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[Closed] SUMMER 09 CONTEST WEEK 5: THE “BEERS IN HEAVEN” MEMORIAL PROMPT
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Jun 29th 2009 edited

Welcome, all, to Week Number Five! Thanks to everyone for entering and voting last week. Gold yogurt lid champion Anque has stepped up again and suggested this week’s prompt.

Prompt

As we all know, Jim and Pam are getting hitched. As we also all know, everyone loves Weird Al and parody songs of all kinds. As such, please write your very own parody song (from the perspective of an Office character), in honor of Jim and Pam, to be performed at their wedding. That’s it. If you would like some parody samples, however, please view last year’s similar prompt.

Thoughts

As always, be creative.
There is no word limit for this prompt, but be realistic.
Including the title of the original song and which character wrote the parody is suggested. Regarding song choice, parodies work best for the audience if they are very familiar with the song.

Format

Though all entries must be written and posted, feel free to record your parody and post it as a link at the end of your entry.

Judging Criteria

  1. Overall impact
  2. True to characters
  3. Appropriate to challenge prompt
  4. Creativity

Reminders

  • Deadline for submitting entry #5 is 10 pm EST on Sunday, July 5.
  • Voting for challenge #4 begins Monday, June 29.
  • This thread is for challenge topic and entries only; please go to the general contest thread for questions/discussion.
  • No editing allowed on entries once submitted. Double-check your entry in the general contest thread before posting it in this thread.
  • Please review contest description for other details.
Jun 29th 2009

“Your Wedding Tonight” – written by Michael
a parody of "Wonderful Tonight" original lyrics

It’s the day of your wedding
Pam knows what dress to wear
She needs no makeup,
But should wear her hair down

And then Pam asks me, “Should I marry Jim?”
And I say, “Yes, if not me, then him.”

I go to their wedding,
And everyone turns to see,
Our former receptionist
About to marry Halpert

And later she asks me, “Do you feel like dancing?”
And I say, “Yes, I would love to have this dance.”

I feel wonderful
Because I’m about to have this dance with Pam
But I feel a little sad
Because you just can’t compare to Holly

Then the wedding is over,
and as I say goodbye,
I try not to think of
Jim helping Pam into bed

I’m sure that he’ll tell her, as he turns out the light
He’ll say, “My Pamela, you were wonderful tonight.
Oh my Pamela, you were wonderful tonight.”

Jun 29th 2009

At Jim and Pam’s wedding, Dwight takes the stage and addresses the crowd:

Attention, everyone. As Jim’s mentor and role model, I tried to discourage this wedding. However, now they have gone through with it, even though the ceremony was not performed in proper High German. So it’s up to me to instruct Jim on how he needs to dominate his new bride and show her who is the man. I will attempt to soften my message by lecturing him in song, interspersed with random office musings.

(to the band): Can you play King of Pain by The Police?

There's a little black spot on Kevin’s neck
It’s the same old thing as this wedding train wreck
There's a cat poster trapped on a cubicle wall
There's Michael fallen in a bathroom stall

I have stood here before in my Sith Lord dress
And watched Pam control you, she had PMS
I guess I'm always hoping that you'll end this sham
But it's your destiny to be the king of Pam

There’s an oven mitt wrapped for Yankee swap
(That's my soul up there)
There’s Meredith, and she’s lost her top
(That's my soul up there)
There's Jim suffering from a vampire’s bite
(That's my soul up there)
There's Michael cheating in a dojo fight
(That's my soul up there)

I have stood here before inside my work space
With the world turning circles running the Rabies 5K race
I guess I'm always hoping that you'll end this sham
But it's your destiny to be the king of Pam

There's Creed eating my Christmas Goose
(That's my soul up there)
My God Phyliss weighs more than a moose
(That's my soul up there)
There's Andy dating an accountant slut
(That's my soul up there)
There's Oscar trapped in a gay man’s butt
(That's my soul up there)

I have stood here before and called your relationship fake
I’m faster than a mongoose but not a snake
I guess I'm always hoping that you'll end this sham
But it's your destiny to be the king of Pam

There's Kevin on the throne with his insides turned out
There's an accountant looking for a shadow of doubt
There's Kelly going on a shopping spree
There's Toby and Pam with his hand firmly on her knee

King of Pam

There's a burnt pita smoking and charred with soot
There's my boss laid up with a bloody stump of a foot
There's a little black bear in Mose’s bed
It’s the same old thing, that’s what she said

You have knelt in a gas station in the pouring rain
The thought of you two is destroying my brain
I guess I'm always hoping that you'll end this sham
But it's Jim’s destiny to be the king of Pam

King of Pam
You’ll always be king of Pam
Jim will always be king of Pam

Jun 29th 2009

“FILLIPELLI!”

to the tune of “Wooly Bully”

Michael comes to the stage, grinning. Whenever he hits the chorus, he leans into Jim and Pam’s faces and screams the words.

Ok, everybody, you know the words! Sing along if you want to!

Uno, dos, dos, two, tres, quatro

Jimmy told Karen about a chick he liked . . . Pam!
Karen freaked out until Jim said “Psyche!”

Fillipelli! Fillipelli!
Fillipelli! Fillipelli! Fillipelli!

Jimmy told Pammy “Let’s don’t take no chance.
You’re the girl for me—you wear skirts, not pants!”

Fillipelli! Fillipelli!
Fillipelli! Fillipelli! Fillipelli!

Jimmy ditched Karen, said “don’t be blue.
But when Pam and I get married,
Michael’s bringing you!”

Karen smiles and waves at the happy, uncomfortable couple.

Fillipelli! Fillipelli!
Fillipelli! Fillipelli! Fillipelli!

Jun 29th 2009

At the Dunder Miflin (As sung by Andy Bernard with cell phone back up by Here Comes Treble

His name was Tuna, he was a salesman

A hippy with surfers hair Or a guy from the ware(house)

Her name was Pamela she had a delima

and while Roy resorts to brawls, Tuna always made sales calls.

Across a crowded floor, they worked from 8 till 4

They were young and they had each other

Who could ask for more?

At the Dunder (DM!), Dunder Miflin (Dunder Miflin)

The hottest spot in PA. Scranton (here)

At the Dunder (DM!), Dunder Miflin

Paper and Station(ary) bring in the money.

At the Dunder....they fell in love

(Dunder Miflin)

Her name was Karen, she wore a pantsuit

She came from Stamford to work here, she had worked with Tuna there

But then there is Pamela, she was his first love

But Tuna went a bit too far, Royal marched in from his car

And then the pepper pray flew and chairs were smashed in two

There was pepper and a single spray

But just who sprayed who?

At the Dunder (DM!), Dunder Miflin (Dunder Miflin)

The hottest spot in PA. Scranton (here)

At the Dunder (DM!), Dunder Miflin

Paper and Station(ary) brought in the money.

At the Dunder....they fell in love

(Dunder. . Dunder Miflin)

(Dunder. . Dunder Miflin) (Dunder Miflin, nah nah nah nah)

(nah nah nah nah Dunder Miflin)

(Talking Scranton have an Awesome Blossom)

(Paper and Station(ary) brought in the money.

His name is Dwight Shrutte, he was their hero

But that was a couple years ago, before Pam gave Jim a go,

And now it's babies, for Pam and Tuna

In that white dress she gets to wear, with the waist stretched out to there

She sits there so refined, but she can’t drink any wine

She flunked that class and she quit her job

But she's got her Tuna!

At the Dunder (DA!), Dunder Miflin (Dunder Miflin)

The hottest spot in north Scranton (here)

At the Dunder (DA!), Dunder Miflin

(Paper and Station(ary) brought in the money.)

At the Dunder....they fall in love

(Dunder) they fall in love

Dunder Miflin

Dunder Miflin

Jun 30th 2009

SAY LEVEE
As performed by Scrantonicity II at Jim and Pam's Wedding Reception

It was the big JAM wedding. Scrantonicity is the band
Who is playing this reception of the wedding of Jim and Pam
We play some Police and we play some other songs as well
“Say Levee” says Michael, he doesn’t know his French that well.

The lovebirds work at Dunder-Mifflin, pushing paper sales
Pam once worked in reception taking calls and opening mail.
But then she got promoted, and that ex-secretary sure can sell
“Say Levee” says Michael, he doesn’t know his French that well.

Jim had loved her for years, but he was too chicken to say
And he wasn’t too smooth, then she almost slipped away.
Pam broke up with Roy, and then Jim and her started to gel.
“Say Levee” says Michael, he doesn’t know his French that well.

Now they’re together, and everything worked out as planned.
They had a kickass wedding, and an even more kickass band.
Tomorrow we play at Poor Richards, we have some tickets to sell.
“Say Levee” says Michael, he doesn’t know his French that well.

It was the big JAM wedding and Scrantonicity is the band
Who is playing this reception of the wedding of Jim and Pam
We play some Police and we play some other songs as well
Say Levee” says Michael, he doesn’t know his French that well.

(For original, search Youtube for You Never Can Tell by Chuck Berry, if you already don't know the song I'm parodying.)

Jul 1st 2009

Phyllis meekly takes the stage at the reception and quietly asks the band if they know a certain song. After an instantly recognizable drum cadence she begins to sing to the tune of Paul Simon’s 50 Ways to Leave your Lover.

Today we witnessed Jim and Pam declare “I do”
I have some wisdom to impart to both of you
No marriage nuts and bolts but more about the screw
There must be 50 ways to please your lover

And while it’s really not my habit to intrude
The marriage bed is sacred but no fun if you’re a prude
If down the line you often hear “not in the mood”
There must be fifty ways to please your lover
There’s so much I need to cover

You just whip out the oil, Doyle
Take it outside, Clyde
Try a new toy, Roy
Like Bob and Me
Love on the bus, Gus
Leave the driving to us!
Act out a fantasy
Like Bob and me

Two in a stall, Paul
Fit to be tied, Clyde?
Whipped cream fun, hon!
Like Bob and me
Handcuff her tight, Dwight
She’ll be feelin’ all right!
Just don’t lose the key, Lee
Like Bob and Me

Pam, I don’t want to pry or cause a blushing bride
But did you know they make a swing for play inside?
Not that we’re swingers but we give ours quite a ride
There must be 50 ways to please your lover

The Kama Sutra is a book I’d recommend
Some of the poses might be hard to comprehend
But if you’re willing you might get it in the end
There must be 50 ways to please your lover
Things you never learned from Mother

You just whip out the oil, Doyle
Take it outside, Clyde
Try a new toy, Roy
Like Bob and Me
Love on the bus, Gus
Leave the driving to us!
Act out a fantasy
Like Bob and me.

Tease with a feather, Heather
Dress up and cheer, dear
Leather and lace, Grace
Like Bob and me
Star in a flick, Rick
But you’d better erase quick!
Or land on the web, Deb
Like Bob and me

Jul 1st 2009

Toby shuffles up to the stage and whispers to the guitarist. He nods, and Toby steps up to the mic. “Okay, well, I um, just wanted to sing a little song for the bride. So, yeah, um, here goes.” The familiar strains of William Joel’s Uptown Girl start to play.

Scranton girl
She tried living in a New York world
You know she never had an HR guy
I bet her mama never told her why

I thought I’d try for an Scranton girl
She’s been living in her artsy world
As long as anyone with sketchbooks can
And now she’s marrying a paper sales man
Not what I am

And when she wakes up
She’s Jim’s glowing bride
And when I wake up
I wish that she were mine

I wish I were that I were tough
All because
I’m in love with an Scranton girl
You know I’ve seen her in reception world
She got rid of her old fiancee Roy
Now she’s marrying her salesman boy
She’s made her choice

Scranton girl
You know I can’t afford to buy her art
But maybe someday when my ship comes in
She’ll understand what kind of guy I’ve been
And then I’ll win

And when she’s walking
She’s looking so fine
And when she’s talking
She’ll say that she’s mine

She’ll say I’m worth the chance
All because
I’m in love
With a Scranton girl
She’s been living in her salesman’s world
As long as anyone with a hot ass can
I hope she’s looking for an HR man
That’s what I am

Scranton girl
She’s my Scranton girl
You know I’m in love
With an Scranton girl

Jul 3rd 2009

Forced to moonlight to pay his rent, Andy Bernard is the new lead singer for bar band Scrantonicity III, Kevin Malone's latest musical venture. In a fit of melancholy, Andy changes up the words to their encore song, Message in a Bottle, one night at Poor Richard's.

Just a Cornell grad
A preppie lost in P.A.
Another lonely day
Cuz' no chicks here dig me
More loneliness
Than any man should bear
It's Ang's fault I've fallen into such despair

I'd pay some cold hard cash for a girl
I'd buy a mail-order bride to be my girl
I hope someday to land a [3x]
prettier than average girl. [2x]

A year has passed since my trust fund ran out
But I shouldn't have trusted Madoff from the start
Now only paper sales can keep me in shelter
"Don't be a loser all your life!"
Dad sure is a mean old fart.

I'd send an SMS to the world
If I could pay my cell phone bill
I hope to someday get back [x3]
to living off my family name [x2]

Walked out this morning
Don't believe what I saw
Dwight with Angela
She turned out to be a whore
Seems I'm not alone in being alone
Hank the security guard's wife
also threw him out of their home

I'll get an asterisk by my name
in the Cornell alumni guide
I know that all my classmates achieved [x3]
better lives than mine [x2]

Jul 3rd 2009

"Schrute Farms

Parody of "Open Arms" - By Journey

(Dwight appears on stage, sets up 3 easels, and places giant pictures of his Beet Farm strategically behind him. He cues the band who starts to play)

I promise to give you, romance in the dark
And a private bathroom right outside
Your choice of theme room, which will include
Irrigation or Night Time

We'll build together
A table of pine
And sip on the finest beet wine

So have your honeymoon, at Schrute Farms
At my estate, you can procreate
on your honeymoon, at Schrute Farms
If you want the best, then come be our guest
At Schrute Farms

None of our beds are, conventional size
The closest we have is a twin
The best bedtime stories, will all be told
Then Mose will tuck you both in

So why don't you come back
You've been here before
There's more Schrute to explore

So have your honeymoon, at Schrute Farms
At my estate, you can procreate
on your honeymoon, at Schrute Farms
If you want the best, then come be our guest
At Schrute Farms

Jul 4th 2009

"Jimmy's Getting Married"

(to the tune of "Puff the Magic Dragon")
YouTube link

Creed walks proudly up to the microphone with a guitar and says, "This is a little tune we used to sing back when I was in the Grass Roots. I don't really remember the words, but that's okay because I rewrote it especially for the happy couple." He looks over at the band. "Ready fellas? A one, a two, a three, four, five..."

Little Jimmy Halpert has come a long long way.
I'd never bet that he'd get hitched. I thought that he was gay.
It turns out he was hot for the girl who answered phones.
She was engaged to some tough guy so Jimmy slept alone. oh!

Jimmy's getting married, and there's his lovely dame.
But somehow for the life of me, I can't recall her name.
I know she sat up front with some candy on her desk.
Her face looks so familiar and I recognize that chest.

Jim went upstate to serve some time and met this Latin chick.
When he came back with her in tow, the tension got real thick.
One day out of nowhere, the phone girl's fiance
Grabbed a sock of nickels and he tried to make Jim pay. oh!

Jimmy's getting married and there's his lucky bride.
I hope you don't feel like you're trapped, even once the knot is tied.
Once you realize that you're in this thing 'til death,
Just tell yourself, it could be worse if you'd chosen Mary Beth.

There was a big job offer, for Jim to be the boss.
Instead he dumped his lady friend and I think he hit the sauce.
He started acting strangely, and he wore these silly grins.
He tried to steal my cobbler, but Creed Bratton always wins.

Then finally we found out, ol' Jim had found Miss Right.
He almost let her get away when he lost that duel with Dwight.
But Jimmy never gave up -- he always played it cool.
He's so in love he took her in when she flunked out of school. oh!

Jimbo's getting married to pretty what's-her-name.
I hope they never get divorced 'cause that would be a shame.
Best of luck in finding your special harmony
And may your lives be full of bliss in a land.. called.. hon.. ah.. leeeee.

Jul 5th 2009

Jim Loves Pam by Michael Scott

to the tune of Maneater by Hall and Oates

She used to be quite a sight,
The lean and slender type,
When she was new, Pam was a five out of four,
Pretty and perky,
A sweater of red left you begging her for more,

Jim's love is plain to see
He dumped for Pam, Karen Filipelli
That woman was hot, I bet in bed she was a real she-cat,
But that doesn't matter
Jim's still really in love even though Pam got fat,

Oh here she comes
Watch out Jim, she'll eat your cake,
Oh here she comes
Pam's a cake eater
Oh here she comes (Where are you going?)
Watch out Jim she's getting big!
Oh here she comes (Hey, Pam!)
She's a BIG eater

(It gets better! Where'd she go?)

I might be sad if I were Jim
Pam was pretty when she was thin,
But now she's so big, I would run away to Timbuktu,
But for Jim that don't matter
I know she got fat, but her boobs got bigger, too.

Oh here she comes
Watch out Jim, she'll make you suffocate
Oh here she comes
She's got big "teat"ers
Oh here she comes
Watch out Jim, she'll make you stay up late,
Oh here she comes
She's got big "teat"ers

(big instrumental break)

(Jim walks up on stage and takes the mike away from Michael.)

JIM: Uh, I guess I should make an announcement. We weren't planning on announcing this today, but in light of...(he gestures at the door where Pam exited during Michael's song)...we're having a baby! So, Pam's not fat. She's pregnant. Thanks, Michael.

Jul 5th 2009

Sign after Sign A Michael Scott parody of Cyndi Lauper's Time After Time. A tribute to Jim's love for Pam and Pam's general denial of it.

Sitting at my desk I see Jim standing
At reception.
It's obvious he loves this girl;
What the hell is Pam's perception?
Flashback, Casino Night:
Pam's all surprised.
How could she not see? Sign after...

Sometimes Jim stared at you
Imagining you in bed
He’s calling to you, you can’t hear
What he said.
Those are… the rules of jinx,
But it’s in his eyes;
It’s such a bad disguise

If you’re Pam you can look and you will not see
Sign after sign
‘Cause Jim loves you, he tells you constantly with
Sign after sign

If you’re Pam you can look and you will not see
Sign after sign
‘Cause Jim loves you, he tells you constantly with
Sign after sign

God Pam, you’re nearly blind, I never noticed
Is your hair gray?
Watching through the window, I’m wondering
Why you’re so lame.
Secrets hidden not so deep inside,
You stand their starry eyed

If you’re Pam you can look and you will not see
Sign after sign
‘Cause Jim loves you, he tells you constantly with
Sign after sign

He said “Love you”
And then you cried.
Now somehow you’re a bride.

If you’re Pam you can look and you will not see
Sign after sign
‘Cause Jim loves you, he tells you constantly with
Sign after sign
Sign after sign
Sign after sign
Sign after sign
Sign after sign...

Jul 5th 2009

Michael: I was up all night figuring out how I could help make today the best day ever for Jim and Pam. So here's a song that's an old favorite with a new twist. Dwight, would you and your friend do the harmonies for me?

Dwight and Mose walk toward the stage.

Cut to a previously recorded Jim and Pam talking head.

Jim (TH): After what Michael did at Phyllis's wedding, we were hesitant to invite him.

Pam (TH): But we figured, he couldn't do anything worse, right?

Michael: Oh, and in case any of you didn't know, Pam is way pregnant. That dress really hides it well. You guys should see her around the office. She looks like she could pop any day now. Pam, why don't you show everyone how big your bump is? Just lift up your... no? Alright, maybe later after you've had a few drinks.... Hit it!

The music to The Beatles' version of "Twist and Shout" starts.

Well, push out that baby, now, (push out that baby)
Push it out. (push it out)
C'mon c'mon, c'mon, c'mon, baby, now, (come on baby)
Come on and push it on out. (push it on out)
Well, push it on out, honey. (push it on out)
You know you look so big. (look so big)
You know you want to have it now, (want to have it)
Just like I knew you would. (like I knew you would)
Well, push out that baby, now, (push out that baby)
Push it out. (push it out)
C'mon, c'mon, c'mon, c'mon, baby, now, (come on baby)
Come on and push it on out. (push it on out)
You know you push your little girl, (push, little girl)
You know you push so fine. (push so fine)
Come on and push a little harder, now, (push a little harder)
And let us know that it's time. (let us know it's time)

Waahhhhhhhhhh Waahhhhhhhhhh Waahhhhhhhhhh
Waahhhhhhhhhhh Waahhhhh Waahhhhh

Well, push out that baby, now, (push out that baby)
Push it out. (Push it out)
C'mon, c'mon, c'mon, c'mon, baby, now, (come on baby)
Come on and push it on out. (push it on out)
You know you push your little girl, (push, little girl)
You know you push so fine. (push so fine)
Come on and push a little harder, now, (push a little harder)
And let us know that it's time. (let us know it's time)
Well, push it, push it, push it, baby, now. (push out that baby)
Well, push it, push it, push it, baby, now. (push out that baby)
Well, push it, push it, push it, baby, now. (push out that baby)

Waahhhhhhhhhh Waahhhhhhhhhh Waahhhhhhhhhh

Michael: How we doing, Pam, anything happening down there? ...Puuuush!

The camera pans to Jim and Pam. They just stare.

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