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Welcome, everyone, to the highly anticipated Week 2 of the Contest! Thanks to everyone who participated in the highly celebrated Week 1 of the Contest! Our shiny prompt for this week has been provided by Summer Contest All-Star, garbagethrower. Our thanks to you in well, gt!
Prompt
I’m big on making lists. To do lists, to buy lists, goal lists… if it’s not written on paper and placed in a strategic location there’s a good chance of it not getting done. Rumor has is that some Officemates are list-makers, too. Your challenge this week is to write a list as an Office character. Length: ten bulleted items (not necessarily ten words, although that would be an acceptable minimalist approach.) Submit any type of list that you conceive your character likely to write. Hints to some other list types: Letterman’s, a 1999 movie title with the late Heath Ledger, and a Paul Simon song (ok that was a 50 item list.) Be creative.
Restriction
*The word limit is 250 words.
Judging criteria:
Responses are to be evaluated on the following:
1) Overall impact
2) True to characters
3) Appropriate to challenge prompt
4) Creativity
Reminders
Jim's Top Ten Pranks to play on Dwight
BE SURE TO GO TO TARGET AFTER WORK
Kevin’s Ten Actresses Hotter Than Hilary Swank From: Kevin Malone (kmalone@dmiflin.org) Sent: Thursday January 22, 2009 To: Jim Halpert (jhalpert@dmiflin.org)
Jim, despite what Michael said there is no way that Hilary Swank is hot. In fact I can think of ten actresses with red hair hotter than Hilary Swank. I don’t know their names so I’ll describe their movies to you.
Kelly Kapoor’s So Awesome Top 10 Nordstrom Wish List
The cutest panties EVER – Juicy on the panties is totally awesome!
The cutest sundress EVER – and kinda looks like one of my mom’s saris, but not so old. Ew!
The sexiest dress EVER – Ryan Howard, you wouldn’t know what hit you if you saw me in this!
The most perfect handbag EVER – for daytime. Spring daytime. Love the lavender!!
The most amazing gladiator sandals EVER – sooo trendy right now! Must get a pair!
The hottest stilettos EVER – would be too cute with that sexy dress! OMG…on sale!
The yummiest perfume EVER – and the bottle is pink and crystal and so fabulous!
Top 10 Screenplay Ideas
Property of Michael Scott
PRIVATE AND CONFIDENTIAL!!!
Dwight, this means you!
Holly, you and I are soulmates.
I’m hotter than A.J
I started my own paper company
I wrote an awesome screenplay
I’m better looking than A.J
I can protect you. I beat up Dwight.
I can beat up A.J
I like your boobs
I have a very symmetrical face.
I miss you everyday.
My Top 10 Preferred Jeopardy Categories
by
Dwight K. Schrute
Famous Love Triangles in History
Purple Root Vegetables
Advance Weaponry Using Everyday Household Items
Famous Seconds-in-Command in History
Famous Thirds-in-Command in History
Alternative Forms of Nourishment During Famine
How to Alienate Everyone and Influence No One
Successful Bunker Living
Urine
Off-the-Beaten-Path Workspaces
Jim and Pam's Top Ten Potential Baby Names:
New Band Names By Kevin Malone
From The Desk of Creed Bratton
Grocery List
Monkey,
Here is the list we discussed. I look forward to renewing our "rendezvous."
Possum
Baby Shower Gift for Jim and Pam: Follow these ten suggestions so your offspring will not be spoiled or stupid.
by Dwight K. Schrute
Breastfeed until age 4 minimum. My mother’s badges of honor are her breasts which now hang regally to her waist.
No commercial baby food. Would Alexander the Great spoonfeed his son Gerber? Please. Finely chopped beef liver and pre-chewed venison are excellent choices.
Foster independence. A wilderness solo outing by age 5 is appropriate.
Read to your infant daily. It’s never too early to introduce the great works of Heinlein and Tolkien.
Avoiding crowds in the first months is unnecessary. It’s a world full of disease. The earlier the child understands this, the better.
Burping a baby – also unnecessary. It’s not rocket science, for heaven’s sake. Let the little bugger figure out some things on his own.
Excessive crying is not to be tolerated. You see all the whiney, slacker teenagers these days? Their parents obviously never heard of earplugs.
Fresh air is essential. Place the child at the window of a speeding car as often as possible.
Circumcision is a personal decision. But no need for a doctor. From the time I was born it was clear that I must take care of my own penis.
Lastly, never swaddle. What will the infant do when confronted by an enemy?
Toby Flenderson's
Things To Do Before I Am 30
(as completed for Mrs. Pretty's First Grade class)
Get a good job.
Get married.
Have 3 kids.
Buy a house.
Visit China.
10. The new Yankee Stadium (on opening day). A disappointment in more ways than one, but YMMV.
9. World's Largest Shoe in Hallam
8. The Wonder Wheel at Coney Island
7. The Statue of Liberty's crown. Technically it's not going to reopen to the public until July 4, but like that guy said, "[T]he brick walls are there to stop the people who don't want it badly enough."
6. Royal Victorian Manor in Woodstock, Illinois
5. Lackawanna Coal Mine. Go during the week and slip the tour guide $20 to get the mine all to yourselves.
4. Star Trek: The Experience in Las Vegas. Everyone said we had to go here when we told them our honeymoon was in Vegas. Quite the experience, although the Star Trek stuff was boring.
3. ZERO-G flight, also in Vegas. The weightlessness only lasts 25 seconds at a time, so plan accordingly.
2. Blackwell Island Lighthouse. This lighthouse is decommissioned, which was convenient since otherwise it would've been blindingly bright, unbearably hot, and it would've created a silhouette of us across the night sky.
1. Some house here in town. We have a realtor friend who sometimes lets us stay in unoccupied houses. We just threw caution to the wind here all weekend long. At one point, I almost went through the living room wall. We bought a clown painting to conceal the damage. Before putting it up, I carved "Easy Rider was here" on the wall underneath. Overall, an amazing and unforgettable experience.
www.creedthoughts.gov.www\creedthoughts
June 8, 2009 weekly agenda
Meet the new sales girl Michael brought from his old pancake company.
Ask the IT guy to stop all 2,003 word updates my website keeps trying to add to the dictionary.
Check on the aging cheese in my briefcase.
Post the picture I took of the sexy, one-armed woman I spotted at Joann Fabrics the other day.
Tell Marybeth how mad I was when driving behind her on the highway today. She had those damn orange blinkers on the whole time and had a flat tire but kept driving so slowly!
Find out the name of Debbie Brown's replacement, as a precaution. I took a two week vacation recently and didn’t tell anyone I was leaving.
Tell Bob I want a refund for the mini-fridge since my house only has 2-prong electrical AC outlets.
Ask Andrea to refill her desk drawer supply of AA batteries and wet wipes for the restroom.
Get the ingredients for "Creed's Ultimate sandwich" to eat at home tonight: blackened toast topped with soy mayonaise, uncooked ham, green peas, sardines, briefcase cheese, fatty beef steak with tendons, blackened bread and slathered in my famous sauce--leftover tuna juice aged for 2 years. Freeze, then eat!
Replace the men's restroom sign with the non-racial one I took from soup kitchen; they really have great soup!
Dear Diary,
I haven’t given up on turning my dream business “Shoe La La” into a reality, but in the mean time here are some other company ideas I’ve been thinking about:
House of Cards - Magic Shop/Greeting Card Store - slogan: "The competition will never knock us down."
Meat 'N Greet - Steakhouse and Singles Club for men who are tired of the usual dating game.
Two Turntables and a Mobile Home - Traveling DJ available to be hired for office picnics, wedding receptions, and other outdoor events.
Bad Doggie - Combination pet obedience school and dry cleaner.
Lord Rupert Everton's Specialty Tie Shoppe - Need I say more?
Gum Drop Farms - Families can come pick their own fresh candy and learn about the process of how it's grown.
The Photo Shop - Bring in your personal photographs and we will customize them to make it look like you are posing with celebrities or having a vacation that wasn‘t lame.
Jamaican Me Hungry - Catering business specializing in Caribbean food. It's all-inclusive!
Je Ne Sais Spa - An extra classy health club and resort that has a certain quality I just can't describe.
Uncle Mikey's Happy Fun 24-Hour Daycare - The perfect childcare solution for today‘s busy parents - slogan: “All we think about is watching your kids.”
Mose, here goes the list of chores for you to do while I am out at the BSG convention.