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Your Teeth Called and your Breath Stinks: Boom. Roasted.
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Feb 13th 2009

I think we need our own roast. Anything goes in a roast( not really), take me down(please be kind), make fun of anything about me(almost). You can roast the show, each other, family, roommates. But in a respectful way, at least if it is about someone who will read it later. Go for it. Let off some steam.

Feb 13th 2009 edited

We really already have a roast thread. One is the Canadian thread. All of them roast your mom. But, way to step up, 3P.

Feb 13th 2009

Nice work, Madge.

Feb 13th 2009

Nice thread.

I have always wondered why "your mom" jokes are so funny, but "your dad" jokes might not be as funny. I could definitely go for some "your dad" roasting. That would be funny. You can roast my dad, if you want. Or toast him, since he's usually toasted.

Boom, I roasted my dad. I think.

Feb 13th 2009

I could definitely go for some "your dad" roasting.

Okay. Your dad is the town drunk... and he lives in Chicago.

Feb 13th 2009

Your dad is so blind, he had sex with your mom. Double Whammy!

Feb 14th 2009

Your dad is so dumb, he thinks Cheerios are doughnut seeds.

Feb 14th 2009

Yo momma so fat she sat on a rainbow and Skittles fell out

Feb 14th 2009

Yo mama's got such hairy armpits, it looks like she's got Buckwheat in a headlock.

Feb 14th 2009

Yo mama's so fat, when she sat on a quarter she squeezed a booger out of George Washington's nose.

Feb 14th 2009

Yo mama's so fat, she broke her leg and gravy came out.

Feb 14th 2009

Yo mama's so stupid, she still can't believe it's not butter

Mar 3rd 2009

Yo daddy's the town drunk... and he lives in Chicago.

Mar 3rd 2009

Yo daddy's not yo daddy.

Mar 3rd 2009

I'm not sure this is the best direction in which to go.

And I strongly advise people to leave my father alone.

Mar 4th 2009

And I strongly advise people to leave my father alone.

No one is talking about your father. And for someone who gleefully joined in on all the mother jokes, who are you to tell us what topics we can broach?

Feb 10th 2011

This is a hilarious idea for a thread.

At the same time, it is an excellent example for those who argue that maybe we've gotten a little out of hand with unnecessary thread ideas.

Feb 10th 2011

Eh, I don't mind all the threads. We do a pretty good job of remembering where stuff is. Not every thread can get high ratings, Daoust. Us Office fans should understand that.

Feb 10th 2011

I couldn't figure out where to put this, but it seemed like a roast so...please direct me to the proper thread if this doesn't fit.

ALERTS TO TERROR THREATS IN 2011 EUROPE

By John Cleese

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats and have therefore raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross."

The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out.

Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.

The Scots have raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get the Bastards." They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France 's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.

Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."

The Germans have increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbor" and "Lose."

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish n avy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to "She'll be alright, Mate." Two more escalation levels remain: "Crikey! I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!" and "The barbie is canceled." So far no situation has ever warranted use of the final escalation level.

John Cleese - British writer, actor and tall person

Feb 10th 2011

Hey! Where's the bit where he pokes fun at the US? Did he forget to write it? Should we fill it in folks?

Feb 10th 2011

I'll give it a go (in my best John Cleese voice):

The Yanks have decided to scrap their colour coded terror alerts on the grounds that they are discriminatory toward a minority - the colourblind. Instead, they will rely on having all those who use public transportation to be viewed naked by security personnel prior to boarding. Those who refuse will be felt up by other (even more professional) security personnel, wearing rubber gloves.

Feb 12th 2011

This thread was cool, I hope it doesn't get buried again.

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