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[Closed] SUMMER 09 CONTEST WEEK #1: DO YOU HAVE A SCRIPT FOR THE SKETCH? NOPE, I THINK WE'LL JUST WING IT
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Jun 1st 2009 edited

Welcome, everyone (including the disabled), to the first prompt of the summer. The first prompt has been provided by our very own lemonade. As they say in your language, muchas gracias, lem!

PROMPT

We all know how awkwardly delicious Michael and Holly's sketch at the company picnic was but I bet there were a bunch of other ways their sketch could have gone. For this prompt, come up with a Dunder Mifflin history sketch that Michael and Holly could perform at the company picnic. Feel free to include relevant stage cues and such. It doesn't necessarily have to turn out with Michael accidentally leaking that Buffalo was closing. It can have any turn out you want, whether it be the Buffalo closing thing or something else. Be creative.

Restrictions

  • The word limit is 250 words
  • Audio/Visual alternative: You may submit an mp3 (or n3p) recording or youtube clip of yourself and others you may recruit acting out your scene. You'd still have to submit the scene written out, but to encourage folks to make the extra effort and really bring the creative, the word limit for this option is 400 words, a 60% increase (clarified for clarity). See rules for instructions on posting mp3's (and n3p's) and Youtube clips that were posted in the general contest thread.

Judging criteria:

Responses are to be evaluated on the following:

1) Overall impact
2) True to characters
3) Appropriate to challenge prompt
4) Creativity

Reminders

  • Deadline for submitting entry #1 is 10 pm EST on Sunday, June 7.
  • Voting for challenge #1 begins Monday, June 8.
  • This thread is for challenge topic and entries only; please go to the general contest thread for questions/discussion.
  • No editing allowed on entries once submitted. Double-check your entry in the general contest thread before posting it in this thread.
  • Please review contest description for other details.
Jun 1st 2009

Michael and Holly Killed!

Michael and Holly enter singing “Suicide Is Painless.” Michael, only knowing the first three words, hums until Holly stops him.

Michael then mimes shooting himself, and falls over.

Holly: Get up . . . Tom.

Michael: Where am I?

Holly: This is Dunder-Mifflin, Heaven branch. Where we go when we die. I’m Robert Mifflin.

Michael: Really? The cofounder who killed himself because of crippling depression?

Holly: Yes, Tom. You’re just in time. We need accountants.

The crowd is confused. The Scranton branch is amazed.

Michael: So there was a reason for my suicide? Besides depression?

Holly: Yes. We also have Ed Truck’s head as Regional Manager. Ryan is the VP.

Michael: Ryan? But he only committed career suicide! Boom! Roasted.

The crowd is silent.

Dwight TH: I, for one, find nothing funny about putting this company in jeopardy.

Holly: We have an opening in HR.

Michael: I hope Toby dies next. Kidding. Only kidding. Creed’s obviously dying next.

Creed nods. The crowd remains silent.

Holly: Michael, I think we--

Michael: No. We’re not done yet. Because something else is in Heaven, Holly.

Pam: Oh no.

Michael: Our love. Your transfer killed it. (tearing up) And I want to bring it back to life. Like Brendan Frasier. Be my Mummy, Holly!

Holly: Michael, I . . . I can’t.

Holly exits. Michael surveys the audience.

Michael: Buffalo’s closing.

Jun 2nd 2009

So You Think You Can Sell Office Supplies

Holly's Voice Over Intro: Welcome The Season Premiere of So You Think You Can Sell Office Supplies. Contestants are scouted from across America as potential Office Supply salesmen for this competition.

Holly: “Hello I'm Cat Deely, Headquartering his business in Naperville, welcome Cleveland Ohio’s Michael Feuer.”

Michael, runs up on stage and holds up a score card of white poster board listing hastily scribbled info on Michael Feuer.

Holly: “Basing his company in Framingham and his first store in Brighton, Massachusetts, welcome Thomas G. Stemberg.”

Michael now holds up poster board with info about Stemberg.

Holly: “Strategically placing his company dangerously close to competition and stupidly forfeiting his client list to Secret Agent Scarn, Roger Prince Sr.”

Michael’s poster board now says "Roger Prince Sr." with "sucker" written on it, crossed out and replaced with “Nice To A Vault”.

Holly: “And basing their company out of New York, the team contestants Robert Dunder and Robert Mifflin.”

Back on stage Michael wears his papier-mâché head, playing dual roles. The card now says Roberts Dunder and Mifflin, collectively, like tourney pools, and Mifflin likes guns and hates life.

Holly: “Contestants, what are your long-term goals?”

Michael:

As Mifflin: "Define long-term."

As Stemberg: “Not merging with Office Depot.”

As Feure: “Taking K-Mart's sloppy seconds.”

As Prince: “I think I might like to fix cars.”

And As Dunder: “Maintaining fourth place, shutting down some branches in the 2000’s, and losing our best branch manager due to idiocy. Then maybe a merger.”

Jun 3rd 2009

Do The Right Thing…Or Not

[Holly & Michael, in unison]: Wellll, this is a story all about how Dunder-Mifflin stuh-arted out…

Michael, sotto voce: Fresh Prince of Bel-Air.

Holly: Okay, DMers, get your Cross Colors on and get ready toooo…

[Holly & Michael, in unison]: JUMP, JUMP! Uh-huh, JUMP, JUMP! The Holly Mike’ll make ya…JUMP, JUMP!

Michael: And we’re “jumping” back in time to peep the fizz-acts about how Dunder and Mifflin put the pimp into paper. Fresh Princess Holly, take the mic! …Pun.

Holly: Okay, DJ Jazzy Scott, here we go. Kick it!

[Holly & Michael, in unison]: It takes two to sell paper right, it takes two to make it dyno-mite! Dunder and Mifflin rocked da house, but then Mifflin…then he…[they trail off, looking at each other for an idea]

Michael: We all know that Mifflin grabbed his piece and capped his ass, let’s keep it rizzeal!

[Audience looks around, completely shocked and befuddled. Holly clears her throat and motions for Michael to move on.]

Michael: Speaking of keeping it rizzeal, Holly and I want to pour some of our drizzinks out for our homies in the Buffalo branch who are gonna be broke as a joke, yo. That branch is clizzzzzzosed, fo sho!

[Shocked silence from the crowd, the Buffalo RM suddenly turns to Michael, eyes ablaze.]

Buffalo RM: No way, Scott! I’m gonna bust a cap in YOUR ass!

[Michael and Holly run off stage, Buffalo RM gives chase]

David Wallace: Okay, anyone else know the Fresh Prince theme song?

Jun 4th 2009

Terminator: Rise of the Paper Companies

Michael: The 600 cyberdyne series had recycled paper. We spotted them easy, but these are new. They look real... post-consumer content, card stock, everything. Very hard to spot.

Holly: Look... I’m not stupid. They cannot make paper like that yet.

Michael: Not yet. Not for about 40 years.

Holly: So it's from the future?

Michael: One possible future. A future...we'll never have now. Not like the future you're planning...with your new house...and boyfriend.

Holly: Umm...ok...(quickly changing the topic) So now you've come from the future to warn me about the Staples Terminator!

Michael: There was a paper war. A few years from now, all this, this whole place, everything, it's gone. Just gone. Buffalo will be gone sooner than that.

Holly: What does the terminator do?

Michael: Crush your enemies, see them driven before you, hear the lamentation of their women.

Jim [from the crowd]: Umm...that's from Conan the Barbarian.

Holly: What can we do?

Michael: It can't be bargained with. It can't be reasoned with. It doesn't feel pity, or remorse, or fear. And I absolutely will not stop, ever, until you are mine.

Holly [lowered voice]: Is this about me?

Michael: You still don't get it, do you? I'll find you! That's what I do! It's all I do! You can't stop me! I'll wait for you! I'll reach down your throat and tear your heart out!

[Holly runs off]

Michael [stares blankly]: Cut me, Mick.

Jim: Yeah, that's not even Arnold.

Jun 4th 2009

The Future Is Just History That Hasn't Happened Yet

Michael and Holly approach each other from opposite ends of the stage.

Holly: Hello, I'm Haley, a time traveler from 2109. Who are you?

Michael reaches for his gun.

Holly shakes her head no.

Michael: I'm Mickey Scott, a... another time traveler from 2109.

Holly: Aren't you the great-grandson of Michael Scott and... Teri Hatcher?

Michael: Yes, and you must be the great-granddaughter of Holly Flax and... A.J. Holly was the best HR rep in Dunder Mifflin history. She... (Michael looks around.) stopped an alien invasion when she discovered the evil alien leader had taken over the body of Toby Flenderson, and terminated him. Hasta la vista, Toby!

Holly: Yes, and Michael was the best regional manager in Dunder Mifflin history. After the Toby... incident, contact was made with some other aliens. These aliens were peaceful, and came from a paperless planet. Michael negotiated with them the biggest business deal in history, which made Dunder Mifflin the exclusive paper product provider for their entire planet.

Michael: Yes, and that allowed Dunder Mifflin to open many branches worldwide, and even reopen the Buffalo branch, which was closed in 2009.

The crowd complains loudly.

Holly: Oh no... you guys didn't know?

David: Michael, Holly, we need to talk.

Michael: Uh, I think maybe it's time we went back to 2109, and...

Holly: ...Had a drink to celebrate the memory of our great-grandparents.

They disappear in a flash of light and smoke.

Michael and Holly walk out of the wooded area carrying chairs.

Jun 6th 2009

Michael: Dunder Mifflinites! How are those buffalo wings? Hey Buffalo – you like those wings? Well, eat up while you can!

Audience is puzzled.

Michael: Hello! I am Robert Dunder…

Holly: And I am Robert Mifflin…

Michael: … before he sank into a bitter depression and killed himself, and we are manufacturers of steel brackets!

Michael eagerly awaits a reaction from the crowd which does not occur.

Holly: Well, we were in the steel bracket racket, as it were (smiles) until that fateful day…

Michael: Ah, yes, Robert, I remember it well…

Holly: When I asked you to order 20 tons of steel from Hammer’s mill…

Michael: And I heard “order 20 tons from Hammermill”…

Holly: Which was the largest paper manufacturer in the US at the time…

Michael: And the trucks with non-refundable cargo pulled up, carrying our destinies.

Holly, to Michael, smiles: Well put!

Michael beams.

Holly: At that moment we had a choice: do we continue providing America with vital components to build their dream houses, schools and workplaces, or become middlemen in the paper industry?

Michael smiles uncomfortably: We went with the paper.

Holly: So here today to share his own thoughts about that pivotal day is the real Robert Dunder!

Scattered light applause.

Robert: Thank you! I normally play duplicate bridge on Fridays but George said he would partner with Merton today. That George, he said I should take the 307 to the Moltke exit to get here, but Fred said, wait, was it Eugene?…

Jun 7th 2009

Michael: And now, a brief modern history of Dunder Mifflin Scranton, in four acts

shuffling

Holly: Scott!!! Get in here!

Michael: Yes, Mr. Truck?

Holly: Your sales are up 19 percent, and my wife’s loving the gift baskets.

Michael: Thank you, Mr. Truck.

Holly: But Lapin in sales says you groped her. Again. Next time, you’re fired.

awkward silence

Michael: So James, says here you were once Foot Locker’s Salesman of the Month. I’ve quite a few plaques like that myself.

Holly: smirking blatantly to the audience That’s…impressive.

Michael: running around as if to come up behind Holly Mr. Scott, before you hire this cretin you should know he lollygagged at reception when he arrived and all my pens and pencils have since been replaced with crayons.

Holly: smirking more

shuffling

Michael: I’m in love with you.

Holly: But I’m engaged!

Michael: I’m, uh, above you. I mean, I had fun with youuuuuu…Utah! Skiing! You should go.

Holly: But you said—

Michael: Gotta go. Transferring to Stamford.

Holly: I’d better call mom.

awkwarder silence

Holly: Did I stutter?!?

Michael: Respect me!

Holly: I apologize.

Stanley grumbles, sips an umbrella drink

Michael: Could we get a Delorean?

Holly: No, let’s do your branch’s history in four acts.

Michael: Good idea. You know you’re as smart as you are pretty.

Holly: Heyyyy, are you flirting?

Michael: That depends. Yes.

Holly: Is a fling wrong if it's only once a year?

Michael: Ain’t no fling like a Scranton fling.

Holly: Huh?

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