutorial presented in preparation for this moment. Even in this inferior tongue, however, the message is clear.

Aiya Aini Elenion Ancalima!
Quettacen an vanessë nar únótima.

Fareä tuo haryatye, titta wendë. Melda yaxënin onyanngwa soica, fantevindë

Eques lú ulca ima perian úlvanima, melda Findelya cala ve laure, ima Laiqualassë, Elda

Sië, elanaranelnya, ata túrë ar vanda carntaender. Yanwëngwa nauva, Mose fanga cormacolindo, ar inyé, elya vëaner...

Colla vacco yarányo unquë effíriemmo. Lernyaentassë Le meluvan úne ar alye lúmessen tenna nurucilie, illumëlar. Hótulisini, linda olva ho aussië!

Hail Angela, brightest of the stars! Words to describe your beauty are without number

Great strength you possess, though a little, petite woman Beloved milch cow for our thirsty children, clothed in grey

Saying you are “evil like a hobbit” was false, my beloved Because your hair is shines as pure gold, like Legolas, an Elf

Thus, my elfin princess, I ask you to rock the house once more, and marry me Our joining shall be at the farm, Mose a bearded ring-bearer, and I, your Bridegroom...

Wearing the tuxedo of my ancestor, will be waiting in my coffin I will love you for better, for worse, ‘til death, and always for richer. Come, my beautiful money beet!

Jun 15th 2007
Toby, Creed and Jim stood together off to the side, looking out across the room as the rest of the office crowded around Kevin’s computer screen.

Toby was still confused. “What is it that happened again?” he asked quietly. “I’m not sure I understand.”
“Apparently someone saw Angela and Dwight,” Jim replied. “At night. In the conference room.”
“And they were….?”
“Yes.”
Toby winced. “We’ll have to replace that desk.”
Jim nodded. “Already underway, it should be here later this afternoon.”
“And no one knows who filmed them?”
“Nope.”
“Or who uploaded it to Youtube?”
“Nope.”
“Probably someone who was sleeping here,” suggested Creed. “Who thought he heard burglars.”

They saw Michael get a fit of the giggles and then abruptly demand that someone report the video to get it removed. Meredith and Phyllis stared transfixed at the screen. Kelly squealed and hugged Angela. “We’re so alike now,” Kelly gleefully exclaimed as Angela reached for her bottle of Purell. Dwight sat still in his chair, clutching his bobblehead and fuming.

Toby glanced down at his feet. “Did you watch it, Jim?”
“That’s something I can live without seeing.”
“I haven’t either. Although…” Toby said, thoughtfully. “Maybe as part of my job I should.”
Creed straightened his tie. “It’ll be gone soon,” he said. “They are having it removed. But I have bootleg copies in my trunk for five bucks each if you’re interested.”
“I’ll pass,” said Jim, shaking his head.
Toby pulled out his wallet. “I’ll take two.”
Jun 16th 2007

Pam: Jim and I were walking out to go to dinner, when I realized I had forgotten my cell phone on my desk.

Jim: When we walked in, we saw Dwight…spank Angela on the… rear with a manila file folder and then… chase… her into the break room.

Office

Pam: Aww, look how cute they are!

Jim: Wait, you knew about this? Well ok, actually, I did too. It is kind of cute. In a weird I-wish-my-eyes-had-never-seen-that kinda way.

Pam: Wait… now I’m getting a mental image. Ugh. Thanks a lot.

Laughing, they walk out. Michael walks out of his office with a surprised look on his face.

Office, Monday

Dwight: You wanted to see me, Michael?

Michael: So you and Angela, huh? Nice. I want details, bro. De-tails. And also, I have a few questions for you, about how you…(looks nervously at camera) we’ll talk about it later.

Dwight: I don’t know what you’re talking about. Angela Kinsey and I have a professional relationship.

Michael: Don’t lie to me Dwight! Do you want to do my dry cleaning, too?

Dwight: Ok, alright. You’re not going to tell anyone, are you?

Michael: Absolutely not. Hoes before bros.

End of the day, everyone is getting ready to leave

Phyllis (whispers): Pam, did you get that email from Michael?

Pam: Oh yeah, but I already knew.

Kelly (running across room, shouting): Angela! Ohmigod! I just read my email! You and Dwight! That is so awesome!

Jun 16th 2007

Creed emerges from the ladies room and sees Office folk at the lunch table. “So, how about that Dwayne and Andrea thing? Crazy huh?”

Everyone looks blankly at him. Pam grins. Not getting any reaction, Creed walks out.

“I never know what that guy‘s talking about,” says Meredith. “Who’s Dwayne?”

Pam is bursting to show she knew what Creed meant. This would be the ultimate prank. “Well you know he never gets names right. He must be talking about someone we know, right? Why would he mention random people to us?” No one has an answer. “Remember when Jim paid us all to call Dwight Dwayne? Maybe that’s who he means?” Pam felt she couldn’t be any more obvious.

Kelly stops texting briefly to say “And Andrea sounds like Angela, right?”

”Kelly isn’t as dumb as she seems,” thinks Pam. She tries steering them a little more. “Ever noticed how they always leave last at night?”

“I think Creed sleeps here sometimes,” says Kevin. “There’s a bedroll under his desk. Maybe he saw them doing...” A grin slowly spreads across his face, “something. Dwight spends a lot of time 'in meetings' with Angela,” says Kevin. “And he says ‘monkey’ a lot. And they talk real quiet.”

They think about that. Pam says nothing. She just watches as it dawns on everyone.

They turn and stare as Dwight and Angela enter from the annex.

“We were just… in a meeting,” says Dwight.

Everyone grins, no one more than Pam.

Jun 16th 2007

Regis: Well, Pippa, have you heard about this show starting tonight? It’s called The Office.

Kelly: Reege, it’s gotten a lot of buzz. We have with us today, two of its stars, Dwight Shrute and Angela Martin.

(applause as Angela and Dwight enter, shake hands and situate themselves on stools).

Regis: You work in this office and you allowed yourselves to be filmed?

Dwight: That’s correct.

Kelly: The two of you are…friends?

Angela: We are co-workers. Dwight is a responsible salesman.

Dwight: Thank you, Angela. You are a capable accountant.

Kelly: So, you guys aren’t more than friends?

Angela: I resent that implication. I thought you were a mother!

Regis: Well, why don’t we watch the clip the production team has sent over and we can judge for ourselves?

(clips of Dwangla dancing at Phyllis’ wedding, kissing at Angela’s desk, and making out at Jim’s party are shown. When it’s over, Angela’s stool is empty and Dwight is on his feet.)

Dwight: (yelling) What kind of pornographic show are you running here? You…blondie…you WILL apologize to Angela and you, Philbin…I challenge you to a duel. Crossbows at dawn! Gelman can be your second.

(At the office, Jim turns off the television and pops a tape out of the VCR)

Pam: You know, Jim, people say that talk-shows are mindless and vapid.

Jim: I don’t know why. I certainly learned a lot today.

Pam: (laughs) Are you going to take care of it?

Jim: It’ll be on YouTube by lunchtime.

Jun 16th 2007

Scene: Dunder-Mifflin Kitchen:

(Angela, Kelly, Phyllis, and Pam are sitting at the table. Jim is leaning against the counter.)

Kelly: How could you not tell me, Angela? I would've had to tell someone, or it would've killed me. I would've just died. I mean, you and Dwight! Oh my god!

(Angela scowls in various manners)

Michael TH: I found something out yesterday. I went to Rite Aid after work to pick up Jan's birth control, and was leafing through a Cosmo, waiting for them to call her name, when I heard them call Angela's name. I looked to see if she was there, and up walks Dwight. Can you believe that!? The two of them? Anyway, I tried to hide behind a rack of bargain movies, but he saw me and made me swear to secrecy, on a stack of Harry Potter DVDs.

Jim TH: Sworn to secrecy? Well I guess that's how he managed to make it to lunch. It's my fault really. Pam brought me a sandwich from Cugino's, and I said something about their secret sauce, to which Michael replied that he knew a secret, and that it kind of had to do with sauce. (pause) You can imagine where it went from there.

(Stanley enters kitchen with a sandwich)

Kelly: Stanley! You have to hear this!

(Stanley looks at sandwich, looks at Kelly, turns, enters Men's room)

Kelly: Why are you eating in there?

Jim: Out with the old, in with the new I guess.

Jun 17th 2007

Dwight and Angela Revealed: ABC Thread Style

Talking Heads

Pam
A
Bizarre
Couple.

Jim
Dwangela
Explanation?
Freaks
Get
Horny.

Toby
I’m
Jealous…
...
Kinda.

Michael
Love’s
Mysterious.

Kevin
Niiiiice…

Stanley
Oh
Please…

Conference Room. Angela is not present.

Dwight
Question:
Roleplay
Scenarios
That
Uninhibit
Virtuous
Women?

Meredith
X-rated
Yoga.

Creed
Zebras.

Jim
A phrodisiastic
Beets.

Dwight
Currently
Doing.

Phyllis
Erotic
Firefighters
Gripping
Hoses!




I’m
Just
Kidding.

Kevin
Lusty
Maids.

Oscar
Naughty
Oral
Policemen.

Michael
QUEER!



Redacted…
Sorry.

Meredith
Try
Using
Vibrating
Weiners…


Kevin
Xena.

Dwight
Yes!

Pam
Zombies.

Jun 17th 2007

Michael: Jim, I need to you to move your desk into my office-we’re switching.

Jim: Um…Why?

Michael: Because Dwight and Angela had sex on mine last night and I can’t work on it.

Shocked gasps from everyone

Michael TH: Yesterday, Jan wanted a little love action via the webcam and I guess I forgot to turn it off…when I got online at home I saw I was still online at work and…ewww. I don’t even want to get into the details.

Michael: Get a move on Jim-bo.

Jim: Absolutely not.

  1.  
1 to 27 of 27
Top of PageBack to discussions