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[Closed] Summer Contest Challenge #3: It's a (Less) Wonderful Office
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Jun 18th 2007 edited

This week's challenge is submitted by a forum member full of creative juice (and occasionally tea, we presume) Loaded Teapot:

We hear frequently that this is an ensemble show. At no time was this more apparent than during the first several episodes of Season 3, when we had to endure Jim's prolonged absence from the Scranton office. Things felt off-kilter with everyone in the office. Now imagine (shriek!) if one Dunder Mifflinite was gone from the Scranton office. Permanently. Forever (you know how movie careers take off, actors want out of their contracts...or not. But imagine someone is going, anyway).

You know the saying...if a butterfly flaps its wings in one part of the world, it can affect events on the other side of the globe. So your mission is this: pick one Dunder Mifflinite to remove from the Scranton office forever. Explain who is leaving and why and how he/she is going. Then, choose at least one other character, and explain how this departure will affect the future of the one "left behind" in Scranton. If you'd like, you can explain how the character's departure will affect the entire office as well, but you must stay within the 250-word limit of the contest rules. Think, as visionary Michael Scott would encourage you to, outside of the box.

Judging criteria:

Responses are to be evaluated on the following:

  1. Overall impact
  2. True to characters
  3. Appropriate to challenge prompt
  4. Creativity

Reminders:

  • Deadline for submitting entry #3 is midnight PST, Sunday, June 24
  • Voting for challenge #3 begins Monday, June 25
  • This thread is for challenge topic and entries only; please go to contest description thread for questions/discussion.
  • No Editing Allowed on entries once submitted. Double-check word count (250 word max) and content before posting.
  • Please review contest description for other details.
Jun 19th 2007

www.creedthoughts.gov.www\creedthoughts

February 1, 2008

Haven't seen the redhead at work lately. I asked the midget lady about it. She said we had a big going away party for her and that I was there. Something about her marrying that Knight Rider guy and moving to California. She never gave me back my signed copy of Charlotte Light and Dark.

February 15, 2008

The air here at Dinder Mufflin seems different somehow recently. Also, I've had to drink an extra bottle of wine to get my same buzz on.

February 29, 2008

I started off my 3-day weekend at Poor Richard's. They now have a presidential style portrait of Mary Beth. The owner said they paid $1,000, the same as Mary Beth's monthly tab, to have it commissioned.

March 3, 2008

Evidently leap day isn't a holiday. Please write your Congressperson to have this changed before the next one in 2016.

March 14, 2008

Poor Richard's hasn't been as busy as usual. Haven't been selling many fake IDs lately. If things don't pick up I won't be able to attend this year's Katamari Damacy world championships in Yokohama.

March 28, 2008

Heard back from Professor Hawking regarding my paper explaining dark matter and dark energy. He said some of it was over his head and that he'll have to confer with some colleagues about it.

April 11, 2008

Went to Poor Richard's for a few drinks over lunch, but there was a sign that they were out of business.

='-(

Jun 19th 2007

Dust off Kevin's Dundie: a limerick on the demise of KeRyan and the subsequent off-camera, on-going resolution

It's too bad Ryan broke up with Kelly 'Cuz his new job's at Dunder Mifflin-New Delhi
Now he texts nightly with worry:
"I can't digest all this curry..."
And he thought Creed's mung beans were smelly!

Jun 19th 2007

Oscar’s visit with therapist Dr. Graham.

Oscar:
When Phyllis left.

Dr. Graham:
That’s when the dynamic between you and Angela changed?

Almost to the day. She criticizes my clothing, harasses me about how I organize my inbox, argues with me about when I get back from lunch. I always thought Phyllis was exaggerating.

That seems like very aggressive behavior.

It is. She takes all her frustration and annoyance out on me—her personal punching bag. I don’t know how Phyllis put up with it for so long—and she sat halfway across the office!

So this behavior drove Phyllis away?

No, she went to work for her husband.

Her husband? How does that make you feel?

Pretty good, actually—she put up with a lot of crap from Michael. I’m happy she’s found a better position.

Huh.
Do you miss her?

No.

Not even a little?

I see her in the elevator every day.

“In the elevator”?

Yes.

Is that some kind of… gay jargon?

Excuse me?

Like a euphemism for… for… clandestine encounters?

She works in our building. Her husband’s office is across from ours.

So you didn’t try intercourse with her?

Where did you get that idea?

Angela said you wanted to learn to be heterosexual. That’s my specialty.

What?

What?

I told Angela that I thought we had become friends, but wasn’t so sure anymore. She referred me to you. To find insight.

So you like being homosexual?

What’s your doctorate in?

Theology.

This session is over.

Jun 20th 2007

Howdy folks, this is Cotton McKnight and Pepper Brooks reporting live from Las Vegas on ESPN 8, The Ocho. You are about to witness a historic moment in sports history, the first-ever Hateball World Championships. Here with us is Kevin Malone, the founder and commissioner of the Professional Hateball League.

Cotton: Kevin, tell us about the origins of Hateball.

Kevin: Well, Cotton, I used to be an accountant for Dunder-Mifflin and I worked a guy named Oscar. He was gay (snickers). We were bored at work. A lot. So we made paper triangles and flicked them with our fingers and made official rules.

Cotton: How did you come up with the name of Hateball?

Kevin: Our supervisor’s name was Angela. She was really mean. We called it Hateball because she hated when we played it.

Cotton: Kevin, what made you decide to make this an official sport?

Kevin: Well, Oscar went on a vacation to Mexico. But he got arrested down there. It turns out he had a secret life as a drug runner. So he never came back to Dunder-Mifflin and I didn’t have anyone to play Hateball with. So I went to Poor Richard’s and started a weekly Hateball game. Everyone loved it and lots of bars started hosting Hateball games. Then one day Vince McMahon called me. It turns out he wasn’t really dead. He was looking for a new sport that he could market with the WWE and he hired me to run the new league.

Jun 20th 2007

A sad Angela looks at Kevin's desk. It has 2 candles on it: a 6 and a 9.

Jim TH: When the Police announced their tour, Scrantonicity started getting gigs. And now, they're on tour. So . . . Kevin isn't here anymore.

Flashback: Kevin leaving. He pours the contents of his M&M jar into his briefcase, fistbumps Oscar, fistbumps awkwardly with Toby, hugs Pam, etc.

Kevin TH: (backstage of bar) This is awesome.

Jim and Pam TH:

Jim: The candles? Michael bought them for Phyllis' birthday as a joke. Kevin liked it.

Pam: Michael then decided we should, um, retire Kevin's number.

Jim: We did talk Michael out of the eternal flame, though.

Ryan TH: I told Michael that, if he did that, I'd move him to the back . . . with Toby.

Pam TH: Everyone's sad that Kevin left--me too!--but it's really inspiring. Kevin wanted to play music, and he's doing it. How great is that? I'm so proud of Kevin for staying with his dream. (pause) I think a lot about that program Jan talked about.

Jim enters.

Jim: Oh, sorry. (to Pam) I talked to Ryan, and here's the paperwork for the graphic design program. It won't interfere with your art class or work, unfortunately, and you can start in two weeks.

Pam is speechless.

Jim TH: She's mentioned it lately, so I made a call. . . . My dream? I don't know.

Jim smiles, looks at Pam at her desk.

Jun 21st 2007

(Jim and Pam are standing at the front of the office, staring. Michael is pacing rapidly, making low keening noises of distress.)

Meredith enters. Stops short. Smiles. Pulls out flask and drinks.

Stanley enters. Stops. Sighs heavily and turns around, walking right back out the door.

Kelly enters.

KELLY: (on phone) ..then Ryan just…(She stops.) Oh my god! Ohmigod, ohmigod, ohmigod…

Angela enters and stops, clasping her throat. Dwight enters.

DWIGHT: What’s wrong, m-Angela? (He stops. Going rigid with authority, he points.) Who did this?! I demand an explanation!

(Camera slowly pans the office, completely empty, with the exception of Pam’s desk and Angela’s baby poster, laying on the floor. Amongst the desk-shaped dust, there are wires that lead to nowhere. No phones, no paper, nothing. It is all gone, even the blinds.)

PAM: Where’s Creed? He’s always here before everyone else.

(Shot of Creed, on the corner of the street, accepting money as a computer is shoved into the back of an already full truck. He unrolls a poster and holds up five fingers. Customer shakes head. Creed changes to two fingers. Then one. He shrugs.)

MEREDITH TH: (standing in an empty conference room) I’m sure it was Creed. Yesterday he got a weird phone call from…I thought he said Dog…Bob maybe? (shrugs) and immediately started packing up his desk. Actually, it was nice. He took me up on an offer I gave him a while ago. (smiles)

KEVIN TH: Really? I didn’t know he had a pet.

Jun 21st 2007

A Schrute’s left DM.
A. Schrute, with a period.
Well, no period…

Big Changes for Little Angela: An update in haiku form

The wedding: unique
Brides don’t often react to
The Kiss with a smack

Angela’s with child
(The news is the unborn one,
not Karate Kid)

Full-time motherhood
Requires steel-eyed focus
(Showers, birthday plans)

Absence mourned by Dwight
Accustomed to having the
Monkey on his back

Others seem glad that
The queen of withering stares
Has left the building

As have her posters
Their absence filling Oscar’s
Sucked-dry soul with joy

Her parting re-gift
To Pam, the corporate robe
Unworn and unloved

Proved fitting; Pam dried
Her hands of Angela with
Dismembered robe towels

Angela’s changes
Make Pam think in pink (and blue)
Would her kid like her?

Exactly how much
Candy is acceptable?
Our dental plan sucks!

Anxiety grows
Ill-advisedly she shares
Some concerns. With them.

Meredith says that
Only the first eighteen years
Are pure hell on earth

Michael reminds Pam
That he aplombs breastfeeding,
Working moms who pump

Kevin assures Pam
Her milk production would be
Awesome (Thanks, Kevin)

Creed will babysit
Has a Harley with sidecar
So no worries, Ann

Angela’s leaving
Leaves Pam with childraising fears
Brought to the surface

But it Dawns on the
Receptionist that when things
get hard she’ll have help

And that’s what she says
(To herself whenever doubts
Begin to creep in)

One look across at
Her slacker/loser/wise-ass
Calms her fears. Someday.

Jun 22nd 2007

Police seek wild woman’s whereabouts

SCRANTON – Police are searching for a local woman seen Monday running wildly down Lackawanna Avenue at rush hour wearing little more than undergarments and shouting profanities at motorists.

“She tied up traffic something good, all the way out to I-84,” shopkeeper Ida Wiggins said. “Why they had to cancel the yearly Wiener Schnitzel Parade, downtown was such a mess.”

Sheriff Ron Anderson said witnesses spotted the woman – identified as Jan Levenson, 39, recently of New York City – leaving Scranton Business Park. Levenson’s live-in boyfriend, paper company executive Michael G. Scott, 42, was questioned by police.

“Apparently they’d fought over role-play or something,” Anderson said. “The woman’s obviously unstable. We just want to get her the help she needs.”

Scott is not a suspect but Anderson said he wept often during questioning and demanded to see disbarred attorney James P. Albini.

Calls to Scott’s office were forwarded to Dunder-Mifflin spokeswoman Kelly Kapoor.

“Oh my god, like, Jan is crazy,” Kapoor said. “Once, in a meeting, she got totally bent when I brought up office romances. Like, whatever. My ex-boyfriend has her old job now, and we still totally do it.”

A longtime receptionist, who asked that her name be withheld, said Levenson had a history of erratic behavior.

“It was sad, especially after she lost her job and moved in with Michael,” she said. “I shouldn’t be talking about this…I think they did things on my desk.”

Anyone with information is asked to call 570-555- TIPS.

Jun 22nd 2007

Michael : Creed has left. Hopefully his betrayal of us was for some noble pursuit.

Dwight (in corner behind Michael): Nothing is nobler than selling paper. Well, maybe blowing up a Death Star, but that doesn’t happen every day.

Jim TH: Yeah, um….unbeknownst to us, Creed used his vacation time a few weeks ago to tape a season of "The Surreal Life."

Creed TH (from Surreal Life House): Free room and board, baby! I’d be an idiot to pass this up. I was disappointed there was no midget peeing in the corners, but I couldn’t complain. Plus I stole a lot of stuff and saw Tracey Partridge naked!

(clip of Creed peering over the shower curtain while a woman screams.)

Jim TH: They liked him so much; they offered him his own reality dating show. "Creed of Love". It’s a huge hit. I don’t think he’ll be back.

Clip from Creed’s show.

Creed: My next pick is Allison.

Host: Creed? There’s no Allison here.

Creed: Amy?

Host: No Amy either.

Creed: Andrea?

Host (to director): This isn’t going to work!

Creed: Does anyone have an A name?

Kevin TH: Am I glad Creed is gone? Well, I made $7500 betting on which chick he’d choose. At first I thought about picking the girl with the biggest breasts, but I remembered that Creed likes floppy ones. So instead, I decided to use logic. I just picked the girl who had her name tattooed on her neck. Piece of cake!

Jun 22nd 2007

JAM (TH):
Pam- Last week, Stanley quit his job. He was really upset; he stormed out and everything. We’re not really sure why.
Jim- We think the final straw was when he was doing a crossword puzzle, and the clue was “cotton picker, for one”, and he asked if anyone knew a 9-letter word that fit that clue.
(pause)
Pam- Michael said “Stanley”.
Jim- Which, aside from being offensive, is actually a 7-letter word.

(Cut to: shot of Stanley’s empty desk, Phyllis looking slightly lonely, Michael staring through blinds in the direction of Stanley’s desk.)

Michael (TH): Everyone has been so upset since Stanley left. It’s probably because it was so sudden, you know? There was no explanation for it. Must’ve been the pressures of the paper biz. They’ve taken better men than Stanley. Way better men. But you know who’s been the most upset? Andy. (Michael’s voiceover continues; cut to Andy staring at computer screen.) Which I don’t really… get.

Andy (TH): I’ve been a little out of it, lately. My new girlfriend… Melissa… left yesterday. For the whole summer. And it’s not just that I miss her, or whatever, but I think that she lied to me. About where she was going. ‘Cause seriously, summer camp? She couldn’t come up with a better excuse? I don’t know where she really went, though. We haven’t talked much in the last week. She’s been preoccupied, ‘cause I guess her dad lost his job, or something. Who knows, right? (scoffs) Women.

Jun 23rd 2007

(Jim enters office and is about to open Michael’s office door.)

Pam- I wouldn't go in there

Jim- Why what's going on?

Pam- New York called about (pause) the promotion

(Michael walks out of the break room slamming the door, sobbing into his "world's best boss" mug.)

Pam TH- So last week Ryan got promoted. He was up for the corporate job in New York and they called and told him he got it. He decided not to tell Michael until after he left.

(Cut to Michael pounding on his desk in hysterics.)

Pam TH- I kind of get why he didn't tell him.

Michael TH- One of the valued members of our family left us. Ryan is now my boss, well not really my boss, more like my younger brother who makes sure that I complete the tasks at hand that he gives me efficiently. And he gets paid more money for it. He didn't even come back to say goodbye. He must have snuck in, in the middle of the night and cleaned out his desk he even took his computer.

(Cut to Creed with two computers on his desk typing on both at the same time.)

Creed TH- Oh that? Well the one computer was good but I've been trying to outbid this sucker on ebay for the first season of Bear and the Big Blue House on DVD and I thought it would help if I had the second computer. Plus, I love to steal things.

Jun 23rd 2007

Shortly following the dismissal of Michael Scott from his position at Dunder-Mifflin, Scranton, this note was found on a piece of paper at Dunder-Mifflin's Corporate Headquarters in New York. Below the corporate logo, the personalized inscription on the piece of paper read: FROM THE DESK OF RYAN HOWARD.

Here's the thing
We never were friends
I played it cool, but it was all pretend
Yeah, yeah, since you been fired
Me, I’m dedicated, and I’ve got ambition
Wasn’t long 'til I got a Corp’rate position
Yeah, yeah, since you been fired
Every day I worked for you
I watched this company go down the drain
I thought it would happen soon

But since you been fired
Work's getting done for the first time
You should have retired, yeah yeah
It's thanks to me Corp'rate’s profits are higher
Since you been fired.

Little known fact: Favourite musical acts the new Corporate Supervisor at Dunder-Mifflin Corporate - The Strokes, The Hives, The Fleebles, The Gloorps, and Kelly Clarkson. Blame the ex for the last one.

Jun 23rd 2007

monday, everyone learned security manager hank had died. dwight announced security hadn’t been compromised and he was now acting building security chief. he didn’t see the contradiction.

tuesday, 7:57 am.

dwight stands in the building entrance, clipboard in hand. jim approaches.

password, jim?

password?

what’s the password to enter this building?

we need a password? you don’t recognize me?

uh, ever heard of face transplants? didn’t you hear me tell everyone the password yesterday?

you told everyone the password? wouldn’t that...

what’s it like, jim, being blissfully ignorant of the threats all around you? don’t you know terrorists walk among us? ever heard of a little thing called, scranton, the electric city? you don’t think that makes us a target? now, for your own safety, what’s...

why are you speaking only in questions?

oh, i don't know, could it be i’ve learned some things working in law enforcement? could it be i’ve read answers are for skels - controlling interviews with questions about a thousand times? you think all those dirtbags just give up their stash to a deputy sheriff while we’re shooting the breeze?

wow, you got dirtbags to give up their stash? hey, didn’t you say northeast manufacturing’s calling about that contract first thing this morning?

what? ok, just... what is the cfo’s name? can you just say it?

you mean, david?

wallace, jim! wallace! the password is wallace!

thank you, dwight. you may enter the building.

dwight runs to the stairs, yelling, “wednesday’s password is sebring!”

Jun 24th 2007

From the Desk of: Kelly Kapoor.

Things to do on last day of work.

  1. Give everyone their "Your awesome because..." notes.
  2. Give Pam all my pink outfits. (New job, new clothes!!!!!)
  3. "Friend" creed a Netflix account (three free DVD's!!!!)
  4. Finally give Phyllis her wedding shower gift-a mini fridge! (those things are expensive-where else would she get one?)
  5. Get gossip from Oscar
  6. Tell Gossip to Meredith (when she stops slurring).
  7. Distract Michael by flirting then steal snow-globe (he has too many and they are too cute)
  8. Give Kevin all my "8-minute Abs" tapes
  9. Have a pretzel with Stanley
  10. Have a good relationship talk with Jim.
  11. Have a good relationship talk with Pam.
  12. Get everyones My Space screen names.
  13. The number 13 is ugly, It doesn't deserve anything.
  14. Erase all files on computer, especially that spanish program "dos"
  15. Tell Toby I'm resigning
Jun 24th 2007

Episode 18: Ryan, or: Creed Bratton's Soliloquy

And then the short one left yes and he took a new job in New York yes and it pays much more money or so the redhead tells me and Michael stands at the window and stares at me and I wonder why yes I do and to tell you the truth I don’t like it not one little bit no but what can you do I need this job for the desk you know to sleep under so I can’t just march over there no and say Michael stop staring at me you bougeois freak no because of that one time when Duane that’s his name right walked in and I was bathing in the toilet and he said something about some television show I think but at any rate I maybe I could quit this job yes go back to Canada yes the welfare there is excellent and I seem to remember the drugs are good yes good thing the short one with the sadhoundeyes quit yes then this never would have occurred to me no but come qutting time I’m off to Tronno yes and then maybe I’ll hitch a freighter to Amsterdam where the welfare is good and the drugs are excellent yes I will Yes.

Jun 24th 2007

Kelly TH: Ever since Ryan decided he wanted to be around a bunch of pathetic theatre lovers more than he wanted to be my boyfriend, there’s really nothing left for me in Scranton. I’m happy for him, but it’s time for me to move on. I got an awesome job in New York. Ryan changed his cellphone number when he found out I was moving into the same building as him – which was a total coincidence – but who needs phone numbers when I know where he works? And lives.

When I announced my decision to the Scranton office, everyone took it a lot better than I expected. Angela planned a huge party for me. I’ve never seen her so happy – she really likes planning parties.

So, it's obvious people will miss me here, and I’m sure if that UPS guy hadn’t delivered a package the other day and if Pam hadn’t mentioned that I was leaving and if he hadn’t found out he was perfect for my job, it would have totally taken them forever to replace me. The good news is I’m starting a new career in the Dunder-Mifflin corporate office as an executive administrative assistant. Apparently Ryan fired Hunter, misinterpretting Hunter’s lack of sewing knowledge for something else while he was getting his inseam measured for a new suit. Since my resume happened to already be on file for a job in New York, they called me.

Try changing your number now, Ryan Bailey Howard.

Jun 24th 2007

From mscott@dundermifflin.com to dwallace@dundermifflin.com on Fri 10/19/07 3:17 PM:

I'm warning you David, you don't want to make Toby Flenderson the HR person (if you can call him that, I think you need a soul to qualify as a person) at corporate. He's done enough damage here at Scranton, despite the valiant fight I put up every day, and I shudder to think what he'll do in your office. Toby is like a parasite. That sucks out all your joy. Not that I don't want to get rid of him. Can't you just fire him and hire two new guys instead of one? Or maybe two women. After all, that's every guy's fantasy. Am I right? They're better at that touchy-feely stuff anyway. If you still want Toby, good luck. Don't look into his eyes. That's what he wants.


From mscott@dundermifflin.com to dwallace@dundermifflin.com on Fri 11/2/07 1:42 PM:

I didn't think it was possible, but this new guy is ten times worse than Toby. Where do you find these people? It's like he was trained by the devil to destroy me. I haven't even been able to get anything done since he started! Well, except the boring stuff. He makes me do that. Rides me harder than Jan does at home. It's the important stuff I can't get done anymore. I'm talking about motivating the troops! I haven't finished a single office meeting with him here. Not even last week's presentation on the negative effects of stereotype-perpetualizing Halloween costumes!

Stanley seems to like him though. I think they're in cahoots.

Jun 24th 2007

Writer’s Room

Greg: You’ve all heard the news, so we need to get started cutting all of our Creed scenes from what we’ve written so far and include some sort of explanation for his absence in the season opener. Let’s start brainstorming… Why did he leave and how will the office react?

Paul: Well, the office will have an increase in productivity after he leaves…

BJ: I wouldn’t say an increase in productivity, but rather a decrease in overhead costs when he’s not there to steal office supplies anymore.

Greg: Okay, good, yes, we’ll go with that. The office actually benefits from his absence. Michael can even receive some kind of award for “most improved branch”...

BJ: But of course he’ll be clueless that the improvement was all due to Creed leaving.

Greg: Right. Now why did he leave? Ideas?

Jennifer: He discovered polygamy so he moved to Utah.

Greg: Good, not great. What else?

Paul: Got sent to prison.

Greg: Almost too predictable. And a little too dark. Next?

Lee: Why don’t we just use the real-life reason he’s leaving the show?

BJ: I don’t know… I could hardly believe it when I heard the news from Creed himself. Do you really think the audience will believe that Creed left to join a Hippie Nudist Commune?

Greg: Well, if they don’t believe it, they’ll forgive us. If they can forgive us for what we did with Jim and Pam in Season Three, then they’ll forgive us for this, too.

Jun 24th 2007

Michael is in his fun jeans doing a happy dance in his office. The strains of NSYNC's Bye, Bye, Bye can be heard throughout.

Pam (TH): I don't know why Michael is so happy. (pauses) I think it's more than the jeans.

Toby enters the office. Michael comes running out of his office.

Michael: Attention, everyone, I have great news. Toby is finally leaving.

(Everyone looks shocked.)

Toby: Actually, I am transferrring to corporate.

(Attention shifts to Toby and everyone is congratulating him.)

Michael (interrupting the chatter): I don't really want to make this tough. I just want to tell you that I've had enough...

Phyllis: Michael, really...

Michael (continues): I may hate you, but it ain't no lie, Toby, bye,bye,bye.

(Kelly doing NSYNC choreography in the background)

Michael (TH): Bye, Bye, Bye, the ultimate revenge song.

Michael: I would like the PPC to plan a party celebrating Toby's exit.

Toby (surprised): Wow, Michael, that's really nice.

Michael: It's not for you. It's for after you leave. For once, we won't have to worry about you ruining the fun. "No alcohol, blah, blah". "No naked anything, blah, blah". "No sex jokes". God, I am not going to miss you.

Toby (TH): This was an easy decision.

Jun 24th 2007

Scene: Chili’s. Jan is in the front row, wearing too much eye makeup. Jim, Pam, and Kelly are in a corner booth. Toby went to the bathroom 15 minutes ago and hasn’t been seen since.

Michael: I’d like to give away the first Dundie of the night! This one goes out to a special lady. Look into my eyes-you will see/what you mean to me…You know it’s true/This little dundie- I give it to you It’s the best girlfriend in the world Dundie, for Jan!

Stanley: She doesn’t even work for the company.

Jan turns around to glare at him, and her boob accidentally knocks her martini to the floor.

Michael: I’d like to take this moment to remember someone who was here for too short a time. His flame burned out too soon. Creed toasts the air and pours out his shot. Ryan refused to come down from New York tonight, but I told myself I would go through with this anyway. Dwight?

Music starts playing as Jim slowly turns his head to look at Pam. She tries to hold it in, but can’t, and buries her laughter into Jim’s arm.

Michael: Sometimes I feel I’ve got to/ Run away I’ve got to /Get away /From the pain that you drive into the heart of me /The love we share /Seems to go nowhere /And I've lost my light /For I toss and turn I can't sleep at night...

Jim (laughing): He didn’t even change the lyrics!

Jun 24th 2007

An acrostic regarding Michael's true feelings for the departure of Toby.

Totally the worst employee.
Obnoxious and a
Buttface.
Yeah, I don’t care that he just up and quit. Said something about Costa Rica.

Fun-sucker.
L7 Weenie. Complete square.
Ex.
Not good at anything.
Daughter, not so bad. Gets her looks from her mom.
Ex. Should be mentioned twice. Couldn’t even keep his own wife.
Ryan deserved to be back there with him. Both a bunch of pansies.
Surfing? Betcha he really blows at it.
Oh, he took my money once, too. Ugh.
Not my problem any more!

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