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"I'm just sad the public school system failed him so badly": The Gardening Thread
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Sep 22nd 2011

Seems to me that most folks keep their own dirt in their own garden. You don't want to track mud in the carpet.

Or something.

Sep 22nd 2011

I certainly can't imagine the idea of gardening elsewhere. I have enough on my hands just handling the needs of my own garden (and gardners)! Let alone adding other gardens and gardeners and plants and soil issues and bugs and....blech. No way, José.

Sep 22nd 2011

You don't want to track mud in the carpet

Why not? Then your carpet would match your drapes.

Dec 2nd 2011 edited

Casual sex. Who does it? Is it all it's cooked up to be. A recent article seems to indicate that despite its complicated nature, the kids seem to have it all figured out, but as for me, I remain skeptical.

Says the article:

In recent years, there has been wide acceptance of no-strings sexual relationships among young people. A number of studies in the U.S., for example, suggest that about half of all college freshmen have had at least one friends-withbenefits encounter - sex with a friend with no intention of the relationship getting romantic. "It's pretty standard," says Wentland, who believes young adults are developing "broader conceptualizations" of what constitutes a relationship.

Apparently, these are the unwritten rules of casual sex:

When it comes to f-buddies, for example, "their friendship is formed because of the sex, which made it different from the friends with benefits, where the friendship is where it starts with," she explained. In this kind of arrangement, the friendship ends when the sex ends.

Friends with benefits, on the other hand, is a lot more complicated, because it's a lot more emotional. "There's a pre-existing friendship. It’s the only one where people mentioned that you actually respect your friend with benefits," she said. "You actually like this person. Whether you or not you're able to stay friends afterwards, you still hope to." The booty call - which Wentland said is usually a booty text these days - tends to come late and at night, and the one sending the message tends to be intoxicated. It's not cool to booty call your friend with benefits, she explained, "because that would be counter to the respect you have for that person," but an f-buddy is game.

Here's my take-away from this whole thing. Yes, I know the kids are going to have sex, and want to have lots of it. I get that. Our culture is sex-obsessed so it's not a wonder that our youth are behaving like they are.

But what the article is not mentioning is how that the sex doesn't necessarily bring fulfillment. It's not saying that people who are engaging in casual sex are deriving anything beyond momentary pleasure from it. Casual sex does not equal happiness or lasting satisfaction.
I think there are a lot of women out there who participate in the casual sex culture because they think it is what is expected of them. I think most women, and some men but arguably less of them, truly long for a strong stable relationship built on trust and mutual respect. I think they would prefer that over a one night stand with a fuck-buddy. But that's what the kids are doing, so sometimes it's just easier to follow the crowd.

Article link

Another link

Dec 2nd 2011

I . . . have done it. It's not as easy as I had always imagined it would be. I tend to get tangled up in that sort of thing right after coming out of a relationship. I think, Man, I don't want to be celibate, but I don't think I can handle having any expectations placed on me. Very rarely works that way.

Dec 2nd 2011

It's not saying that people who are engaging in casual sex are deriving anything beyond momentary pleasure from it. Casual sex does not equal happiness or lasting satisfaction.

But it doesn't necessarily lead to unhappiness or dissatisfaction. Momentary pleasure isn't the worst thing in the world.

Dec 2nd 2011

I would imagine people -- OK me -- would have gone into it overestimating my ability to remain emotionally unattached. In retrospect, I know I was never capable of this on even the most basic level. I would never have been able to make it work. I kind of like that about myself, also in retrospect.

Dec 2nd 2011 edited

I think when the alternative is being alone, especially when you desperately don't want to be, casual sex is not a bad thing. Sure, if you keep it up long enough with the same person it eventually becomes unfulfilling. I actually just read this a few days ago, coincidentally, but I think it says something that doesn't get said very often about hooking up. Usually there's this negative connotation of wanting immediate gratification, no commitment, and basically just getting whatever you want. Sometimes you just want another human being around. In your bed.

Dec 2nd 2011 edited

Sure, if you keep it up long enough with the same person it eventually becomes unfulfilling.

Hahaha. Because then it becomes monogamy!

But it doesn't necessarily lead to unhappiness

For some it must.

Dec 2nd 2011

So the question would be whether it's none, some, most or all. It's probably not none or all.

Dec 2nd 2011

some, most

Agreed.

Dec 2nd 2011

What about half? That's not some OR most.

Dec 2nd 2011

Most is a kind of some. Half is a kind of some. Only 1 is a kind of some. I vote for some.

Dec 2nd 2011

You're some kind of genius.

Dec 2nd 2011

That's some kind of compliment.

Dec 2nd 2011

For some it must.

True, but there is also some unhappiness in not having sex.

Dec 2nd 2011

Said the long-married dude, who should know.

Dec 2nd 2011

Ummm.....

Dec 2nd 2011

Married people don't have sex all the time, get it? Sheesh, it's not half as brilliantly hilarious if I have to explain it.

Dec 2nd 2011

Oh no, I got it. Or don't get it. Whatever.

Dec 2nd 2011

OK, I thought in my fatigue and stewing workplace ire I might have made an insult of a quip. There's a fine line between funny and "Man that was a dick thing to say", sometimes.

Dec 2nd 2011

No, I laughed and then cursed your name.

Dec 2nd 2011

So, like any other comment of mine.

Dec 2nd 2011

Basically. Maybe a touch less rage this time.

Dec 2nd 2011

weeps like a cuckolded CEO

Dec 3rd 2011

casual sex

I've been thinking about this since yesterday, and I don't think I'd, uh, do it. I don't think I could, really. The conclusion I came to is that I'd probably be up for shackin' up.

I mean, I don't want be married now...I'm coming to the conclusion that I hate this town and will probably leave here within 2 years...and all the dudes here are townie types, you know? And if I were to marry one of them, I'd be sealing my fate for, well, practically forever. It's a cute town, sure, but when you're from here, you're from here. And if you don't leave when you're 18, you pretty much never leave. It sucks your resources and your soul.

Anyways, there's no way I'm going to stay here. I'd like to have a husband and a family someday, but not in this town. But I'd also like to see a little action, you know?

So yeah, I guess I'd go so far as shackin' up. Just don't tell my mom, Daoust.

Actually, she probably wouldn't care. Don't tell my dad, I guess.

Dec 3rd 2011

within 2 years

You could leave sooner.

Dec 3rd 2011

Yeah, like...tomorrow.

Dec 3rd 2011

Yeah, I could, but it's complicated. I have responsibilities that I can't just drop.

Dec 3rd 2011 edited

You're too young to have those kinds of responsibilities.

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