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[Closed] SUMMER 08 HIATUS CONTEST WEEK #1: A PLETHORA OF PARODIES
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Jun 2nd 2008 edited

Welcome one and all to the kick off of the 3rd Annual Northern Attack Summer Hiatus Contest. The first prompt has been kindly provided by the first place winner of last year's contest; the one and only garbagethrower. Thanks, gt!


Prompt:

We all know that Weird Al has nothing on Michael Scott, but The Boss is not the only song (parody) writer in the office. Others have secretly penned take-offs that reflect their views of others or of their world. Write a parody of a popular song as an Office character would.

Challenge Tips:

Including the title of the original song and which character wrote the parody is suggested. Regarding song choice, parodies work best for the audience if they are very familiar with the song.

Format: Writing

This is a writing challenge. However, if you would like to record your version of this song and post the link at the end of your entry, you are welcome to do so. But you must post the lyrics of the parody in order to complete your entry. Also, if you would like to link to the original song on youtube, you can do that as well.

Parameters:

No word count restrictions on this challenge, but more is not always better.

Judging criteria:

Responses are to be evaluated on the following:

1) Overall impact
2) True to characters
3) Appropriate to challenge prompt
4) Creativity

Reminders:

  • Deadline for submitting entry #1 is 10 pm EST on Sunday, June 8.

  • Voting for challenge #1 begins Monday, June 9.

  • This thread is for challenge topic and entries only; please go to the general contest thread for questions/discussion.

  • No editing allowed on entries once submitted. Double-check your entry in the general contest thread before posting it in this thread.

  • Please review contest description for other details.


Without further ado, let's get started! Here's a little quote for creative inspiration.

Has anyone ever come up to you and said, "You're not creative"?... Well they're wrong. You are creative. You are damn creative. Each and every one of you. You are so much more creative than all of the other dry, boring morons that you work with. -- Michael Scott, Local Ad

Jun 2nd 2008

"Cocaine Blues" by Jim, for Pam, about Ryan

originally by Johnny Cash

Early one mornin' while strokin’ my ‘stache
I took a shot of cocaine and I made my website crash
Paranoid that the cops were near;
I headed home to my tv and quaked with fear.

Awake all night, doin’ rail after rail. Started out temping; ended in jail.
Why did I put in for this? Coulda spent a lifetime studying piss.

Locked up in stir, tryin' to think,
when in walked the Scranton girl wearing all pink.
I needed outta here, so I threw on a smile.
“So, Ryan,” she sneered, “Is this, like, The Green Mile?”
I pled: "Kelly, oh, Kelly, please. If you bail me out, I'll give you babies."
Thought I had her, ‘til she said, with a grin
"My baby's name is gonna be Usher Philbin."

When I was arrested, I was dressed in black.
Now in an orange jumpsuit, numbers on my back.
Michael showed up, and what the hell?
Told all the other cons that my name was Belle.

Now here I rot, waiting for court.
God, what I’d do for another snort.
My life’s ruined, I’m such a dope.
And I really need to get my soap on a rope.

Come on you’ve gotta listen unto me!
Lay off the beard trimmer,
and let that cocaine be!

Jun 2nd 2008

"Silver Sebring" by Oscar about Michael

Yellow Submarine, hopefully obviously.

In the town where I still work,
Lives a man who manages this branch,
And he's lived all his life
In the land of Penn's trees,
Though, he sells paper well,
Still he looks for some glee
But he lives above his means
in his silver Sebring

He only drives a silver Sebring
silver Sebring, silver Sebring
He only drives a silver Sebring
silver Sebring, silver Sebring

And his friends are all indoors
None of them live next door
And Darryl begins to play

He only drives a silver Sebring
silver Sebring, silver Sebring
He only drives a silver Sebring
silver Sebring, silver Sebring

(Full speed ahead Mr. Schrute, full speed ahead
Full speed ahead it is, Michael.
Cut the cost, fire the Devon
Aye, Sir, aye
Michael, Michael)

As he lives a life of grief
Every one of us notes easily
Jan's a bitch; Seriously!
In his silver Sebring

He only drives a silver Sebring
silver Sebring, silver Sebring
He only drives a silver Sebring
silver Sebring, silver Sebring
He only drives a silver Sebring
silver Sebring, silver Sebring

crosses fingers that Markdown makes all new lines...

Jun 2nd 2008

With apologies to one of the greatest musician/actors of our generation, I present Jimmy’s Girl, as sung by Toby Flenderson:

Jimmy is a friend,
yeah, I know he's been
a good friend of mine,

But lately something's changed
that ain't hard to define
Jimmy's got himself a girl
and I want to make her mine
And she's watching him with those eyes
And she's lovin' him with that body,
I just know it
Yeah 'n' he's holding her
in his arms late,
late at night,
while I dream of umbrella drinks in Costa Rica.

You know, I wish that I had Jimmy's girl,
I wish that I had Jimmy's girl
Where can I find some boobs like that

I play along with the charade,
there doesn't seem to be
a reason to change
You know, I feel so dirty
when they start talking cute
I wanna tell her that I love her,
but the point is probably moot
'Cos she's watching him with those eyes
And she's lovin' him with that body,
I just know it
And he's holding her
in his arms late, late at night,
while I dream of kicking Michael’s ass.

Like Jimmy's girl,
I wish that I had Jimmy's girl
Where can I find some boobs,
where can I find some boobs like that

And I'm lookin' in the mirror all the time,
wondering what she don't see in me
I've been funny,
I've been cool with the lines,
(Well, maybe not so cool with the lines)
Ain't that the way
love supposed to be

Tell me, where can I find some boobs like that
Where can I find some legs like that
Where can I find an ass like that
Where can I find a smile like that
Oh where can I find some boobs like that

You know, I wish that I had Jimmy's girl,
I wish that I had Jimmy's girl
I want Jimmy's girl,
where can I find some boobs like that, like
Jimmy's girl,
I wish that I had Jimmy's girl,
I want,
I want Jimmy's girl

Original lyrics
Video, which is actually not nearly as cheesy as I thought it would be, although there are some good moments around the 2:00-2:15 mark.
Sweet album cover.
Another great album cover just because

Jun 3rd 2008

Not my finest effort, but oh well. Here goes...

"Doin' It All For My Pammy" by Jim Halpert, in the style of Huey Lewis and the News

Early in the morning, I’m still in bed
She comes to me with sweet affection
Wakes me with kisses, hello Jim, my love.
Gets me moving in the right direction
I do my best to sell some paper, be a go-getter
It seems like everything I do I’m doing better

Doing it all for my Pammy
Because her boobs are fine as they can be
Doing it all for my Pammy
For everything she does for me

Pranking Dwight at the office, its been a busy day
She lays her head upon my weary shoulder
Listen to her laughing, I snuggle up and say
Now I’m with you Pammy, the loneliness is over
I do my best to sell some paper, be a go-getter
It seems like everything I do I’m doing better

Doing it all for my Pammy
Because her boobs are fine as they can be
Doing it all for my Pammy
For everything she does for me

Jun 3rd 2008

Don't Stand so Close to Pam
by Toby Flenderson, courtesy of The Police

Young receptionist...the subject
Of HR fantasy
He wants her...so badly
His hand rests on her knee
Beside her...there's Andy
This boy is full of rage
Shredding paper...she's so close now
This girl is half Creed's age

Don't stand, don't stand so
Don't stand so close to Pam
Don't stand, don't stand so
Don't stand so close to Pam

Love contracts...procedures
Don't want to miss a step
Sometimes it's not so easy
To be the HR rep
Temptation...frustration
His moves met with rebuke
Wet bus stop...Meredith's waiting
Her van is full of puke

Don't stand, don't stand so
Don't stand so close to Pam
Don't stand, don't stand so
Don't stand so close to Pam

Loose talk in...the office
Things building to a head
Pam's coming...she's so close now
You know that's what she said
It's no use...the red sweater
Can't think of a good excuse
Just like the...big cat in
That book by Dr. Suess

Don't stand, don't stand so
Don't stand so close to Pam
Don't stand, don't stand so
Don't stand so close to Pam

Jun 3rd 2008

The Girl Is MineMichael Jackson and Paul McCartney

A duet by Andy Bernard and Dwight Schrute

(Dwight)
She’s the one who holds the key to me
Even though we’ve been apart
She returned the cuffs one, finally,
But not the one that fits my heart

The girl is mine
The doggone girl is mine
Don’t waste you time
Because the doggone girl is mine

(Andy)
I don’t understand your saying that
She’s completely over you
Dude, you cooled things when you froze her cat
Now she’s hot for me, Andrew

You fool, she’s mine
The cat-gone girl is mine
You took your time
And now the cat-gone girl is mine

(Andy)
I love you more than he
(And you said ok!)

(Dwight)
But you’re my pet, monkey
(I’ll find you a stray!)

So pick me! (Pick me!)
Not this clown

(Dwight) But we both cannot have her
So it’s time that she chose
Darlin’ – save me from sharing
My four-poster with Mose

(Andy)
I’m still learning how to treat you right
Like to never lick your cones

(Dwight)
Remember, we’d be in a fight
And would end up jumping bones?

The girl is mine
The doggone girl is mine
She’s my fräulein
The doggone girl is mine

(Dwight and Andy)
She’s mine, she’s mine
No, no, no, she’s mine
The girl is mine (Uh, she’s mine!)
No, she’s mine! (That’s funny, because she’s mine!)

(Andy, spoken)
Dwight, we’re not gonna fight about this, ok?

(Dwight, spoken)
Andy, I think I told you, I’m a lover, not a fighter, but I could kill you instantly if I wanted to.

(Andy)
Why don’t you go ahead and go jump in the river? The river of losers.

(Dwight)
After you, a-wipe. And don’t forget your paddle.

(Andy)
That’s what she said.

(Dwight)
Wait—she told you? I don’t believe it!

(Andy)
What??

(Andy and Dwight)
The girl is mine! (Mine! Mine!)

(Fade out/Repeat)

Jun 3rd 2008

Please pardon the wobbly vocals and bad harmonies. Harmony is not my strong suit.

Original: The Bee Gees, "I Started a Joke"

Parody: The Napkin Tantrum, "I Started the Joke"

Singer: Michael

Lyrics

I started the joke that started the whole world crying
But I couldn't see
that the joke was on me
Pam started to cry, it started the whole world laughing
But I couldn't see
that the joke was on me

I called her a punk
Told her, "no severance"
because she'd been stealing junk
Ryan was shaking his head
cos I'd made Pam sad
with the things that I said

So I finally died in a black hole of shame
cos I'd finally seen
that the joke was on me
I started the joke that started the whole world crying . . .

Jun 3rd 2008

"Michael & Jan" by Pam Beesly
A parody of "Jack & Diane" by John Mellencamp

Little ditty ‘bout Michael and Jan
Two American kids growin’ up in the heartland
They get together, and then they fall apart
Where will it end, and where did it start?

After they closed a deal at the local Chili’s
Michael fell for Jan but she said, “Don’t smell me, please”
He said, “Hey Jan, let’s run off to the palm trees”
And so their love began, in the warm Jamaican breeze

Oh yeah, life goes on
Long after the thrill of Sandals is gone
Oh yeah, life goes on
Long after the thrill of Sandals is gone
They walk on

Michael sits back, reflects his thoughts for the moment
Jan’s abuse won’t stop, once it begins
He decided that she made him unhappy
But changed his mind when introduced to “the twins”

Oh yeah, life goes on
Long after the thrill of Sandals is gone
Oh yeah, life goes on
Long after the thrill of Sandals is gone

Gonna let it rock, let it roll
Will Holly Flax come and save his soul?
Will Michael always remain loyal to Jan
Even though she got pregnant by some other man?

Little ditty ‘bout Michael and Jan
Two American kids doin’ the best they can

Jun 4th 2008

"Firm Called Dunder" by Jim Halpert
set to "Land Down Under" by Men At Work.

Live my life here in Scranton, P.A.
Sellin' paper's how I spend my work day
Work with a drunk lady, she makes me nervous
It freaked me out when I signed her pelvis

And I say...
I work for a firm called Dunder
"What do they sell?" you may wonder
Office Max tryin' to steal our thunder
Don't stay too long, you'll never recover

I sit by a man in a green shirt
Hit himself with his phone, it made his face hurt
Payback for when he stole my commission
And he won't smile 'cause he thinks it's a sign of submission

But he'd say...
I work for a firm called Dunder
"What do they sell?" you may wonder
Staples guys tryin' to steal our thunder
Don't stay too long, you'll never recover

Best friends with the girl at the front desk
Somehow we make it though this work mess
And you may ask, "How are these two thriving?"
Well, we spend all our nights Whole-Body-High-Fiving

So we say....
We work for a firm called Dunder
"What do they sell?" you may wonder
Internet tryin' to steal our thunder
Don't stay too long, you'll never recover

We work for a firm called Dunder
"What do they sell?" you may wonder
Sierra Club tryin' to steal our thunder
Don't stay too long, you'll never recover

Jun 5th 2008
Office Theme
Parody of Office Theme as if sung by an accapella
Welcome
to Dunder Mifflin's Scranton Branch
This is Michael Scott
Here's a copy machine and a calculator
This is Dwight K. Shrute
Now here's some white out and some paper falling to the ground
This Jim Halpert
Here's a highlighter and
This is Pam Beesly
Here's a water jug
This is Ryan Howard
Dwight
Ryan
Pam Jim
And Michael
Welcome to the office!
Jun 5th 2008

"More Than Those Four Words"
by Michael Scott

A Parody of "More Than Words" from Extreme

The words "That's What She Said"
Are my favorite words to say to you
It's not that I'm dirty
But when you set me up what can I do?

Those four words are the key to showing I'm fun-ny
"That's What She Said" is all it takes to win the heart of every
Single girl in the room.
And everyone else at the same time

What can I do?
When words like "hard" are said by you?
"That's What She Said" has to be
Those four words are truly key
What can I say?
When "long" and "all night" come my way?
"That's What She Said" grabs your ears
And turns my sweat into your tears

"Ahh ooh ooh aah ooh ooh ahh ooh ahh"

(That's What She Said)

Those four words together
They are the greatest thing thru and thru
From the english lexicon
I'd catch one just to give those words to you

How can I
Let an opportunity pass by?
To say "That's What She Said"
It's the greatest gift words can give
These words, give me a warm feeling deep inside
That's What She Said

They come to mind
When the word "big" my ears find
"That's What She Said" is so true
No greater words could I give to you
They sound so sweet
When words like "red" and "swollen" meet
How could I let a chance go by
To make your eyes puff up and cry

"Ahh ooh ooh aah ooh ooh ahh ooh ahh"

(That's What She Said)

"Ahh ooh ooh aah ooh ooh ahh ooh ahh"

(That's What She Said)

"Ahh ooh ooh aah ooh ooh ahh ooh ahh"

(That's What She Said)

"Ahh ooh ooh aah ooh ooh ahh ooh ahh"

(That's What She Said)

Original Song

Jun 5th 2008

"Charges"
by Ryan Howard featuring That Hobbit Guy on Saxophone

Originally sung by David Bowie

Oh yeah
Mm
Still don't know what I was thinking of
And now they're being filed
A thousand extra reams and
Every time I logged each one twice
It seemed it was not so discreet
So I saw the SEC audit me
But I've never caught a glimpse
Of how the others must see the wanker
I'm not ashamed I shave my chest

Ch-ch-ch-ch-charges
(At least it wasn't cocaine)
Ch-ch-charges
Only wanted to be a richer man
Ch-ch-ch-ch-charges
(At least it wasn't cocaine)
Ch-ch-charges
They really shouldn't have fired Jan
They may charge me
But I can't face time

I watch the others stare in surprise
They can't help but beam
at my impermanence
I think growing this beard was unwise
I don't know why it turned out lame
And these laurels that I sit upon
Only wanted to change the world
I'm immune to your accusations
I'm quite aware of what I did not do

Ch-ch-ch-ch-charges
(At least it wasn't cocaine)
Ch-ch-charges
Shareholders only want to see profits
Ch-ch-ch-ch-charges
(At least it wasn't cocaine)
Ch-ch-charges
Played the game
Maybe I'll get out on work permit
They may charge me
But I can't face time

False accusations, accusing me
Ah charges- Seems jail is the place I'm going to

Ch-ch-ch-ch-charges
(At least it wasn't cocaine)
Ch-ch-charges
Oh, look out you comptrollers
Ch-ch-ch-charges
(At least it wasn't cocaine)
Ch-ch-charges
Pretty soon now I hope this'll be over
They may charge me,
But I can't face time.
I said that they may charge me,
But I can't face time.

Jun 5th 2008 edited

Unfortunately this post cannot be considered for this week's contest judging because it was edited after it was submitted. --The CPC

Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Jan
By Phyllis Vance
For her old friend, Michael

Twinkle, twinkle, little Jan,
How I wonder how you can
Justify the way you love,
Crazy fits you like a glove!
Twinkle, twinkle, little Jan,
How I wonder how you can!

Your disheveled psyche running deep
Michael follows like a sheep,
Crush him like a little bug,
Callous, heartless, you’re a slug.
Twinkle, twinkle, little Jan,
How I wonder how you can!

Nothing’s ‘neath your wicked soul
Michaels’ diary you even stole;
The guileless man, no more in folly
He should run right straight to Holly.
Twinkle, twinkle, little Jan,
How I wonder how you can!

link to the original kids’ song lyrics

Jun 5th 2008

The Grilling Buffoon by Pam Beesly

A parody of The Killing Moon by Echo & The Bunnymen

At my desk we listened to you
Tell us about your injury
Stay home and rest I begged you
Alas, you did not agree
The grilling time
For belly of swine

Baked your foot in a grill
Red and swollen skin
It will hurt until
You take some aspirin

In the conference room I saw you
So calmly you called me
Asked me to rub butter on your foot for you
Your request did not fill me with glee
The grilling buffoon
Don't expect that anytime soon

Baked your foot in a grill
Red and swollen skin
It will hurt until
You take some aspirin

Ryan pretended he didn't hear you
When you fell when you tried to pee
You had no choice but to make do
A burned foot is not a disability
In fact it's rather benign
In a day or two you'll be fine

Baked your foot in a grill
Red and swollen skin
It will hurt until
You take some aspirin

Jun 5th 2008

"Andy Doesn't Know" sung to the tune of "Scotty Doesn't Know" by Dwight to Phyllis. (Please imagine your own elaborate head-banging -- probably in the backseat of Jim's car.)

HEY!!!

Andy doesn't know That Angela and me Do it on her desk every Sunday. She tells him she's going to Church But she doesn't go, Still she's on her knees and ...

Chorus: Andy doesn't know - oh Andy doesn't know - Oh D So don't tell Andy! Andy doesn't know Andy doesn't know Phyllis don't tell Andy!

Monkey says she's home sewing But she's in my beet fields and I'm not hoe-ing

Cuz Andy doesn't know! [Repeat Chorus]

I can't believe that he proposed While we're in The Office, indisposed

There's rockin' robin on his phone But I'm rockin' his bird when he's not home If he knew, he'd hit a wall But he knows nothing NOTHING!

Andy doesn't know! [Repeat Chorus]

Battlestar Galactica's an awesome show Sorry, Angela, Sprinkles had to go

Andy doesn't know! Andy doesn't know! Andy doesn't knooooow!!

Scranton parking lot, why not? Your caboose is smoking hot Up at Cornell, in the snow? It's not strictly carnal, but ...

Andy doesn't know! Andy doesn't know!

I nailed her on Toby's last day!

Andy doesn't know! Andy won't know! Andy doesn't know! Andy's gotta know! Gotta tell Andy! Gotta tell him myself!

Andy doesn't know! Phyllis don't tell Andy! Andy's gotta go!

Jun 5th 2008

Levinson Must Be Loco
a Michael Scott joint

inspired by "Livin' La Vida Loca"

"She used to work at Corporate
Then became my condo guest.
My favorite things about her,
They hang off m'lady's chest.

She loves to light her candles
After we've had a fight,
And then she dances sexy
While blasting "That One Night".

She got a boob enhancement
But she stole my diary.
Sometimes I think I love her
But I'm in such misery
From my third vasectomy!

She threw my beer sign out.
Jan Levinson must be loco.
But then I start to doubt
Is Levinson really loco?
She tapes us while in bed
And we watch it back in slo-mo.
I'd rather spoon instead.
Miss Levinson might be loco.
I think that she's probably loco.
Except when she brings me cocoa.

Now I learn that she is pregnant
But that I was not the cause.
Maybe I'll find me a new hot mama
When I go with her to Lamaze.

In between her mood swings
There are moments I don't dread.
If lovin' should be easy
Then why's this so hard instead?
Yes, that is what she said!

She threw my beer sign out.
Jan Levinson must be loco.
But then I start to doubt,
Maybe it's me who's loco?
She tapes us while in bed
And we watch it back in slo-mo.
I'd rather spoon instead.
Jan Levinson might be loco.
Well maybe she is un poco.
She's braising the osso buco.

When we moved in together
I thought there'd be ketchup fights.
I didn't think she'd go and paint
My bedroom eggshell white.
I should have stayed with Dwight!

She threw my beer sign out.
Jan Levinson must be loco.
But still I have some doubt,
Is Levinson really loco?
She tapes us while in bed
And we watch it back in slo-mo.
I'd rather spoon instead.
My Levinson might be loco.
I think that she's probably loco.
Let's run off to Acapulco.

Levinson might be loco.
Aren't we all just a tad bit loco,
And who can be more loco than me?!"

Jun 5th 2008

Funny isn't coming, so I decided not to force it. Besides, sappy's good too.

How You Saved My Life, a duet by Jim and Pam

sung to the tune of How to Save a Life, by The Fray

(Jim)
Step one: you say we need to talk.
She balks, you shed a tear and then you walk.
She stares forlornly at her ring
You kiss her hard cuz you're not through

Some sort of window to your right
It's the view of a lonely Stamford night
Between the lines of what you said
You begin to wonder why you fled

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along on the interstate
And I would have stayed there with you that night
Had you known you were my entire life

(Pam)
Let him know that you know best
Cause after all you do know best
Say you value his friendship
Without admitting it's more than that

Pick up the phone and call your mom
Tell her everything that just went wrong
Thank God she's there to hear you
Oh God, he's here, he heard you

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along on the interstate
And I wish he had stayed with me that night
But I couldn't let go of my old life.

As he returns to his old job
You're ready for the chance that you were robbed
Strive until until you see his arm
across the back of the one who followed

He will do one of two things
He will admit his true feelings
Or he'll say that he's over you
And you'll begin to wonder why you tried

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along on the interstate
And I wish he had stayed with me that night
But I couldn't let go of my old life.

(Jim & Pam)
Why'd we take so long, we lost such time
Flailing against our loneliness
And now we know what should have been that night
You've truly saved my life

Why'd we take so long, we lost such time
Flailing against our loneliness
And now we know what should have been that night
You've truly saved my life

Jun 5th 2008

Falling Slowly sung by Jim and Pam Falling Slowly sung by Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova Sung as if Jim and Pam began singing on the Beach in the water. Still in flashback :] Here's a link of a video I made for this song(original): Jim and Pam Falling Slowly

Jim and Pam: I can't have you But I want you But more than that Words fall through me And always fool me And I can't react Jim: And Pranks never amount To more than they're meant Won't play themselves out Jim and Pam: Take this yogurt lid and point it home We've still got time You raised your hopeful voice you gave me a choice You need to make it now Falling slowly, eyes that know me And I can't go back Moods that take me and erase me And I'm painted black Jim: You have suffered enough And warred with yourself It's time that you won Jim and Pam: Take this yogurt lid and point it home We've still got time You raised your hopeful voice you gave me a choice You need to make it now Take this yogurt lid and point it home We've still got time You raised your hopeful voice you gave me a choice You need to make it now Falling slowly sing your melody I'll sing along

Jun 6th 2008 edited

The CPC apologizes, but this entry has been deleted for violating contest rules, specifically:

"So as not to offend, vulgarity must be kept at an R-rated level or lower. That includes language and content. The Contest Planning Committee reserves the right to remove your entry if it crosses the boundary between tasteful innuendo and not-so-tastefully in the end-o."

While the CPC does not wish to be the "decency police", we put this rule in place with forum input because there are community members of all ages and sensibilities. And what some of us are comfortable with, others we have to recognize may not be.

Please feel free to resubmit or contact the CPC to discuss at dmpaperco@gmail.com. For contest purposes, this post will be disregarded.

Jun 6th 2008

"Fairytale of Scranton"
Sung by Michael and Jan

Inspired by "Fairytale of New York" by the Pogues, featuring Kristy MacColl.

Michael:
There was awesome blossom
In the Chili's.
Our client said to me,
"I guess I'll have some ribs."
And then we sang a song,
"I Want My Baby-back,"
We had a girly drink
And asked about Gould.

Now you and Gould are done.
You're now Jan Levinson.
I've got a feeling
This sale's for me and you.
So let's sell paper.
I love you, baby.
I can see a better time
When all our reams come true.

Jan:
Kevin's farts have more smarts
And you act way too bold.
But my shrink gave instructions
so I'll do what I'm told.
When you called me up
at that Christmas party
You promised Jamaica
was waiting for me.

Jan:
You were handsome!

Michael:
You were hottest!
Jamaican Sun Goddess!

Both:
When that picture was taken
Who knew there'd be more?
The warehouse was hooting
All the worker's were rooting
"Mike Scott is a rockstar
And Jan's looking tight!"

Chorus:
The boys of Scrantonicity
Were singing "King of Pain."
And our love is purely based
on our disdain.

Jan:
You're a dunce
You're my bitch

Michael:
You're an old, crazy witch
Who always makes me do weird things in bed.

Jan:
You waste all your money
Your jokes are not funny
Shove your neon beer sign
All the way up your ass.

Chorus:
The boys of Scrantonicity
Were singing "King of Pain."
And our love is purely based
on our disdain.

Michael:
I could have sired your son.

Jan:
Well so could anyone.
You took your genes from me
When I last saw you.

Michael:
I'll help you raise your babe
I'll raise it as my own.
Can't make it all alone
I've built my dreams around you.

Chorus:
The boys of Scrantonicity
Still singing "King of Pain."
And our love is purely based
on our disdain.

Jun 6th 2008

I heard this original Elvis song on the radio and it reminded me of Jim’s struggle with Karen and Pam.

Prelude to a Date (Jim’s Confession, Part II)
Sung by Jim Halpert

to Karen
I admit I didn't love you quite as often as I could have,
I agree I didn't treat you quite as well as I should have,
If I made you feel second best,
I'm so sorry, it was Pam

Pam was always on my mind,
But, it was never the right time

It’s true I didn't get you, when you talked those five long nights,
And I guess I should have told you I'm not happy; I’ve been blind,
Many things I should have recognized,
But it seemed like we were fine

’Til Pam came in to my mind,
So, I must leave you behind

to Pam
Beesly, tell me that our friendship hasn't died,
It’s me, wanting more than that, so put our past aside,
I’ll keep you satisfied

There were signs that I now recognize,
Were your feelings just like mine?
I couldn’t forget you, so it’s time

Pam, to have you in my life
I am no longer so blind
You were always on my mind

Original song, You Were Always on My Mind, by Willie Nelson because Elvis screwed it up

Jun 6th 2008

Bed at Schrute Farms sung to the tune of Bed of Roses
by Bon Jovi

Sitting here wasted and wounded with this green recorder
Trying hard to learn a William Joel song I don't know
Cause a bottle of beet vodka is still lodged in my head
A petite blonde gave me nightmares; I wish she was still in my bed.
I must find the right way to tell her "Sorry your cat is dead."

I couldn't sleep, because I know that right now you're mourning
the death of Sprinkles your cat while it's me you're ignoring
Some things that you think, I find hard to believe
Like that there's uses for animals other than meat
But I'll try if you'll just come home with me

Cause I wanna lay you down on a bed at Schrute Farms
So tonight I don't sleep in "Night Time" alone
I want you to be just as close as the smell of Mose is
On the animal pelts, on a bed at Schrute Farms

Now we're both at work, know I'll be thinking about how
I just wanna be friends. Plus a little extra. Also, I love you.
I miss your sweet charms and your weak woman arms
I'll find you a new cat, I think there's one in the barn.
I'll put creme on this ones rear end

Cause I wanna lay you down on a bed at Schrute Farms
For tonight, I'll sleep in "Night Time" alone
I want you to be just as close as the smell of Mose is
On the animal pelts, on a bed at Schrute Farms.

Now the snack machine's empty, no Baby Ruth's left
The redhead is drunk, she showed me her breasts
I might have told her she's gross but I Reported her to HR instead

I wanna lay you down on a bed at Schrute Farms
For tonight, I'll sleep in "Night Time" alone
I want you to be just as close as the smell of Mose is
On the animal pelts, on a bed at Schrute Farms.

Jun 6th 2008
Original Song - "Gangsta's Paradise" by Coolio

"Pranksta's Paradise"
Performed by - "Phat" Jim Halpert feat. Darryl Philbin and the Dinkin' Flicka Band


As I walk in the doorway and I head to my desk
I take a look at Pam B. and realize Schrute’s on my left
Cause I been lackin’ and slackin’ so long that
That even a fake sheriff wants to see me gone

But I ain't never messed with Dwight when didn't deserve it
A grown man with bobble heads, you know that's unheard of
You better watch how you talking, and where you walking
Or you’ll be in the warehouse taped up in a box

I really hate to do it, ‘cause I’m not a jerk
But I told you not bring your purple belt to work, fool
I'm the kinda G that little homies wanna be
Tellin’ all at Dunder Mifflin That “Dwight tried to kiss me”

Been spending most my life
Living in a Pranksta’s Paradise
I can’t get enough of Dwight
Living in a Pranksta’s Paradise
Keep spending most my life
Living in a Pranksta’s Paradise
Well, I’m doing quite alright
Living in a Pranksta’s Paradise

I'm a educated fool, with funny on my mind
I Got Pam by my side and a gleam in my eye
I'm a joke filled pranksta, phat paper seller
I know Beasley is down, just wait ‘till I tell her, fool

Quittin’ time ain't nothing but a heart beat away
I'm livin’ life nine to five so, what can I say?
I'm twenty-three now will I live to see twenty-fo'?
The way I put his stuff in jello molds

Tell me why are we -- so blind to see?
’Cause you used your mace – on Roy for me

Been spending most my life
Living in a Pranksta’s Paradise
I can’t get enough of Dwight
Living in a Pranksta’s Paradise
Keep spending most my life
Living in a Pranksta’s Paradise
Well, I’m doing quite alright
Living in a Pranksta’s Paradise
Jun 6th 2008

From: Dwight
To: Monkey
(Performed just before they decided to jostle the file cabinets in Goodbye Toby)

I Want You Back - Original Song by George Michael

There's women you can woo
By singing a song,
Didn't think that was you,
But Andy proved me wrong,
Since you cast me away,
I've learned more than you know,
Sometimes you think you did the right thing,
But I didn't and now all I have is Mose.

I knew you were grieving
So I gave you some time,
Then I'd beg your forgiveness
and again, you'd be mine,
But then Andy popped the question,
Before I could make amends,
Every Schrute's got his patience
And here's where mine ends

I want you back
I want your love
I want you back
I want you…back

You're playing with his mind,
You're torturing my soul,
We've wasted so much time,
So why don't you just let him go,
I'll tell you this right now,
But you already know, (Fact:)
If you marry him you're gonna regret it,
(Question:) Do you love him? (Answer:) No!

I swear I'll protect you,
Be kind to your cats,
I follow the bible,
I can kill very large rats,
He de-stroyed private property
When Jim hid his phone,
But you won't get that with me
Because I never lose control,

I want you back
I want your love
I want you back
I want you back…now.

It's natural,
It's chemical, (Just do it.)
It's logical,
Habitual, (Do it now.)
It's consensual,
But most of all...

I think that you know what you should do,
You're meant for me and I'm meant for you,

Beets are natural – beets are good,
Not everybody eats 'em,
But everybody should,

Beets are natural – beets are fun,
My beets are best when they're on your tongue,

On your tongue,

(Huh! Fact:)
You don't want Andy,
(Huh! Say it.)
He's like a brother,
(Huh! Do it.)
Just come to me now.
(Do it now.)
Because I'm your lover (With sex!)

C-c-c-c-come on

What's your definition of engagement, monkey,
What do you consider monogamy,
Don't you know I love you till it hurts me, monkey,
Don't you think it's time you came back to me,

What's your definition of engagement, monkey,
What do you consider monogamy,
Don't you know I love you till it hurts me, monkey,
Don't you think it's time you came back to me,

Back to me,
Back to me,
Mmmm…5…4…3….

Do it. Do it. Do it…2, 1!


And, for your listening giggles, here is my recorded version. Please have patience with it and remember, don't count me off for it since this is a written prompt. Also, there are a couple of vocal cameos by Dwight Schrute, so thank you, Dwight.

Jun 8th 2008

the song is the kingsmen’s version of louie, louie.

creed wrote this. or he may actually think that this is how the original goes. there’s no way of knowing.

-

as toby's party winds down and the band finishes their last song of the night, creed comes up and asks if he could play one with the them. everyone’s game.

after a little conferring on stage, creed turns and says, “this one’s for jim and pam,” but he points to andy and angela. there’s puzzled looks all around but creed nods to darryl who kicks it off.

louie, lou-eye
ohh noo, said ah, we gotta go
yeah, yah, yah, yah, yah, yah

ah said ah louie lou-eye
ooh baby
said ah we gotta go

me love a girl
she don't love me

it send me sail
across the sea

far from that girl
as me could get

still, love for her
won't loose me yet

louie, lou-eye
ah, nah, nah, nah
ah said'ah, we gotta go

ohh, noo, ah said ah louie lou-eye
oh baby
said ah we gotta go

one day me see
exotic girl

me look too long
mist ’round me swirl

i run, but rum
it lay me down

she witch. she spin
me head around

--- chorus 1 ---

me sail me home
dark spell on me

witch say me love
me never see

hear love’s voice, smell
rose in her hair

but curse be strong
can’t see her there

--- chorus 2 ---

then five long nights
witch chant me name

lost soul of mine
again she claim

another ship
she did prepare

to carry me
so far from there

--- chorus 1 ---

but on the brink
a glint me see

a talisman
love made for me

and magic words
writ by her hand

did break the spell
and save the man

--- chorus 2 ---

--- guitar break ---

as creed gets into the guitar solo, he walks over to andy and angela's table. as he plays, angela’s shaking her head and giving creed her sternest look of disapproval and andy’s vigorously pointing at jim and pam. creed gives a little nod, winks at angela and says "don't worry, you kids get together in the last verse." he heads back to the mic. they both look disgusted as he turns to start the next verse and is, clearly, still focusing his serenade on them.

me flew so fast
to find me love

o’er thousand leagues
this me dream of

to slay the witch
and beast within

to take me love
me arms again

--- chorus 1 ---

Jun 8th 2008

You Raised Me Up By Michael for Holly (before he saw Jan)

*Based on You Raise Me Up performed by Josh Groban.

Please lift your voice and sing along*.

My apologies for butchering a beautiful song that is probably inspirational to many people

When I was down and oh my soul so lonely
When Jan moved out, and my heart horny be
And I was still wounded in my griefbone
Until you spoke and moved a part of me.

You raised me up, it was love at first see.
You raised me up, to walk now's not easy.
I was wrong, you're not an ass like Toby.
You raised me up, to all that I can be.

Instrumental stuff

You raised me up, and without plastic boobies.
You raised me up, are you sure there's no orgy?
I so long for you to be its holder.
You raised me up, it's a gift for you from me.

You raised me up, now I will stand up proudly.
You raised me up, I want the world to see.
I last longer now that I am older.
You raised me up, it's kind of hard to pee.

Big finish...

You raised me up, for sex now I am ready.
You raised me up, I wish Ryan could see.
I am strong and wise and have a boner.
You raised me up, as big as I can be.

You raised me up, Holly can you see

Jun 8th 2008

“That’s What She Said”most of the employees are singing the same lines they wrote
This was written for Bosses Day for Michael
Sung to the tune of “I Want It That Way” by the Backstreet Boys

You Are – World’s Best Boss (Dwight)
When do – I get off? (Stanley)
How’d you – get ahead? (Phyllis)
Cuz’ that’s what she said (All)

Can you – keep it up (Jim)
I know – it will be hard (Jim)
Can you – go all day (Jim)
Cuz’ that’s what she say (All)

Michael Scott – We know you’ve got the street cred (Darryl)
Michael Scott – By your mastery we are led (Andy)
Michael Scott – You are the World’s Best Boss (Dwight)
You know that’s what she said (All)

Will you – be long? (Kevin)
Can you – hold this for me? (Meredith)
Like Britney to K-Fed (Kelly)
That’s what she said (All)

Now I can see that we’re coming together (Holly)
Like the way that a team should be, yeah (Oscar)
We all know the motto on your coffee mug, so (Creed)
Captain of our ship you’ll be (Pam)

You are – Worlds Best Boss (Dwight)
You are – Michael Scott (Angela)
When I, When I, Grow up… (Dwight, Creed, Kevin)
I wanna be you! (Andy)

We know you’ve got the street cred (Darryl)
By your mastery we are led (Dwight)
Michael Scott – You are the World’s Best Boss (Jim)
You know that’s what she said (All)

Jun 8th 2008

Flax Wants Me by Kevin Malone for Holly Flax

Parody of Take on Me by A-Ha

You came into our lives
Took over HR
From that monster. You like that I drive
You helped me count all of my monies
What can I say
We can share my M&Ms, OK?

Flax wants me (Flax wants me)
Flax me want (Flax wants me)
We’ll be banging
In a day or two

I like your pantsuits
Think I do, mon
But that’s me thinking you’re cute
I’m slowly learning that you smell like fruit
Buckling me in
If you rub my leg, you won’t be sorry

Flax wants me (Flax wants me)
Flax me want (Flax wants me)
We’ll be banging
In a day or two

Oh, you’re watching me play
Is it me or
Do you want my body today
You’re all the things I want in
a woman
What can I say
We can share a cherry pie, OK?

Flax wants me (Flax wants me)
Flax me want (Flax wants me)
We’ll be banging
In a day or two

Jun 8th 2008 edited

Unfortunately this entry came in after the 10 p.m. deadline, so out of fairness it can't considered for t his week's judging. But please read it, because it is quite awesome and is a good sign of what we can expect from Rump from here on out. (That last part should not be construed as any kind of TWSS opportunity, by the way.) --The CPC.

Angie by Andy "the Nard-Dog" Bernard

Parody of "Angie" by The Rolling Stones

Angie, Angie, my love can't be put to rest,
Angie, Angie, your chaste ways have sure put me to the test,
After five moonwalks past your desk, your high-buttoned shirts wouldn't let me rest,
Can't you see how hard I've tried?
But Angie, Angie, I started to see a change in tide,
Angie, you're beautiful, it'd be easier if you drank wine.
Angie, I gave you another cat when Sprinkles "died".
All that necking on the couch, I promise to stop when you say ouch,
Can't I just unbutton this first one here?
Angie, Angie why is our union based on fear?
Oh Angie don't you frown, I will slowly wear you down,
I love that rolling of your eyes.
But Angie, Angie, where did you get your taste for beets?
With no nookie past first base, and that judging look on your face,
You've become more ball than chain.
But, Angie, I still love you baby,
Though our love might be a lie.
There ain't no other man that wants to come close to you,
Come on baby, I went to Cornell.
But Angie, Angie, where just one question from me.
Angie, Angie, when can we just get back to "Oh D?"

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