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"I'm just sad the public school system failed him so badly": The Gardening Thread
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Dec 6th 2011

Why don't you?!?! Free turkeys!

Dec 6th 2011

There are turkeys that come to my grandparents' house. Granddaddy puts corn out for them. It'd be illegal for him to shoot them. You aren't supposed to lure them to you or something.

Dec 6th 2011

Oops! Google Chrome could not find fedsex.com

I wonder it that site would have military men on it. I mean, it'd probably have EPA workers and postal employees mainly, but maybe an Air Force pilot once in a while?

Dec 6th 2011 edited

I wonder it that site would have military men on it. I mean, it'd probably have EPA workers and postal employees mainly, but maybe an Air Force pilot once in a while?

You wouldn't be able to find one for the (largely unattractive) bureaucrats.

It'd be illegal for him to shoot them

This.

Dec 6th 2011 edited

.

Dec 6th 2011 edited

You wouldn't be able to find one for the (largely unattractive) bureaucrats.

Thank goodness. I guess you could just go to house.gov if you, uh, had no standards.

Dec 6th 2011

I'm pretty sure that a Russian mail-order bride company already has this name trademarked.

You're getting that confused with RedSex.

Dec 7th 2011

RedSex

Thankfully it's only once a month.

Dec 7th 2011

And hopefully in the shower.

Dec 7th 2011 edited

.

Dec 7th 2011

So who is going to start up NorthernAttack.xxx?

Dec 7th 2011

Wouldn't it be better titled: GardeningforFun.xxx?

Dec 14th 2011

Wanna read Victorian porn? Yeah, you do.

Dec 14th 2011 edited

I

Dec 14th 2011

Also, I'm willing to bet that that was written a lot closer to last week than it was in 1907.

If I had read that, I would agree with you.

Dec 14th 2011

How'd you stumble upon that site?

A link from Cracked.

Dec 14th 2011

I'm telling you, Cracked is awesome.

Dec 15th 2011

You guys are ruining the fun I was having making fun of you for reading Cracked.

I didn't read the Victorian porn either, but I liked when he called it his "John Thomas".

Hmm...I went back to remember some of the other parts I didn't read, and now it's blocked at work.

Jan 2nd 2012

Talk to your teens about avoiding sex talk online.

Research shows that teens who don't talk about sex with strangers online are less likely to come in contact with predators. In fact, researchers have found that predators usually don't pose as children or teens, and most teens who are contacted by adults they don't know find it creepy. Teens should not hesitate to ignore or block them.

from

I was 20 when I joined here...I was safe.

now it's blocked at work.

I wonder if it's just blocked on your computer, Jinx. You should look it up on your boss's.

Jan 2nd 2012

You should look it up on your boss's.

And be sure to leave the search history so he can find it too.

Jan 4th 2012

Yep, I haven't posted in a while, and the first post I make when I return is a post in the gardening thread. So be it.

My lack of interest in gardening activities is really becoming an issue with my gardening partner, which, in turn, is becoming an issue for me (because I hate what I perceive to be the whiny, complaining attitude that comes from lack of gardening, which makes me want to garden even less). In looking back over this thread this afternoon, I can see that all of this has been discussed before, which is comforting in a way, but it's still an issue. I've discussed my drought with my long-time Agricultural Adviser, who told me that there are some chemical fertilizers that may produce crops for female gardeners, but they are way more effective for male gardeners and there are certainly fewer options for female gardeners. Plus, I am concerned that my will to garden cannot be jump-started with an organic fertilizer. It just seems...not wrong, but not something I've thought about before.

I am not depressed. I am not ill. I am not fantasizing about gardening with other people. I don't think there are other underlying issues that make me not want to garden (besides being sick of the "why aren't we gardening more?" discussions that sprout up frequently). It's just that at the end of the day, I'm exhausted, like many other people, and there are few other things I feel like doing at 5:45 am than waking up for a quick plow of the fields.

Is harvesting a crop such a biological imperative for male gardeners that it presides over almost everything else in terms of what's right and wrong in a relationship? Like Anque pointed out way earlier in this thread, there is always the option of self-gardening if it's purely a crop harvest men are looking for.

I am saying a lot of things. Am I talking loudly?

Jan 4th 2012

Is harvesting a crop such a biological imperative for male gardeners

Yes. It's just the way we're made.

there is always the option of self-gardening

Yes there is. But sometimes you just gotta plow.

I understand everything you said, LT. I really do. But if "putting up with it" once every few weeks makes him happy, isn't it worth it? Just don't make it seem like you're "putting up with it."

There was a time early on when my wife wanted to garden even more than I did. Hard to believe.

Also, I know that I will make things worse by whining and complaining about my need to garden. So I don't do that.

Jan 4th 2012

Wow, I never knew what this thread was about. Should've clicked on it a long time ago. Although I don't have much to add. Not a lot of gardening going on in the STT household.

Jan 4th 2012 edited

But if "putting up with it" once every few weeks makes him happy, isn't it worth it? Just don't make it seem like you're "putting up with it."

Yes, it's totally worth it. I need to be a better actress, I guess. The phrase "I don't want you to just pretend you're enjoying it, either," has come up in our gardening discussions.

I would be incredibly happy with once every few weeks. I'd be happy with feeling like once every week was enough, honestly. But I think he really believes that everyone else is gardening so much more, that other couples who have been gardening together for 15 years are producing enough food to feed the world, and yet he has been sentenced to putting up with way less. I feel kind of weird saying, "Well, according to the poll that Daoust made on the Office board, most people are not doing it nearly as often as you think they are." So I don't.

Jan 4th 2012

I'd be happy with feeling like once every week was enough, honestly. But I think he really believes that everyone else is gardening so much more

I don't have any answers on how you get to feel more like gardening and I don't think agricultural science does either. As to the frequency of tilling the fields, I don't think once a week is an outrageously low amount especially for folks with young farmers around. Maybe a discussion around time of day and need for rest before being an enthusiastic gardener would help. As for you pretending, I doubt he can really tell the difference. Lot's of men tend to enjoy gardening much like they enjoy movies. As long as there are some explosions and a few taglines we're good.

Jan 4th 2012

The man is wise. insert "wisdom of age" joke here

I don't think once a week is an outrageously low amount especially for folks with young farmers around

Especially this.

Jan 5th 2012 edited

Is harvesting a crop such a biological imperative for male gardeners that it presides over almost everything else in terms of what's right and wrong in a relationship?

I am sure it is different for every male farmer. Some have more of a drive than others. But generally it's understood that the male farmer thinks about plowing and wants to plow a lot more than female farmers. Age has something to do with it. Your plow partners urges to plow will subside somewhat as he gets older, but I think it will still be more present than yours.
Using myself as an example, I'm in my early 30's, and I've only been plowing for less than 10 years, but I still find that I think about it and want to do it a lot. However, I think I've settled down a fair bit. My plowpartner, on the other hand, seems to want to garden more now that when we were first together. When first married, what I perceived to be a lack of gardening in our marriage was cause for quite a bit of discord amongst my plowpartner and I. (The "everyone's gardening more than us' argument was frequently brought up - and strangely enough it didn't result in me getting more. Hmmm.) It's likely that I was getting as much plowing in then as I am now, but at the time it felt like I should be getting it way more than I was. Now I think I'm just happier with our somewhat inconsistent plow schedule. However, I know for a fact that my plowpartner had some issues early on in our marriage that impacted our plowing, but with age and wisdom she's learned to put those aside and we both have benefitted with a more fruitful yield as a result.

there is always the option of self-gardening

Having been in this situation, I can say with some confidence that the odd self-plow is just what the doctor ordered to help release some stress when plowing is not going to be in the cards for that particular time. However, regularly telling your man to self-garden as a way to get him off your case about wanting to plow is not a solution. It may be that what your partner is truly asking for is quality time with you. Maybe he just misses the closeness and connection that plowing provides. (That may be the gayest thing, but also the truest thing I've said in a while) Self-gardening, while a quick fix, is not a good substitute for a plow. However, and this is important, self-gardening is sometimes equally as unfulfilling as a plow with an obviously disinterested partner. Your participation, even if you're not completely into it, is essential. You don't have to go all out and win an Oscar for your performance, but just don't lie there in the field and let him do all the work. He'll resent you for it.

I don't have any answers on how you get to feel more like gardening and I don't think agricultural science does either. As to the frequency of tilling the fields, I don't think once a week is an outrageously low amount especially for folks with young farmers around.

The man is wise. I guarantee you I don't plow more than once a week on average. And it's never consistent. It's always in chunks. We plow a few days in a row, then we leave the fields fallow for weeks sometimes, and then go at it again and it's like we remember how much we loved plowing, and we always comment that we should plow more, but then another couple weeks often goes by. It happens.

LT, the reason why my plowpartner and I had issues with plowing early on in our marriage was a communication issue, among other things. She and I were on different wavelengths, in different headspaces about the issue. We tried to talk it out, and eventually we figured out solutions. I think we just sort of grew into each other, and we got to know each other better, and perhaps in my case, calmed down a little bit. The whole thing about plowing with a longterm partner is that the plowing gets affected by the other stuff happening around the farm, especially between the two farmers. Sometimes that stuff needs to be dealt with before the farmers can return to the plow.

I feel kind of weird saying, "Well, according to the poll that Daoust made on the Office board, most people are not doing it nearly as often as you think they are." So I don't.

I don't understand. It says so on the internet, therefore it must be true.

Anyway, it's great to see this thread light up again. Nice to see you around, LT. Don't be a stranger.

Jan 5th 2012

LT, do you just not think about gardening at all? Is that something to be concerned about? I don't know...did you think about it before, and now...not?

Jan 5th 2012

I often think about how much I think about gardening, and I wonder if I am the only one who does that. I wonder about what it must be like to be a girl who, it seems, only thinks about it infrequently. What must that be like?

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