Not signed in (Sign In)
Welcome to The Watercooler, the companion forum to Northern Attack and all things concerning The Office on NBC.

Guests are free to browse the forums, although you will need to register for an account if you wish to participate in the discussions or use any of the advanced features of the forum (bookmarks, history, etc).

If you already have an account, please sign in now.

The Watercooler is powered by Vanilla, the sweetest forum on the web.

Bottom of Page
[Closed] SUMMER HIATUS 08 CONTEST WEEK #2: KAREN'S LAST WORDS
  1.  
1 to 23 of 23
Jun 9th 2008 edited

Round 1 is done, and let's just say that everybody brung it. This is already shaping up to be a fierce competition, but the only losers are those who chose not to get in on the fun. This week's prompt is brought to us by Brian, one of last year's contest winners.


Prompt:

When Season 4 got under way, we caught a glimpse of Jim and Karen arguing in the breakroom. Then, in a talking head, Jim explained that Karen, after vowing not to leave because she'd worked too hard for her career, was simply gone the next day. Of course we know Karen landed on her feet in sunny, Utica, N.Y.

Well, in Alternate Universe Scranton, Karen left only after telling everyone in the office, privately and individually, exactly what was on her mind.

Choose a character, any regular or recurring character, and write a script for the dialogue that transpired between them. Feel free to include relevant stage cues and such.

Restrictions:

  • The word limit is 250 words.
  • While this is Alternate Universe Scranton, the outcome must be the same as in "real" Scranton, meaning you can't change things so Karen doesn't leave (I don't see that happening) or she spontaneously combusts in the parking lot (as tempting as that may be for some of you).
  • Audio alternative: You may submit an mp3 (or n3p) recording of yourself and others you may recruit acting out your scene. You'd still have to submit the scene written out, but to encourage folks to make the extra effort and really bring the creative, the word limit for this option is 400 words, a 60% increase (clarified for clarity). See rules for instructions on posting mp3's (and n3p's). If you're really feeling froggy you can shoot a video of your scene being acted out and YouTube it.

Judging criteria:

Responses are to be evaluated on the following:

1) Overall impact
2) True to characters
3) Appropriate to challenge prompt
4) Creativity

Reminders:

  • Deadline for submitting entry #2 is 10 pm EST on Sunday, June 15.

  • Voting for challenge #2 begins Monday, June 16.

  • This thread is for challenge topic and entries only; please go to the general contest thread for questions/discussion.

  • No editing allowed on entries once submitted. Double-check your entry in the general contest thread before posting it in this thread.

  • Please review contest description for other details.


Good luck!

Jun 9th 2008
(Karen talking on the phone..)

Karen: I can’t believe how much I gave up for him…all for nothing! I should have seen it coming…Jim is so good at being “Mr. Charming” to get what he wants. He used it to reel me in to be his rebound when Pam sent him packing, and he used it to string me along and make her jealous until he could work his way back in to her life.

He even has Wallace wrapped around his finger! That guy loves Jim….if he only knew how Jim really feels about this job….he thinks it’s just one big joke!

But anyway, I want to thank you for putting me in Utica….you made the right decision. I’m just glad I still have a friend in this company. But I’m telling you….watch your back with Jim, he’ll sell you out to David in a second to get ahead. He even told me the only reason you got the corporate job is because he withdrew his name.

(Voice on the other end of the phone…)

“Oh, I wouldn't worry about that. I can handle Jim” (Phone hangs up…)

(Karen smiles…)

(Cut to Ryan…)

Ryan: Look alive, Halpert!

(Fade)
Jun 10th 2008

Exit Interview

Karen, tears in her eyes, leaves the building, and sees Toby. Karen stops, then walks over to him.

Karen: Hey Toby.
Toby: Hey Karen. Are you ok?

Karen just looks at him

Toby: S-sorry.

Karen resumes walking.

Toby: Hey, Karen? I’m really going to miss you. You and Jim seemed good together. Mostly. I’m sorry about how that turned out.
Karen: I bet.
Toby: Huh?
Karen: Please. It’s obvious you have a thing for Pam.

Toby, unsurprisingly, is befuddled.

Karen: But did you ever do anything about it? Did you ask her out or even try and talk to her more? No. You just sat back on your ass, doing nothing. I tried to make my relationship work. It could have worked. But you blew it with Pam. You didn’t even try, you little insignificant child.
Toby: You can't force these things. They take--
Karen: Don’t tell me they take time! You had the time! You had months of Pam by herself. Maybe if you’d done something . . .
Toby: Yeah.

Beat

Karen: This place sucks.
Toby: I'm moving to Costa Rica.
Karen: You won't do it.
Toby: Yeah.

Silence. Then Karen sighs.

Karen: Good luck, Toby. Overall, you’ve been pretty decent.

Beat

Toby: You want to go to Poor Richard’s? I could use a drink.
Karen: (pause) Ok. But not there.

Cut to: Karen and Toby in a disheveled bed.

Karen: Wow. That was amazing.
Toby: It sure was, Pam.

Karen looks at an oblivious Toby.

Jun 10th 2008

Karen: I’m about to head out, Phyllis. Just wanted to say good-bye and thanks...for everything.

Phyllis: Oh. Before you go, everyone chipped in to get you a going away gift. (Hands Karen an envelope)

Karen: Everyone? (Meaning Jim and Pam)

Phyllis: Well...almost everyone. Actually, I think some went missing.

(Camera pans over to Creed)

*Talking Head *

Creed: To date I have stolen from this office twelve thousand sixteen dollars and forty-three cents. I keep it in my locker at the bus station so I can blow town at a moment’s notice. (Pause) Such is the nature of life on the lam.

End talking head

(Karen takes envelope and opens it)

Karen: Oh. A gift certificate for Vance Refrigeration. Thank you.

Phyllis: Bob’s got a great sale on kegerators this month!

Karen: Great. Well...thanks again, Phyllis. Bye.

Phyllis: Bye, Karen.

(Karen picks up her box of belongings and turns to leave)

Phyllis: Oh. Karen. Before you go...I hate to mention it, but you still owe me for that sales makeover.

Karen: Right. I do, don’t I? (Takes out gift certificate and puts it on Phyllis’s desk) That should about cover it. Bye, Phyllis. (Karen exits).

(Phyllis looks at the envelope and does her trademark “Phyllis is sad” look.)

Jun 11th 2008

Karen is leaving Dunder Mifflin Scranton. Though most co-workers are doing their best to avoid her, she manages to corner many of them, one by one.

“As for you, I honestly don’t know where to start. It’s obvious there were feelings here long before I followed Jim to Scranton, and that they grew the whole time I’ve been here. All that “You should date him” crap—yeah, right. I'll admit, there were lots of signs that I ignored, and that’s on me. I wanted to believe that he really cared for me, and me alone. But I could have been spared some pain and humiliation if you were honest with me from the beginning. But no, you sit there quietly and Jim falls more in love than ever. You knew more about where things stood than you let on, I'm sure of that. Who knows what all went on behind closed doors. All those times you looked over at him—you knew what was in his heart. Things finally came out in the open at the beach, but it sure was a long time coming. What? You think this is a good time for a joke? Is my pain funny to you? Well, here—maybe you’ll enjoy this. Thanks a lot for clueing me in.”

In one swift movement, the target feels the full force of a Filippelli who’s been crossed, and Karen smiles with satisfaction as her Italian boot to the crotch sends the cameraman reeling.

Jun 12th 2008

Karen is in the break room getting a cup of coffee. After taking a few sips, she notices a notepad on one of the tables. She goes over to it and sees a page with her and Pam's names at the top, with attributes listed under each. She then looks at some of the other pages, and sees pages and pages of M&Ms drawn as sexy women. She realizes it's Kevin's notepad and decides to confront him about it. Before doing so she first has another cup of coffee.

Karen approaches Kevin who is sitting at his desk looking at his monitor.

Kevin: (Quietly) Peggy... nice.

Karen: KEVIN!

Kevin quickly clicks his mouse. Karen shoves the notepad in front of his face.

Karen: What is this?

Kevin looks at the notepad, then around his desk, then up at Karen.

Kevin: Hey!

Karen: Well?

Kevin glances over at Jim, then looks down.

Kevin: I can't tell you.

Karen: Yes you will tell me, Kevin. One way or another.

Karen smiles. Kevin perks up.

Later. Camera close-up on Kevin's face.

Kevin: Oh, yes. That's it. Don't stop.

Camera zooms out. Kevin is receiving a foot massage from Karen. Both are fully clothed, and she has on yellow kitchen gloves and a white paper mask.

Kevin: You know what would be great, is if you took those gloves off, and I took my socks off.

Karen: Don't push it. Anyway, I think that's enough. So spill it.

Kevin rubs his goatee for a moment.

Kevin: Well...

Just then, Pam opens the break room door and sees Karen and Kevin.

Karen: I can explain...

Pam makes a lips zipped motion with her hand.

Karen: (Quietly) Maybe you aren't a bitch after all.

Pam: What?

Karen: Nothing.

Relieved, Karen goes to hug Pam. They hug.

Kevin is watching intently, with a smile on his face.

After they're done hugging, they separate, but then Karen kisses Pam sensually.

Kevin: YES!

Kevin runs to go get his camera.

Pam pushes Karen away.

Karen: You're really going to date him?

Pam nods.

Karen: Ok.

Karen walks away.

Karen (TH): Utica, here I come.

Later. Ryan comes into the break room and looks around for something. He freezes when he sees the empty coffee pot. He goes over and looks inside the funnel.

Ryan: Oh [Bleeped].


MP3 Link | Alternate MP3 Link

Jun 12th 2008

Cup, Half-Empty

BREAKROOM:

(Karen pulls the coffee pot out of the unit and pours herself a cup. She sighs. She puts the coffee pot back, grabs her coffee and starts to stir. Creed enters, shiftily, with something hidden behind his back. He approaches her, invading her personal space.)

Karen: (bending backwards a little) Oh, hey, Creed. I wanted to talk to you…

Creed: (interrupting) Listen, sister. I heard from a little birdie, you're Splitsville. (looking around and whispering) I know a guy who knows a guy who knows someone. Talk to Murphy back by the dumpster at Francis Willard on even-numbered Tuesdays or Fridays when the forecast calls for partly cloudy skies. Tell him Aldonza sent you. Also, you'll need this back. (stuffs something into her hands and exits quickly)

Karen: (to the closing door) Uh…thanks?


Karen [TH]: It's not even mine. Clearly. (She holds up a bra by the strap with disgust. The cup size is bigger than her face.)

Jun 12th 2008

An hour after the most awkward going-away party ever thrown by the PPC has ended, the Scranton office is in shambles. Karen has left a path of destruction in her wake, as she has gone through the office telling every person just what she thinks of them. Kelly and Phyllis have already run from the room with mascara-streaked faces. Creed can't figure out why some Spanish chick called him a lecherous old fool. Kevin has avoided her wrath, but only because he barricaded himself in the men's room for the last 45 minutes. Michael is gently weeping in his office, and Dwight is too stunned to comfort him. There's just one person left for Karen to confront. Jim is at his desk, absorbed in the 2004 Dunder-Mifflin supply catalog as Karen approaches the receptionist area. Pam braces herself for the worst but Karen doesn't break stride as she passes the front desk. But as she opens the door to the hallway, she turns and utters the last words she will ever speak in Scranton:

"So long, c@#t!"

Jun 13th 2008

The Dunder-Mifflin breakroom. Karen enters, pushing an familiar and unwieldy karaoke machine ahead of her. She stops in the middle of the room and grabs the microphone.

Karen: It’s my last day here and I thought to commemorate it, I’d sing you all a little song. A few in attendance might recognize it, especially you, Kevin.

Kevin looks up from his lunch and a slow grin spreads across his face.

Kevin: Niiiiiice…

Meanwhile, Jim and Pam are sitting at their usual table in the corner, frozen in place. Jim’s ham and cheese sandwich lies there, forgotten, and Pam has a French Onion chip in her hand, frozen halfway to her mouth.

Jim and Pam [in unison, to no one in particular]: Oh no.

Karen smiles wickedly before turning to face the newly-minted couple. She presses play on the karaoke machine and clears her throat dramatically, just as Phyllis walks in with an unopened bag of microwave popcorn.

Phyllis [dejectedly]: Oh, um, I guess I’ll go use the kitchen microwave for this. Even though it smells like old popcorn.

Phyllis backs out slowly and Karen begins to sway in time with the music. Kevin snaps his fingers to the beat and Jim and Pam glance at each other in trepidation, awaiting the musical onslaught of emotion.

Karen: I dedicate this to you, the King and Queen of DM Scranton. May your reign be short and not so sweet. Because…I…want…you to know…that I’m…hap…py…for you. I…wish…no…thing but…the best…for…you…both…

Jun 13th 2008
[Karen is in the Break Room, crying. Phyllis enters.]
Phyllis: Are you okay?
[Karen sniffles.]
Phyllis: Are you and Jim having problems? Sometimes when Bob and I are having troubles, we try something new. We once took a cooking class. Or you can try role playing, tying each other up …
Karen: That’s not, uh …
Phyllis: Whip cream. You know, Bob once did this dance…
Karen: PHYLLIS!
[Talking head]
Phyllis: Bob has a voracious sexual appetite. [Meek smile.]
[Return to Break Room.]
Phyllis: Maybe if you wore more feminine clothing…
Karen: He broke up with me!
Phyllis: Oh.
Karen: And now, he’s seeing Pam!
Phyllis: Well, they’ve always had a secret romance.
Karen: What?!
Phyllis: Oh yes, everybody knows.
Karen: Everybody knows! Everybody knows?! I’m sure you were just rooting her on! Go ahead, Pam, steal the guy away!
[Kevin walks in. Looks around. Retreats.]
Phyllis: Um …
Karen: It’s just like you people! You all adore Jim and Pam with their stupid, little pranks! That’s the great office achievement isn’t it? You’re all just waiting for Pam to beat me, weren’t you? All of you just sitting around listening to Michael’s ridiculous meetings, watching Jim put stuff in jello, and you get nothing done! Accomplishing nothing! You’re just a bunch of nothings!
Phyllis [in a huff]: Well, I think maybe it’s time you left Scranton, missy.
[Phyllis leaves and Dwight enters.]
Dwight: A little birdy told me that you and Jim are on the outs.
[Karen looks up blankly.]
Dwight: Would you like to form an alliance?
[Karen promptly resigns.]
Jun 13th 2008

KAREN'S LAST WORDS -- FOUR ACROSS.

Michael has just called another meeting in the conference room. Stanley is searching for his crossword puzzle. He can't find it. Karen's things are in box on her desk. She is not seen entering the conference room.

Stanley: directed at Phyllis Where's my puzzles?

Phyllis shrugs.

Cut to earlier scene.

Karen, while packing her things, notices Stanley's crossword puzzle. She picks it up and walks into the breakroom.

Cut to end of meeting.

Everyone is walking out. Stanley notes his crosswords book sitting back on his desk. He looks at it.

Camera notes Karen's things are gone.

Cut to talking head.

Stanley shows the puzzle from his desk to the camera. It has been haphazardly filled.

Stanley says:

Read some? Ugh... hmmm...

Top row reads -- JIM& PAM MEHHH.
Ten, Eleven, and Twelve down -- HATE.
Thirteen across: Type of Cheese -- ANDY.
Nineteen across: Existence -- JIMSHOULDNOT.
Nineteen Down: Summation -- JIMSUX.
Twenty Across: Fireman's is crossed out. Now says, "Jim's Tool" -- SHORT.
Twenty Five Down: Ides' Back Stabber -- PAAAAM.
Thirty Two Across: Greeting -- VANCEFRIDGE
Thirty Four Down: Utopia -- UTICANOJIM
Thirty Four Across: About (Meredith's) Face -- UGLYY
Forty Across: Steal a great deal? -- CREED
Forty Down: Fowl (odor) -- PHYLIS
Fifty Across: Distinct (Kevin) sounds -- FARTS
Sixty Four Across: Fork -- JIMS
Sixty Five Across: Ball -- EYE

Below it, she wrote, "Sorry Stanley. Talk later, raise? - Karen :)"

Jun 13th 2008

Karen enters Michael’s office

Michael: Hey, Spumoni.

Karen: I’m getting ready to leave and just wanted to thank you for the recommendation.

Michael: No problemo. So, how are you handling the big break up? Want to talk about it?

Karen: No.

Michael: I know! What you need is a girl’s night out and since you don’t have any friends here, I’ll take you out. It’ll be fun! Just like on Sex and the City! I’ll be your Carrie Bradshaw. You know what they say, ‘Chicks before di-’

Karen interrupts before he can finish

Karen: No, Michael. Thanks. You know what would really help me out? If you could look after Jim. He’s taking this break up really hard.

Michael: But he broke up with you, didn’t he? He looks fine to me.

Karen: It’s all a show. He’s trying to save face. He keeps calling me and well, he really needs a friend, right now.

(Michael nods in agreement)

Karen: So, you really need to be with him. Go to dinner. Take him out. Whatever. He’s going to tell you he’s ok, but don’t take no for an answer. I’m afraid of what he’ll do. Better yet. Go to his house. Spend the night. You know what? Take that Gymkata dvd you made us watch last month. He loved that movie.

Michael (wide eyed and still nodding): Gymkata. The skill of gymnastics, the kill of karate.

cut to Karen TH

Karen: Payback’s a bitch.

Jun 14th 2008

Camera walks up to janitors closet, opens door to find Karen inside.

"Everyone gone? It's been an hour in here."

Camera moves up and down

"Well then thanks, I'd like to do this alone."

Karen walks inside office, Camera doesn't follow, but watches secretly. Karen starts to pack her things

"How did this happen? How dare she. She had no right! He was mine, not hers!"

Slams last item in box.

Other voice: "He was never yours to lose"

Karen spins, camera goes to pan, but is blocked by file cabinet.

"I wasn't talking to you, its none of your business."

"You spoke out loud, this conversation is your own fault. He was never yours to lose, so don't cause secular problems due to a private matter."

"What does that mean? Are you making an accusation?"

"No accusation, I'm just aware of the possibility of something. For someone who's 'career won't be sidetracked by this' you're leaving quickly, you must not want to be here for what's next"

"Maybe you should keep your guesses to yourself"

"Fine, I wish you a pleasant life."

"Thank you, same here."

Karen swiftly walks to door

"It won't work, Karen."

Camera moves position to hide, pans as Karen walks past, dialing phone, she mutters

"We'll just see about that, Angela."

Puts phone up to ear.

"Ryan?"

Camera back to watching Angela, who smiles at reception.

"Sorry, Pam. Had you a secret to keep, I'd of gladly done that instead."

Smile disappears, straightens hair, walks out

Jun 14th 2008

Are you really leaving me?
Yes.
Why?
Pam.
Oh my GOD, Halpert. Honestly?
I love her.
You love her? Since when?
Since I started at Dunder-Mifflin...
You're phenomenal. If you knew all this time, why did you start dating me?
I thought it was over with her when she rejected me and I moved to Stamford. Since I came back here, I realized I still loved her.
Why did you tell me you wanted to be with me?
Because I thought I did.
We were happy...weren't we?
(Silence)
You did this to me the day that we met. You let me hang myself for your amusement. Why didn't you just tell me earlier and saved me from all this?
I...I was confused.
You're a coward, you stupid prick. Tell me, was I not good to you?
(blank stare). Come on, Karen. Don't do this.
Just answer the question.
Yes. You were good to me.
What did I do wrong? Was I not a good enough f--k?
Karen, that's not...Can we not do this now, here? I'm sorry. I'm sorry we were...
DON'T SAY IT. Don't you f---ing say 'you don't deserve me'. you don't, but don't say it. You're making the mistake of your life. Why are you apologizing? So you'd feel less guilty? How do you feel?
Guilty.
Did you ever love me?
No.
That's the spirit...Finally, some honesty. Now f--k off and die, you f---ed up bastard.

Jun 14th 2008

Karen finishes packing her things and walks into Michael’s office.

Karen: Michael, I just wanted to thank you for recommending me for the Utica job. It’s been a rough week…
Michael: (solemnly) I know that Jim broke your heart, and even though he’s like family to me, I wanted you to know that my loyalty to your Family is…indeflabitable.
Karen: I’m sorry?
Michael: I like to think that by recommending you for the Utica job, I made corporate an offer they couldn’t refuse. Under his breath, to the camera: Pacino, Scarface.
Karen realizes and sighs.
Karen: I’m not in the Mafia, Michael. Not all Italians are.
Michael: (not listening) I don’t want Jim’s actions to reflect poorly on Dunder Mifflin Scranton. Is there anything else I can do?
Karen: (realizing this could work in her favor) Actually, I think Stanley would do really well in Utica…
Michael: NO! No. Not Stanley. He begins to cry. Can’t you take Toby? Take anyone else, please –
Karen: Michael, I –
Michael: Please! Can’t I just do a favor for you, or something? Can’t I – He lowers his voice – is there anyone who should sleep with the fishes?
Karen: (glares at Michael as she tears up and begins to yell) What’s the point? She’s already sleeping with Tuna! She flees the office.

Michael (TH): What a day. Karen loses Jim. I almost lost Stanley. And the Mafia loses me as an ally. I guess crime doesn’t pay.

Jun 14th 2008

karen’s last word

karen has said all she needed to say and heads out of the scranton branch for the last time. the elevator door opens and kelly emerges.

kelly glances down at the box in karen’s arms then quickly looks back up with a touch of surprise on her face.

karen: i’m...

kelly: you’re leaving?!? how come? (gasps) you found out jim was still in love with pam!?! oh, baby, i feel so bad for you. what happened? (gasps) you didn’t catch them fooling around did you?!? was it at jim’s house? (gasps) it wasn’t at your place, was it? ’cause i totally had a friend who that happened to. she had to get a new mattress and everything. girl, i knew they’d been doin’ it behind your back. i mean, i look at him and he’s all looking at her and i look at her and she’s all making them eyes back at him and i look at you and you’re all working and stuff. must’ve been like a hundred times a day. i even bet ryan they were doing it. but then he thought they were doing it too so, instead, we bet on how much we thought they were doing it. (gasps) what did he say to you?!? what could he say, right? what did you say to him? baby, if i were you i would’ve said, “unh, unh, mister! we ain’t sharin’ and comparin’! not this girl. not in this world." it’s just like in that movie...

Jun 15th 2008

On the audio version
Karen Fillipelli played by myself (influence : Patty Simpson (Marge Simpson’s sister))
Kelly Kapur played by my wife (influence : Kelly Kapur)
Ryan Howard played by myself (influence : Napoleon Dynamite)

Kelly is facing away from the camera and talking on the phone as Karen enters her cubicle.

Kelly (on phone): I know, I can’t believe it either. They were so good together…

Karen: Kelly…

Kelly: Hey Karen. (Kelly spins around and is busily filing her nails) I thought you were talking to Jim in the breakroom.

Karen: I was, you will not believe what just happened…

Kelly: Oh my gosh! Did he just ask you to marry him?!?! I always thought you two made such a cute couple.

Karen: made?

Kelly: Whatever, You two remind me of “Ben-Jay”. That’s what I used to call Ben Affleck and J-Lo. They were so cute together, but I knew that would never last – not like you and Jim. Ben was so cute back then. (pauses to daydream, looks off into the sky, and lets out a sigh) So when is the date, I need to know so I can get a candy-apple red dress to wear. Something that’s strapless and shows off a lot of leg. Something sexy. Like what that Grey’s Anatomy girl would wear. When’s did you say the date was going to be?

Karen: There is no date – we just broke up.

Kelly: Oh no, you are not going to get all Britney are you? (pause followed by a loud inhale/gasp) You’re pregnant! (singing) You’re pregnant, your pregnant. I want to have a baby so bad. Not Jim’s baby, someone else’s. Maybe someone from corporate. I would love to have a little Ethiopian baby. Not a hungry one with the big tummy, but a normal sized one like Bradjolina have. Have you picked a name yet? I like the name Shia, or Ryan.

Karen: I’m not pregnant.

Kelly: He’s not “Cruising” is he? It would be weird to be married to a gay man. Poor Katie.

awkward silence

Karen: I think I’m going to go pack my desk.

Kelly: OK, b’bye.

Karen leaves and Kelly turns back around and leans over her desk and begins speaking to the phone...

Kelly: See? I told you it was over and she wasn’t pregnant.

Ryan: Fine, can I hang up now?

Jun 15th 2008

Karen: Before I left I wanted to say, you were the nicest person to me here. Well, you and Kev, but he always drooled whenever he talked to me.

Oscar: That’s an eating disorder, actually. He does it with everyone. There’s even a medical term–

Karen: Yikes. Like I was saying, I wanted to give you this. I don’t need it anymore.

hands him a small key

Oscar: What’s it for?

Karen (TALKING HEAD)
Josh gave me that key the day the Stamford branch closed. Turns out Robert Mifflin, besides being a clown school dropout and an avid cross-dresser, was also a paranoid lunatic. He ordered secret files be kept on all employees. Totally illegal but pretty cool if you have a copy of the key.

Karen: There’s one in every branch. Only the CEO is supposed to know about it.

One week later, Andy and Creed are gone too. Angela weeps quietly at her desk. Michael’s locked in his office. And as Jim and Pam watch nervously, Dwight polishes a Chinese throwing star.

Kelly (TALKING HEAD)
So it turns out Andy, totally broke. His parents are social workers or something pathetic like that. And who knew Angela was such a slut? That’s almost as many guys as me. I really feel bad for Michael, though. He talks about marriage and kids so much for someone who’s been divorced three times. I don’t believe that stuff about Creed and Dwight’s mom, though….OK, maybe it’s true.

Oscar: What key?

Jun 15th 2008

Jim: Last night we said a great many things. You said I should do the thinking for both of us. Well, I've done a lot of it since then, and it all adds up to one thing: you're getting on that plane to Utica where you belong.
Karen: But, Jim, no, I... I...
Jim: Now, you've got to listen to me! You have any idea what you'd have to look forward to if you stayed here?
Andy: I'm afraid I have to insist. There's only room for one of us in that glass elevator. I guess this makes you Violet Beauregarde.
Karen: What? You're only saying this to make me go.
Jim: I'm saying it because it's true. We both know I belong with Pam. She's part of my life, the thing that keeps me going. If that plane leaves the ground and you're not on it, I'll regret it. Maybe not today. Maybe not tomorrow, but soon and for the rest of my life.
Karen: But what about us?
Jim: We'll always have Stamford.
Karen: I said I would never leave you...
Jim: And I'm afraid you never will. Where I'm going, you can't follow. The restraining order says so. My life, you can't be any part of. Karen, I'm no good at being noble, but it doesn't take much to see that the problems of three little people don't amount to a hill of beans in this crazy world. Someday you'll understand. Now... Here's looking at you, kid.

Jun 15th 2008

Dwight is in kitchen preparing a snack of cream of beet soup. Karen enters.

Karen: Hey Dwight.

Dwight swings around only to find Karen all but pinning him against the countertop.

Dwight (suspiciously): How can I be of service to you?

Karen: Dwight, I was thinking. Ever since you saved Jim from Roy with that pepper spray, I’ve realized that there are boys who think they are men and then there are real men. Nothing turns me on more than a man that can handle himself in an emergency situation.

Dwight: Well, I was a volunteer sheriff’s deputy for quite sometime…

Karen: The way you go home every night and tend to your beets. I fantasize about you planting beets, harvesting beets, cleaning beets, peeling your beets. It must get quite hot out there and you probably take your shirt off.

Dwight: Actually, I never expose my skin to the sun. We Schrutes are born with very reflective epidermis. I once blinded my cousin Moses.

Karen (getting frustrated, so cutting to the chase): I just think you’re a fascinating creature. Let’s discuss Tolken over a glass of beet wine at your place tonight.

Dwight: I’m supposed to clip Moses’ toenails tonight.

Karen (seductively running her finger across Dwight’s jawline): Well, then we can skip the wine…

Dwight: Then why don’t we just discuss Tolken over the phone?

Karen (giving up): Ah! Forget it, Dwight! You are completely oblivious to seduction! Looks like I’m onto Plan B. Now, where’s Oscar?

Jun 15th 2008

Karen Fillipelli: Goodbye, Farewell, and Amen

As Karen packs up the last of her belongings, Jim sneaks back into the office to grab his jacket. However, he's not sneaky enough, and Karen turns to face him. Jim winces, ready for what's coming to him....

"I'm not mad at you anymore. In fact, I've been thinking of a little something to give you before you left" Karen says.

Jim looks shocked.

"She continues, "It's not much, but it comes from the heart."

Jim, still at a loss for words, just stares at her.

After a few awkward seconds, she sighs, "Not now. You'll know it when you see it. Well, there's my chopper. I'd better get going". With that, she heads for the roof.

"Chopper?" Jim wonders aloud.

On the roof, Dwight sits on a folding chair, playing his recorder. The fact that a helicopter is less than 50 feet from him seems to have no effect. As Karen emerges onto the roof, she makes eye contact with Dwight, and decides to say one last goodbye. ""Look, Dwight, I know it's tough for you to say good-bye, so I'll say it. Maybe we will see each other again. In any case, I want you to know how much you creep me out."

"Fair enough" Dwight countered. "Good luck at an inferior branch."

Karen enters the helicopter, but not before yelling, "Oh, and Dwight?"

"What is it, Karen?"

"Thanks for the help with the rocks."

Dwight goes back to playing on his recorder, and Karen and the chopper lift into the air. As the helicopter crosses the parking lot, Karen looks down on her handiwork and smiles. Below, she sees her final message to Jim spelled out in stones:

SUCK IT

Dwight's recorder song. I was going to play this on the recorder myself, but my whole family's here, and I'm not going to try to explain that. Just pretend it's a recorder.

Jun 15th 2008

Respect the Cobra

(7:30 AM: Karen tries to clear out her desk and disappear before anyone else arrives but is startled by an unexpected visitor.)

Karen: Dwight! What are you doing here so early?!

Dwight: I have several personal matters that I attend to before beginning my work day. For example, I just inspected the deer jerky that I'm drying in a heating vent. Why are YOU here so early?

Karen: Didn't you hear? That bastard Jim broke up with me AND turned down the job at corporate. I can't work here anymore, so I'm transferring to Utica.

Dwight: I knew that Jim would ruin a good thing. I’d never make such stupid decisions.

Karen: You know as well as anyone how immature, dishonest, and self-centered he can be!

Dwight: Don't forget undisciplined and lame!

Karen: Jim is nothing but an incompetent loser and useless human being!

Dwight: Well, some people think he’s funny and charming. And he’s a pretty good salesman when he applies himself.

Karen: How can you defend the man who’s made your life a living hell?!

Dwight: In the world of paper sales, I am Superman and Jim is Lex Luthor. Every hero needs a nemesis, and Jim is a worthy opponent. You could’ve been Lois Lane, but I guess you’ve worn out your welcome. Goodbye, Karen.

(Karen looks surprised and confused.)

Dwight (TH): Do I respect Jim? Only as much as the mongoose respects the cobra. Karen got bitten by the cobra… and by the mongoose.

Jun 15th 2008

Rejected, angry and heartbroken, Karen storms out of the breakroom. How could she have been so wrong? She had been certain Jim loved her.

She grabs her purse and heads for the door. As she passes reception, she can’t help but notice Pam sitting at her desk. She continues to the door but hesitates, turns around and glances at Pam again before quickly heading back to the breakroom.

Karen finds Jim, still catching his breath from their earlier argument.

Karen: Listen, Jim… I understand. It’s so clear to me now that I don’t know how I could have missed it before. You love me. I know you do. You don’t have to lose me now…

Jim: (clearly exasperated) Karen, I told you. I can’t be with you anymore…

Karen: But you can! Look, I know about Pam. She’s hot. Of course you’re infatuated with her. But what we have is special! And what we could have with Pam could be special, too!

Jim: What are you…?

Karen: You know what I’m saying. You can have both. You can love me and we can both love Pam. Together.

Jim stares at Karen, stunned. Karen is struck by the realization that once again, she’s mistaken. Mortified, she races out of the office. This time, no glance towards reception. The thought of having to face both of them in the morning is too much for her so she comes in early and packs up her desk, never to return to Scranton.

  1.  
1 to 23 of 23
Top of PageBack to discussions