Not signed in (Sign In)
Welcome to The Watercooler, the companion forum to Northern Attack and all things concerning The Office on NBC.

Guests are free to browse the forums, although you will need to register for an account if you wish to participate in the discussions or use any of the advanced features of the forum (bookmarks, history, etc).

If you already have an account, please sign in now.

The Watercooler is powered by Vanilla, the sweetest forum on the web.

Bottom of Page
[Closed] SUMMER 09 CONTEST WEEK 6: “69 IS NOT A VOWEL, KEVIN.”
  1.  
1 to 11 of 11
Jul 6th 2009 edited

Welcome, everyone, to another week in the seemingly never-ending contest! This prompt is in honor of our very own BTF and her recent brush with game show celebrity and, presumably, Alex Trebek’s mom.

Prompt

Since BTF was on Jeopardy and we’re all big fans of other game shows, such as Gold Case, this week’s prompt is simple. Stick an Office character on a game show. You pick the character. You pick the show. You dazzle us with your creativity.

Thoughts and Parameters

300 word limit.
Be creative.

Format

Written or performed. If you choose to round up actors and post on Youtube, please post the transcript and link the clip in your post.

Judging Criteria

  1. Overall impact
  2. True to characters
  3. Appropriate to challenge prompt
  4. Creativity

Reminders

  • Deadline for submitting entry #6 is 10 pm EST on Sunday, July 12.
  • Voting for challenge #5 begins Monday, July 6.
  • This thread is for challenge topic and entries only; please go to the general contest thread for questions/discussion.
  • No editing allowed on entries once submitted. Double-check your entry in the general contest thread before posting it in this thread.
Jul 6th 2009

I’ll just sit here and work on my crossword

During the episode Bring Your Daughter To Work Day

Stanley TH: “I was on TV once too. You don’t see me bringing it in for show and tell so I can impress a bunch of kids.”

The screen fills with static and then the opening for the 80’s game show Scrabble comes on the screen. (Take out "We then") Cut to the show already in progress with Chuck Woolery just finishing his speech.

Chuck Woolery: “And Charley has two players for us.”

Announcer: “She’s a student, he’s our champion. From El Toro, California, Sharon Hanger. And from Scranton, Pennsylvania, Stanley Hudson.”

Chuck: Welcome to both of you. Stanley, this is your fourth day in a row, is that right?

Stanley: “That’s right, Chuck.

Chuck: “Thirteen thousand five hundred dollars. That’s a lot of money. You’ve got to be happy about that.”

Stanley: “They're giving me a dressing room right next to you, Chuck. I like it.”

Chuck: “All you have to do is win enough money and come back enough and they treat you like a celebrity. I think the Tonight Show has you booked next week. Sharon’s the challenger. She’s going to go first. We’re going to play Scrabble till someone gets three words right, then that someone goes on to play Scrabble sprint, where they’ll have a chance at the bonus worth 6000 dollars. Take a look at the board as we get set up for our first game.”

Stanley TH: “I wiped the floor with Sharon. I went on to win another 73 games in a row for a total of 78 games. Ken Jennings can kiss my black ass. I brought home 220,000 dollars. That was right before my first marriage ended.”

Jul 8th 2009

“Andrew Bernard, COME ON DOWN!”

“Are you kidding!?” Andy yelled, loud enough to be heard over the applause of the studio audience. He ran up to “Contestant Row.” The next several minutes were a blur until Andy heard, “The actual retail price is $950! Andy, welcome to the stage!”

Rich Fields’ voice boomed, “It’s time to play Plinko, with your chance to win fifty THOUSAND dollars!”

“Oh my god, this is Nana’s favorite game!!” shouted Andy.

Drew Carey explained the game to Andy, but Andy knew exactly what he was doing and earned all five Plinko chips. Then he climbed the stairs to the top of the Plinko board.

“Lay one chip flat against the board in any spot, and let it go,” said Drew.

Andy excitedly let his Plinko chip go. Plink, plink, plink it went down the board, into the slot marked “$0.” The buzzer went “EENNNNHH!” His next three Plinko chips took the same exact route as his first one, and then he was down to his last Plinko chip.

Drew warned him, “This is your last chance.”

“Yeah, I know,” Andy replied curtly. He placed his chip on the board. He kept moving it around to different spots.

“It’s only a sixty minute show, Andy,” Drew joked.

Finally, Andy let his chip slide down the board. It veered left. It veered toward the middle. For a split second, it looked like it would go in the $10,000 slot, but then it landed in the $0 slot once more.

“GAH! I’m going to kill you, Drew Carey!” Andy said as he lunged off the top of the Plinko board.

“Stay tuned to see if I make it to the Showcase Showdown, next on The Price is Right!” Drew said with great aplomb.

Jul 9th 2009

Recent fame from the airing of The Office documentary has brought Michael Scott an invitation to appear on Celebrity Jeopardy. He is playing for his newly established charity, “Goodwill Hunting,” which promotes catch-and-release of large wild animals. The Double Jeopardy round begins, and Michael is visibly thrilled with a certain category title.

Michael: I’ll take IT’S MAGIC for $400, Alex!

Alex: THIS MEANS SLEIGHT OF HAND. (pause) Michael.

Michael (grins knowingly) What is…Prestodigitation!

Alex: Nnno… Susan.

Susan Lucci answers correctly and chooses the next answer in the category.

Alex: HE PLANNED FOR YEARS TO MAKE THE STATUE OF LIBERTY DISAPPEAR. (pause) Michael.

Michael (with smug assurance): Who is Osama bin Laden!

Alex (puzzled): No…

Lucci answers correctly again, and continues in the category. Michael wipes his glistening brow.

Alex: HOUDINI SAID, “MAGIC IS NOTHING BUT THIS.” (Alex peers skeptically over his bifocals) Mmmichael.

Michael: Smoking mirrors! Sorry… what is smoking mirrors!

Alex: No!

Pam and Jim are in the audience. In return for their attendance today Michael has signed a legal document agreeing to maintain a 12 foot minimum distance from any voice amplifying device at their upcoming wedding and reception. The couple exchanges amused and embarrassed glances.

Alex announces the end of Double Jeopardy and reveals the upcoming Final Jeopardy category. During the break Michael attempts to impress Alex with his knowledge of Hockey Canada and calls him a hoser. The break seems longer than normal to Trebek; at last he is signaled to read the final clue.

Alex: GEMS AND MINERALS. Here’s the clue: IN ZAMBIA, 2002, IT TOOK SEVERAL DAYS TO POLISH THIS DISCOVERY, IT WAS SO IMMENSE AND HARD. 30 seconds, contestants. Good luck.

Michael’s eyes widen and he scarcely can remain composed as he writes down his response.

Pam: Oh Michael...

Jul 10th 2009

Jim runs in, grabs Pam, and pulls her into the conference room.

Jim TH: The Game Show Network is showing Star Search reruns. Michael tried out.

Cut to: Michael on the Star Search stage, wearing a jacket with shoulderpads and rolled-up sleeves.

Michael: Hey! Thanks! How’s everybody doing tonight? [No response, though Michael waits a long time for one.] Good! Good. Say . . . how about Mr. McMahon? Doing a heck of a job. Keep it up, Ed! Say ‘hi’ to Johnny for me!

Silence. Michael starts sweating.

Michael: So how about that Karate Kid? Have you seen that movie? Mr. Miyagi was something else. What if, what if Daniel-san was Mr. Miyagi’s real son? I think he’d sound a little something like this.

Michael turns his back to the audience. When he turns around, he’s Ping.

Michael: Herro, honolable Father! I onry wash car for money! No ticky, no laundry! Me so solly! Make round-eye paint! (as Michael: Shortround, from Indiana Jones?) Me want learn kick, no clean!

Jim: Is that an Asian caveman?
Pam: Of course.

Michael (back as Michael): Wow. Five minutes is a long time. That is not what she said. Who you gonna call? Where’s the beef? I can’t believe I ate the whole . . . the whole thing. . . . Politics are weird, wild stuff. Oliver North? Crazy. I think Reagan should let Bonzo take over. The monkey. From those movies. Charlton Heston.

Pam: We have to burn this.
Jim: I know.

Michael: Well, my time’s almost up. [scattered cheers] I have a spinning bowtie that I almost wore tonight. Should have done that. You guys like magic? Camera guy, can you zoom in?

Camera shakes “no.”

Ed: Ladies and gentlemen, Michael Scott! Next up . . . Sinbad!

Jul 12th 2009

(Grandmata's betamax recording of Who Wants to be a Millionaire...)

Sparse applause from the audience

Regis: Welcome back everybody. I'm here.with.Dwight. who has dragged us along to the fifty-thousand dollar question. Now, Dwight, I understand you're into karate?

Dwight sighs

Dwight: It's not just karate, it's Gojo Ryu Karate. And, yes, my sensei has allowed me back into the dojo.

Regis: Back? From where, Dwight?

Dwight: On my second day, I wanted to impress my sensei and establish dominance over my peers by showcasing my expertise with throwing stars, so I snuck one in. Naturally, I threw one of them at an apple...

Regis: That's wild!

Dwight: ...which was on top of my cousin, Mose's, head. The doctors said Mose would be fine, but Sensei wouldn't allow me back.

Regis's eyes are now wide-open, in awe

Regis: GOODness. Anyway, Dwight, for fifty-THOUSAND dollars: On...The Yogi Bear Show...what.was. the park ranger's name? Was it: a, Ranger James; b, Ranger Brown; c, Ranger Smith; or d, Ranger Jones?

Dwight scoffs at the question

Dwight: Please...that cartoon is NOT realistic. There is NO way a brown bear would make friends with a human, EVer. Besides, I just bought that cartoon on dvd...so that I could point out all of its flaws!

Regis: So, you think you know the answer...

Dwight raises his head slightly

Dwight: Actually, I'd like to use a lifeline and call the Lackawanna County volunteer sheriff's deputy. I'll have him run a simple background check on the writers, get their contact information, call them...

Dwight leans in to and points his finger at Regis

Dwight: ...and deMAND to be told who the park ranger was.

Dwight shifts his weight onto his chair's left armrest, eyes drifting over to the camera with a sly grin

Dwight: Too easy.

Jul 12th 2009

Michael (TH): I like to enter contests. Mail-order, online, even ones on the bulletin board at the supermarket. Those are lame. Mom's won twice usually gets something useless like free carpet cleaning. I haven't had carpets since Jan's candle fire. But guess: I won a guest hosting spot on the new Name That Tune.

Michael: Jennifer Le-le-pie-ux? Says here you’re from Lancaster, have three boys and love swing. If this was HBO I would ask you about that.

Contestant Jennifer LePieux: Uh, it's a form of jazz.

Michael: Whatever. Lots of musical types are total pervs.

JL: Wow. Well, I can name that tune in five notes.

Contestant Russel Koontz: Name that tune.

Michael: That's my line, #$&!@.

RK: Actually, it's my line. And it's not pronounced like that.

notes to 'Dreamweaver' sound

JL: 'Dreamweaver'?

Michael: Oh, so close. That was the theme song from Knight Rider. Wait. The judges are conferring. Really? Are you sure? The guy playing the notes must be an amateur. Rusty, you're up.

RK: It's Russel. I'll name that tune in four notes.

Ms. Lepieux hesitates

Michael: What is 'Name that tune'?

notes play...both contestants are stumped...someone in the audience shouts "Aw, come on!"

Creed (TH): When they called for the rights to 'Spinning and Reeling,' I knew I had to get tickets. I was really hoping they'd mention who wrote it because I feel like I should cut that guy in on the take.

Jul 12th 2009

What we didn’t see in between Jim’s interview at corporate and his drive to Scranton

Jim: Sheraton on 51st and 3rd, please.

(Jim follows Karen into the cab and closes the door. Lights on the roof interior to the cab start flashing.)

Ben: You guys are in the Ca$h Cab! It’s a tv gameshow that takes place right here in my taxi! What do you say? Wanna play?
Karen: Whatever, just get us to 51st and 3rd.
Ben: Oookay. You guys have 25 blocks to rack up as much money as you can. Three wrong answers and I drop you off wherever we are.
Karen: (whispering) It’s because of her, right!? You didn’t take the job because of HER! Say what you need to say!
Jim: Just calm down. We’ll talk about it at the hotel.
Ben: First question for $25: In 1536, for what reason was Anne Boleyn beheaded?
Karen: (staring right at Jim) For trying to steal another woman’s boyfriend.
Ben: Ooh, wrong. Second question: Characteristics of these types of paintings include visible brush strokes, emphasis on light in its changing qualities, and ordinary subject matter.
Jim: Impressionist
Ben: Correct!
Karen: Of course, you would know that from hanging out with that wannabe artist.
Ben: (senses the tension) Let’s move on.

(a few questions later)

Ben: You have two wrong answers. You need to get this one right. What 1979 Steve Martin movie had the tagline: From rags to riches… to rags?
Jim: Trading Places?
Ben: Sorry, I was looking for The Jerk.
Karen: (to Jim) Obviously named after you.
Ben: Sorry guys, you have to get off here. At least there’s a nice fountain for you guys to hash your problems out.

Jul 12th 2009

John O'Hurley: Welcome back to Family Feud! Today's battle is between the Michael Scott Paper Company and Dunder Mifflin, with Dunder Mifflin leading 285 points to 52. Let's play the feud!

(Theme music, applause. One contestant from each team approaches the podium.)

O'Hurley: Ok, Kevin... Vikram... it's still anybody's game because the dollar values are tripled. Top 3 answers on the board. Name something you like more the bigger it is.

(Kevin slaps buzzer first)

Kevin: Sandwich!

O’Hurley: Let’s see… sandwich!

Buzzzzzzzzzz!

O’Hurley: Not there. Vikram?

Vikram: Paycheck.

DING! (Top answer)

(Both return to right side of stage.)

O’Hurley: Ok, Choon-yei, give me an answer.

Choon-yei: (speaking Korean)

O’Hurley: (looking confused) Let’s see if it’s up there?

Buzzzzzzzzz!

Michael: She’s not really part of our company. She just got in our van on the way here, and we needed an extra player, so….

O’Hurley: That’s still one strike, Michael. Tell me something you like more… the bigger it is.

Michael: (snickering) Boobs!

O’Hurley: (laughing) Show us… boobs!

Buzzzzzzzz!

O’Hurley: Alright Pam, that’s two strikes. You need this to stay alive.

Pam: A diamond?

Team: Good answer, good answer!

O’Hurley: Let’s see… diamond!

DING! (“Gemstones” is second best answer)

O’Hurley: One more answer up there. Can you give it to me, Ryan?

Ryan: How about… ego?

Buzzzzzzzzzzz!

O’Hurley: (crossing stage) Dunder Mifflin, a chance to steal for the game!

Erin: Television!

Kevin: Boobs!

Phyllis: Bed!

Dwight: Crossbow!

O’Hurley: Charles Miner, what’s it gonna be?

Charles: I’m going on my own to say… profit margin.

O’Hurley: Is it there?

Buzzzzzzzzz!

(Wild celebration ensues on Michael’s team.)

Michael: In your face, losers!

(Dwight rips off his jacket, slams it to ground)

O’Hurley: When we come back, Michael and Pam will play for fast money! You DON’T want to miss it! (wink)

Jul 12th 2009

FACT: Dwight Schrute was a contestant on Where in the World Is Carmen Sandiego.

While Dwight had never played the computer game, his family had a large collection of National Geographic magazines that he'd read each night after finishing in the beet field, leaving him with formidable geographic knowledge and the magazines stained with beet juice.

On the show, Dwight's superior reflexes in the Lightning Round were enough to get him to first place after the first round. In the second round, he got lucky and found the loot, the warrant, and the crook, Top Grunge, on his third turn to move on to the finals.

In the finals, the big map was of the Caribbean, which was one of Dwight's specialties. The timer started and the first country named was Barbados. Dwight ran right to it, put the marker down, and the siren sounded. Dwight correctly identified the next five countries, Puerto Rico, Jamaica, Curaçao, Haiti, and Antigua with similar ease. There were still 20 seconds left on the timer when Dwight was told the final country he needed to visit to catch Carmen: Cuba. Dwight froze. After a moment he said, "For many years now the United States has had an embargo against Cuba. It would be against the law for me to go there. What kind of Commie show is this?" The ACME Special Agent tried to explain that it was just a game, but Dwight ignored him. Dwight then picked up the final marker and shouted "Communists!" as he hurled it through the window of The Chief's office.

Dwight was disqualified without prize and the original film was destroyed. Also, everyone involved agreed never to speak of the incident again, which, come to think of it, sure does happen a lot when Dwight is involved.

Jul 12th 2009

Howie: Welcome to "Deal...or no Deal". I'm Howie. One banker, one button and just one question, "Deal...or no Deal". Let's play. Please welcome contestant Michael. Michael, you're really excited to be here.
Michael: (hyperventilating) I sure am!
Howie: We have 26 cases with 26 different increments of money. Ranging from one cent to $1 million. You just have to pick a number.
Michael: 50!!
Howie: Sorry, I mean you pick one of the briefcases.
Michael: OK, I want that one!!
Howie: How about you pick a number between 1 and 26.
Michael: Uuuuh, 7?!
Howie: Now here's your briefcase.
Michael: Thank you, thank you.
Howie: No, no, wait!! Wait!! Wait!!
Michael: NO!! NO!!
Howie: Don't open it!
Michael: Honestly, I have no idea of what's going on.
Howie: Right now just hold on. Say 6 more numbers.
Michael: Uh, 9, 22, 1, 6, 18 and 2.
Howie: OK, we usually do it one at a time but OK. You have eliminated the following amounts. $75
Michael: Oh, no!
Howie: No, no, no. That's good. You'll see. $25,000
Michael: Oh, yes!!
Howie: $1.
Michael: Awww, shoot!!!
Howie: $300
Michael: Yes.
Howie: $500.
Michael: Yeah!!
Howie: And $10,000.
Michael: Do I need to know math for this?
Howie: No, you don't need math skills. You're doing great.
Michael: All righty then.
(Phone rings)
Howie: That's the banker. He wants to buy your case from you for as little as possible and then you can decide "Deal...or no Deal".
Michael: NO DEAL!!
Howie: Hold on!
Michael: That’s what she said.
(Howie picks up the phone)
Howie: Uh-huh....(puts phone down) The offer is $15,000.
Michael: DEAL!!
Howie: Wait, you have to think about if it’s a good deal.
Michael: You said there wouldn’t be any math?
Howie: You know what, Michael? Take the deal.

  1.  
1 to 11 of 11
Top of PageBack to discussions