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[Closed] Summer Contest Challenge #6:...regardless of Creed...
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Jul 9th 2007 edited

This week's challenge comes all the way from Australia. Mixed Berries offers this prompt. We'd like to thank him for his participation, and for his moderator-ship.

Creed has done something to upset/anger the entire office. Describe what he did and how the office handles the matter.

Challenge Details:

Creed is only allowed one short line to defend or explain himself (not both).

Creed’s deed should not be anything we’ve already seen on the show. Must be an original idea.

Any writing/scene style is allowed.

Judging criteria:

Responses are to be evaluated on the following:

  1. Overall impact
  2. True to characters
  3. Appropriate to challenge prompt
  4. Creativity

Reminders:

  • Deadline for submitting entry #6 is midnight PST, Sunday, July 15
  • Voting for challenge #6 begins Monday, July 16
  • This thread is for challenge topic and entries only; please go to the contest description thread for questions/discussion.
  • No Editing Allowed on entries once submitted. Double-check word count (250 word max) and content before posting.
  • Please review contest description for other details.
Jul 9th 2007

Kevin (TH): I have never visited any of those websites... What was the first one again?

Phyllis (TH): No, Bob and I have never done that in the women's bathroom over the lunch hour. (Blushes)

Stanley (TH): (Laughing, but stops when he notices Michael by the doorway.) I never said any of those things. (Turns and sees Michael is gone.) It's all true, and I think it's hilarious. (Resumes laughing.)

Meredith (TH): I know for sure that Creed is not Jake's father. (Ponders) Maybe...

Jim (TH): Apparently Creed self-published a tell-all book about everyone who works here. (Holds up book.) 9 To 5 Confessions: An Office Insider Spills The Beans About Dunder Mifflin by Creed Bratton.

Michael (TH): (Reading, then looks up.) All these incidents are taken out of context. And what the heck is some of this stuff. Flonkerton? But the worst part is he had Kinko's do all the printing.

Andy (TH): (A tall stack of books in front of him.) I bought all the remaining books and paid the guy at Kinko's to destroy the master copy. This will help me get on everyone's good side. Don't know what I'm going to do with all these, though... Flips through one of the books, stops, then turns the book sideways. Dwight and... Angela?

Creed (TH): (Counting a handful of $20 bills, then looks up.) Book? I have no idea what you're talking about. (Smiles, then goes back to counting.)

Jul 9th 2007

(Michael walks into the office with camera crew filming him from the front. He stops, stares and grins.)

Michael: Whoa Jerry, you doin' the network president? How'd you get the money for a second crew?

(Camera spins around to Creeds desk, a camera crew is recording Creed working at his desk.)

Jerry: What the hell?

(Michael realizes what's going on, walks up to Creeds desk)

Michael: What the hell Creed? Who gave you permission to do this?

(Creed stares ahead and continues typing like Michael doesn't exist, Michael storms off to his office, slams the door, then opens the door and drops a lit roadside flair)

Dwight (yelling): The signal!!!! (grabs Ginsu knife and runs to Michael's office)

Michael (head in hands): Oh no, oh no no no, he is ruining my big chance (notices camera)...to...show...the world how a paper office is run with fun and efficiency?

Pam(TH): Observation has taught me that for Creed, while his former way of life has damaged his brain, it has also given him the ability to control it. He can "turn off" his hearing and also, at will, forget entire languages for periods of time. He does it during meetings, alot.

Creed(TH): 這 部 紀 錄 片 是 為 我 的 朋 友 在 香 港

Jul 10th 2007

Truckin',
Creed's got cash to flout,
Truckin',
After his cockfight bouts,
He held 'em
in the office and warehouse,
He just keeps truckin' on.

Talons and beaks were flying around the machines,
Creed counted his money among the gambling fiends.
The roosters were preened and prepped in Michael's office,
and Creed's rock star pals trashed the place with Peter Kriss.

Dwight, he lost his bobbleheads,
All of
Michael's mugs are dead,
No M&Ms going in Kevin's head,
this place just ain't the same.

Truckin',
They all know it's Creed,
Truckin',
but Mike won't do the deed,
Keeps Creed on 'cause it makes Toby peeved.
Creed just keeps truckin' on.

Sometimes all eyes are lookin' at him,
Other times they just think he's dim.
Creed always just grins and says . . .

[wait for it]

"I never really listened to the Dead. Jammed with 'em. Lived with 'em. Slept with some of 'em. Good guys."

Jul 12th 2007

Karen’s departure from Dunder Mifflin is cause for celebration… of her years of service. The office potluck has a typically appropriate theme. “An Italian Feastival!”, decrees Michael, “to celebrate what defines Ms. Filippelli, beyond her exotic beauty.” Pizza is delivered (“Everybody likes pizza, even bl… onds. Right, Angela?”) and a variety of Italian dishes (Andy says repeatedly that Karen is his favorite) are brought by co-workers. Michael attempts a festive tone by alternately singing an aria and laughing at his performance:

“La donna immobile
She’s in a body cast
Not hard to make her stay
She’s going nowhere fast…”

While everyone seems to be enjoying the food, the employees are somber as they tolerate yet another gathering in the conference room. But the mood soon begins to lighten. Halfway through her plate of spaghetti, Angela wanders over to Roy and inquires flirtatiously about his new physique. Anderson echoes her friendliness, and when the tête-à-tête is noticed by Dwight, Schrute springs into action. An attempted roundhouse kick to Roy’s sternum misses the target completely and instead sends Ryan tumbling over chairs. Jim and Pam find this scene inappropriately amusing and laugh uproariously. Meanwhile, Kelly sits silently in a corner, mesmerized by the play of light and shadow on the blinds.

Ignoring the unfolding chaos, Michael, on his third helping, approaches the cook with a mouth full of pasta and a question:

“Creed, this is the best spaghetti ever. What did you put in here?”

Creed smiles: “Ran out of oregano.”

Jul 13th 2007

(Majority of the office is assembled in the breakroom for lunch.)

Meredith: So, how do you know Creed?

Woman: Who?

Meredith: The man that brought you here.

Woman: Oh, I met him on the bus this morning. Lovely man. Offered me some postage stamps, then said he was on his way to singles mixer and invited me along.

Angela: This isn’t a brothel. It’s a paper supply company.

Woman: Well, how do you explain all of the young ‘uns? Last I checked, the legal age of consent was sixteen.

Jim: That’s not the age limit for working. That’s for something else. Besides, they don’t work here - it’s “Bring your Daughter to Work Day.”

Woman: My God. Not since I used to shuttle stray dogs across the Nile in Bangkok have I seen this kind of thing. Those children should be in school, or at least at their orphanages.

Angela: They’re not orphans. They’re here because they are children of the employees. Technically, you don’t qualify to be here.

Woman: Oh really? And what about him? (points at Toby) Where’re his parents? He clearly wants to go home.

Michael: He doesn’t count. He works here. As much as we all wish he’d just get run over by a train, already.

Angela: Will somebody please tell Creed that he cannot bring random bus people into work with him?

Creed TH: To tell you the truth, I’m not 100% sure she isn’t my offspring. There’s really no way of knowing these things.

Jul 13th 2007

Homeless guy: “You gonna eat that, sister?”

Angela: “Yes I’m going to eat that. And please stop breathing on my couscous. You stink like a winery.

Toby TH
Some people are upset. It seems a pipe burst at the Lackawanna Food Pantry. Until they make repairs, Creed said they could use our office. You’re really supposed to run these things by corporate first.

Michael: “Welcome homeless brethren…” An East German-looking woman lying on Ryan’s desk looks up. “…and sisteren. Please accept our hospitality because there but for the grace of God goes Stanley. And maybe Oscar.”

Pam: Dwight, why do you have all the office fire extinguishers on your desk?

Dwight: I distinctly heard that long-haired one with Creed hum the words “Light my fire. Try to set the night on fire.” The streets of America’s cities are littered with the unmedicated criminally insane. I’m not taking any chances.

Kevin TH
I get where these folks are coming from. I was homeless once. We had a gig in Carbondale, and we rocked. Triple encore. We didn’t get home until dawn. Stacy made me sleep in my car. So yeah, I get them.

Meredith: Did we meet at an A-- I mean, a sales meeting?

Homeless guy: Huh?

Creed TH
This fair city pays good money to its partners in the private sector who help provide social services. If that check clears, there may be burst pipe at the shelter too.

Jul 13th 2007

Michael: I’m sure you all know why I’ve called this meeting…

Jim: No, actually.

Michael: O…k. Well, you all must have noticed that Creed has been petitioning the office to turn the women’s restroom into one coed restroom.

Angela: (disgustedly) Oh, that. Yes, we most certainly have noticed.

Michael: Good, well I have called this meeting so that we can discuss the finer points of the plan.

Pam: Wait, you’re actually considering this?

Michael: Yeah, why not? We’re a family, aren’t we, Pam? Families share things…just like I am about to share this with you. (He waves a few stapled sheets of paper in the air.)

Phyllis: Michael, what is that?

Michael: I found it on Creed’s desk. It’s titled “Plan for the Restructuring of the Dunder-Mifflin Lavatory System, by Creed Bratton.”

Creed TH: After I discovered that the restrooms weren’t really “whites only,” I decided to move ahead to Phase Two.

Stanley: (in a bored voice) So if everyone used the women’s room, what would happen to the men’s room?

Michael: Uh, it says here… “Phase Three: turn men’s room into a sweat lodge.” What’s a sweat lodge?

Dwight: The sweat lodge is a ceremonial sauna typically used by Native American peoples for important rituals. John Locke built one on LOST. It was very effective.

Jul 15th 2007

wnep news studios.... “three, two, one... cue guest!...”

i’m michael scott, regional manager of dunder-mifflin paper, here to respond to some things said in last night’s man on the street segment.

first. creed bratton.... i love him like an old man. but he lies. you couldn’t have picked a worse interviewee. lies like a schoolgirl. for instance, he does not, as he says, sleep under his desk. we don’t employ the homeless.

second. no one’s banging the receptionist. if she was being banged, believe me, i’d be gettin’ me some details. i mean, we’re all friends there. best friends. so when someone’s trying to keep a secret, we all know it and we don’t tell.

what?... time? ok. i’ll just... run through the list? um, we don’t have wild asian stripper parties. they were waitresses. and the pornographic cartoon problem? taken care of.

the ladies room’s not been taken away. ok? we don’t want our lovely ladies sitting there with their legs crossed all day right? and, like the men’s room, it’s open to all colors and creeds... oh! and persuasions.

and no one’s got that killer nano... nanu.... robot thing. ...let’s see. oh! look at me. see? men’s clothes.... from men’s wearhouse, but... plug!

and i have not been to prison. never convicted. we did employ a convict once. bad idea. but, we have pepperspray if we have to again.

oh! and there are no kamasutra parties. that was a meeting...

commercial! go! go!

Jul 15th 2007

The women are hovering over the reception desk.

Phyllis:
It’s so creepy.

Angela:
He should be imprisoned.

Meredith:
Imprisoned?

Kelly:
It’s totally disgusting. I don’t even want to walk down that hallway anymore. Who knows what else he’s rigged up!

Pam:
I can’t believe he’s still allowed to come to work.

Toby (approaches):
I’m just letting everyone know that we’ve located and taken down all the cameras. Creed says understands what kinds of expectations of privacy people deserve to have at work, and he will only use the restrooms in the lobby from now on.

Angela:
Did you find the tape?

Toby:
Not yet.

Creed TH:
Aren’t we making a documentary?

Toby TH:
I did find the tape.

<Scene cuts to Toby and Creed by Creed’s desk. Toby gives Creed cash for three cassettes. Creed tucks the money into a duffel bag that is filled with cassettes. Toby discreetly gives the cassettes to Stanley as he passes his desk.>

<Toby voiceover>
Creed rigged some kind of fiber optic camera through a wall tile. He patched it perfectly. We never would have found it if the grout around it hadn’t crumbled and needed replacing. The camera angle revealed everything, including inch markers he’d etched into the sides of the urinals. There are months of footage, sorted by name. I thought Stanley should have his back. He appreciated it.

<Scene cuts back to Toby>

You know how I’m taller than Michael? The ratio is consistent. I’m not firing anyone for documenting that.

Jul 15th 2007

Dwight and Jim are at their desks. Dwight’s phone rings

Dwight: Dwight Schrute speaking. ... Hello yourself, I’m doing fine. ... Well, yes, I do enjoy watching Battlestar Gallactica, but I don’t think that would be appropriate. I don’t even know you.

Jim perks up.

Dwight: Wait, why are you asking me this? (listens, jaw clenches, eyes widen) What!? That is not official! (slams phone down) Jim! Why was I just propositioned by a strange woman!?

Jim: (raises hands) Whoa, don’t know anything about that.

Dwight huffs at him.

Jim: Seriously. I wouldn’t even know how to begin to make that happen.

Dwight: Michael!

Michael TH: (face in hands) Uuugh. This is a real doozie. (looks up) So, apparently, Creed has been selling dates, on eBay, with our single employees, and, in typical fashion, they are fuh-reaking out. I don’t see what’s so horrible about it. I mean, it’s kind of flattering in a way, if you think about it. Unless nobody bids on you. (chortles) That would suck, huh? (composes self) And he just listed their work phone numbers. It’s not like he gave out their addresses or anything. (stops, looks at computer, moves mouse around, clicks) Yeah, no address.

Toby TH: Yeah, it’s a disaster. Pretty much everyone’s complained. I..., I’ve never dealt with anything on this level. Personally or professionally.

Kelly TH: After the first three or four calls, I definitely noticed something weird was going on. (counts on fingers)

Creed TH: The highest? Meredith. Very photogenic.

Jul 15th 2007

An Amalgamated Limerick

ANGELA: "Someone posted a picture. It's degrading."
MICHAEL: "God! You look like a hook-uh...a lady."
PAM: "That's not even me,
Between the neck and the knee."
CREED: (shrugs) "I learned Photoshop in the Navy."

Jul 15th 2007

We see OSCAR enter the office, but the camera doesn’t follow him in. A few steps inside the door, he begins to back out. Closing the door behind him, he turns to the camera.

OSCAR: Did you . . . ? Ugh.

PAM exits the elevator behind him, and comes up the hallway. Before she can put her hand on the doorknob, he speaks to her.

OSCAR: I don’t think you want to go in there.

PAM: No?

OSCAR: No.

PAM: Is it . . . because of Dwight?

OSCAR: I don’t know. I don’t think so.

As PAM taps her finger on the doorknob, DWIGHT joins them.

DWIGHT: Why are we all standing around in the hallway?

PAM: Oscar says we shouldn’t --

OSCAR: There’s an odor. You don’t want to smell --

DWIGHT: You guys are idiots.

He goes in, sits at his desk, and breathes heavily. Then he very matter-of-factly stands up, picks up his briefcase, and marches back out, past PAM and OSCAR, and back to the elevator. CUT TO: DWIGHT TH in the parking lot.

DWIGHT: I have a laptop and a cell phone for just such occasions. My productivity will drop zero percent.

CUT TO: Michael walks past OSCAR and PAM, nonplussed, and then spins on his heel and comes directly back out.

MICHAEL: So, did you guys have a good weekend?

CREED (talking head): They told me it was moo shoo pork. Whatever it was, it was delicious. I kept some in my desk for lunch. I love ethnic food.

Jul 15th 2007

MICHAEL enters the office, bright and chipper.

MICHAEL: Morning, gang, hey howdy hey! Toy Story 2. (opening his office door) Everybody ready—(overhead bucket dumps liquid on his head) Nggggh! What the—hey, is this Ovaltine? I loved this stuff. (runs fingers through hair, brings them to mouth)


Reception. Phone rings. PAM lifts receiver; it slips through her fingers and bangs on the desk. She tries again, juggles it, manages to gingerly balance it in her hands, and lowers her head to the receiver.

PAM: Um—sorry—Dunder-Mifflin, this is…Hello?


DWIGHT, at desk, reaches for his drawer, finds it stuck. He struggles briefly, stands, steps in front of drawer, leans forward, and yanks hard with both hands. Drawer pops open; a small paperweight is fired out, striking him in the forehead.

DWIGHT: Dammit, Jim!

JIM: (pause) It…wasn’t me.

DWIGHT: Come on, Jim. Who else in this office could have obtained a Stamford High Black Knights paperweight? Don’t say Andy, he’s sick. (to self) Is he ever.

DWIGHT (TH): Three days ago, Andy said his water bottle tasted funny. He’s been out since then. After what happened with Oscar, I thought I should pay a little house call…. (somberly) Haven’t seen a case of dysentery that bad since Mose was three.

JIM: Wait…how’d you get that? (reaches for own drawer; finds it stuck as well; freezes, bewildered. Camera glimpses satisfied-looking CREED)


CREED (TH): Because they’re getting too close to the truth. And so are you.

Camera lurches forward, screen goes black

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